I started working on my Christmas Wish list… money is always good.

This is my list…. I put it on another Blogger Page…

Allan says I am a big bitch because I have not made any updates here lately. I’ve just been busy. I am always busy, but I get so caught up in my own bullshit of daily … things to do… I’m fucking busy dammit.

I guess it has been a while as I look at the dates. I will try and do more tomorrow.

I got some interesting news and I have done a few interesting things lately. I’ll let you know… smoochies.

I should clarify a statement I made in the last entry… I do love my family, but my frustration goes to my dad sometimes and the way he and I relate to each other. No one else…

Well, there is my mom. She’s nuts and I worry about her a lot.

My sister, that is my biological sister, her and I have been arguing for … 20 years now????

Oh well… I got to talk to my uncy Ed last night and we started the idea of a family gathering. It would be really cool if we got my mother’s family together. It should be interesting!

I am about to leave for school and have been thinking about my previous 2 diary entries. When it comes to money I get more stressed than anything else. By Wednesday I feel like I have just worried as much as I possibly could and give in completely to whateveer fate has in store. I hate being this ‘out of control’.

No, you bitches, I am not crying. You synical cows, my issues are no more than all the rest of us have. I am short on money this month and this really really sucks. I ask for help from certain people and I discover their money issues are worse than mine.

Yes, other members of my family have bigger issues with the fire in Cali and NOW in Colorado???? Holy crap?!!!!!??!?!?

There are a lot worse things than being short. Well, I will endeavor. I know some people can’t help out. I know some people won’t help. I know who those people are and I could be dying and would still not get certain people to budge or lift a finger. BUT… that’s lilfe.

I have given up on relying on other people. Jaded as it sounds that is the truth. People suck. In some cases it’s blood… family… what ya gunna do. Oh well…..

Money is a huge issue right now. I feel so pressed. Some may have noticed my last diary entry wherein I highlighted my freakout lastnight. I am loosing sleep over it. I am stressing to the point where I simply must have a heart attack soon.

Should I quit school? Should Igo out and fnd a job and become a drop-out again? Everytime I really get cooking in school, there are financial issues knocking at the door. I feel like I am being kicked in the balls over and over.

Adolfo is being supportive, but as I look at the checkbook, there is a big fat negative at the end of the month. One week away… I can’t even pay rent right now. I need prayers and donations would be helpful…? yes, I am not holding my breath. Imagine I came to Vegas to build a career and a new path in life, but I am already walking around with my tail between my legs.

Oh, this is frustrating….

I am hemeraging money right now… my balls are swollen frm being kicked over and over again. Ergh!!! I am frustrated.

Anyway… other than that life sucks right now. ergh….

I was determined to get out of town this weekend. I had even written on our calendar next to the front door: “Out of Town”. So, Adolfo made all this noise about taking me out for dinner, but I thought it would be better to get out of town Friday instead of Saturday…

I wanted to go camping. It’s still ficking HOT in this damn, god-forsaken city so I figured camping this late in the season was not such a bad idea. Mt Charleston is said to be 30 degrees cooler there than here at any given time.

I would a web site discussing camping locations and I picked the furthest one, which looked to be within 2 hours travel time:

Friday:

Packed car about 6pm. During this process almost every neighbor we ever met stopped us to talk. I think there was this plot to delay our trip…

On the road with nearly a full tank of gas, Adolfo inthe passenger seat, and Tom in the back of the truck. We still needed dinner so we were looking for a place on the way. So we decided to go to Sante Fe Station because they have a cheap buffet… right?

(Station Casinos have been advirtising special ‘locals’ rate for buffett and they are typically not bad)

Annnnnnnnyway, we go to Sante Fe Station and are met and come into contact with soooooo many rude people, ruching people, pushy people. Then, I discover there is no buffett. We go to another cafe in the casino and there is an hour wait to be seated. ergh! nothing decent can be found so we go to Quiznos … neither of us got what we ordered. They were too overwhelmed to complain and we just ate and left.

In the parking lot… I have a flat. I have oversized tires (I’m told) and I am looking at this truck like it was a space ship… changing a tire huh? It was sickeningly comedic watching me change a tire. It took nearly two hours. This was like something I never saw before. The replacement tire was normal sized and I saw very quickly we had to trop home and get the tire fixed in the morning.

So, from the north-east edge of the city I trotted home at no more than 35 miles per hour.

Saturday

Woke up and took the truck over to get the tire fixed. Cost me $113. and while it was being fixed we had breakfast with Kieth, sister Karen, and daughter/niece Shikara. This was a good thing.

We headed out immediately, delayed by neighbor chat again.

Drove two hours to themiddle of no where. Found the site and it was nothing like I expected. It was not technically a campground. It was a camp site at the base of the mountain and had a couple of great hiking trails. Took advantage of one.

The site said charcoal fires could not be used so we decided to venture on. This iste was off of nevada Highway 156. We connected to 158 and found a good campgound but it was closed. I was getting totally irritated.

We drove on and I saw a sign for a ranger station. So I turned onto 157 to go to it where I spoted another campground that was also closed, BUT there was a lot of people out there camping.

I had enough and we took a space and set up.

Now, we have a new tent we bought and never put together before. I felt like such a fag. I finally did get that tent up, but it was shaky.

I forgot plates and salt, so when I cooked dinner on the grill I was wondering how it would tast. I had a whole chicken, halved, and seasoned plus potatoes, and fresh french bread. I put the potatoes onthe charcoal grill, then the chicken and ti tasted SOOOOOOOOO good. It grilled perfectly!

However, the night up there was FREEEEEEEEZING. We cuddled all night long and I had some odd dream with Jennifer Anniston and Phoebe (from Friends)… we were lawyers and not much other detail… odd huh?

We frogot breakfast, so we drove into Vegas (less than an hour away) and raided Mccy D and Starbucks before returning to the site for another hike.

All in all, we had a good getaway. It was expensive… so much for the choices made. We were on the fence for visiting my mom v. going camping. We chose the caping ption to save money… uhm yeah.

I went to a food show at the raceway this morning and it was kinda boring. It was for U.S. Food Service and there were a tone of food samples sitting around. Yawn… the only exciting thing was that it was on the Las Vegas Raceway and I could see cars going around the track.

Oh well, I am working for Bally’s today and need to go over there. I’ll be there from 1 to 9 tonight ish… I thought I needed to do jobs like this for school credit, but I found out that was not the case. Glad to hear that!

Now, I am wondering about doing this for work. I was more fulfilled when I was training. Joe, save me.

Anyway… talk soon…. Scott

I am tired, stressed, and other stuff. I just got home from school – then the gym – but could use a nap. No real mney schedueld to come in and it is stressing me out big-time. Scott

Sometimes I feel very lost in this world. Sometimes I feel like I wish I was not here. Sometimes I feel like I am so alone and in spite of Adoldo being around or hundreds of people in the gym, around, whatever… I would give my right arm to be with my freinds at a BBQ or something like that.

Most of my life I had someone that close around that I was not sleeping with… which is a key diffrence. In high school I had Terry (Hi Terry: he pops into my board once in a while), then after the air force I was often with Ed: ToplessEd who almost never reads my diary, and in Boston I had pals Rick and Maureen.

What I would not give to have access to these people again on a regular basis and to be able to pop open a BBQ on a Sunday afternoon like today. Have a beer, and just fickin’ chilll out.