No… I am still alive.

so, I have been busy …. so much so that I have had no time for myself AT ALL! School is coming to a conclusion this quarter and graduation is this Wednesday. My mom, step daddy, step-auntie, Adolfo, Sai, and I will be at a private dinner celebrating the graduation.

I expect that I will have new pictures soon! Aren’t you excited?

Now the people who visit will have something new to read… little does anyone know that I plan on making more updates soon! It’s true!

I just finished a big project for school and I need to get to bed. My last class is tomorrow morning!

Talk soon!

Scott

Think I fell off the earth again??? Well, I am over committed and miserable right now again. I am working full time at the Venetian… part time at Bullshrimp in Green Valley… not to mention school; which I am graduating from next month. I have a pulled muscle in my back, 5 abbrasions on my feet from some new shoes, and a headache that will not go away. I am lacking sleep and sanity.

Our lease is up in April and we will not have a place to live. Will we stay in Las Vegas? Will we finally move to Seattle? Will it be Boston? Anchorage? Portland? Where oh where oh where….?

Yes, Allan, I write this thinking of theee…. ha ha ha!

Adolfo and I have been fighting a lot lately and largely I feel he has been more an antagonist and I have been a little sensative. I read my horoscope on www.astrologyzone.com and my compatability with him and was highly discouraged. I like that site because it provides some interesting views from an astrological POV.

I am a Capricorn and he is a Aquarian… aparently they do not match. I keep dating these water signs. Is this a sign I keep choosing the wrong guys? Or, they are choosing me. I dunno!

I have been thinking A LOT about my future and my future with Adolfo. When I look into the future I see myself alone… and I think I am not very suitable for a healthy relationship. I think of my time with Brian (fromerly BostonBrian is NOW ChicagoBrian). Brian was a cancer, by the way, since we were discussing star-signs.

Anyway, I have to start getting ready for work. I have to be over there at 1… seeya!

Time seems to be moving faster than last year … it is as if I was celebrating Christmas yesterday. New Year’s went by in a flash as well.

My last entry has me bitching and whining about my birthday. It was not completely horrible, just me. I was in a mood all day long.

On Christmas (See List) I got some nice things. I also had a household of people… which is something I always wanted, but this apartment was just too small! I love my parents, but they are high maintenance. The love me… and I love them… so I guess it is worth it over all.

I have been so tense and wound up over so much. I have some issues I need to get a grip on. I need to find a new rung to grip on to… because I am running into too many walls. No one wants to hear about my problems and I certainly do not believe in airing too much laundary …. there are a lot of people worse off than me though.

I feel like this is going to be a time of transition for me as well. Even my horoscope at www.astrologyzone.com reflects that… I look there when I want to see what is forcast for this Capricorn.

On top of everything listed above, I am really questioning the survivability of my relationship with Adolfo. I see the next couple months as makers or breakers… I have to decide if I want him… the reason I have to really think this out is because I have made some harsh decisions in my past when it came to relationships and I end of regretting them even to this day.

I walked out on 2 relationships and one leave me that I regret… I hate that word “regret”….

1. Ron Herrera in ’93 … I left him because I felt he was disrespecting me. Our last conversation had him holding a screw driver out saying he would kill me. He was so angry…. he would never hurt me for real. But the break up was to traumatic and premature… he started seeing someone very soon after and both of them contracted HIV and soon after Ron died. I never got to tell him how much I loved him.

2. Brian (Monkey) in ’99 …. I left him because I felt he did not repsect me either. He had a freind named Victor who was sooooo manipulative. As I sit here tyiping this I think of Smeegle/Gollum when I think of this guy. Anyway, I felt Brian was choosing his freind over me and I walked out on him… but there was a point where we came back together and it did not work out at the time. The irony is that Brian wrote me and told me he understood where I was coming from ebcause the relationship that follwed was like a reverse.

3. James in ’96 … he dumped me after I proclaimed my love for him. I waited for more than a year for him to come to his senses and realize his love for me… guess what…. that never happen. I saw him in ’01 and he still looked really good. He gave me his number, but I lost it…

This is turning into a book… I’ll rtry and write more another day. Scott

Today is my Birthday. This has to be one of the worst birthdays I can recall. This birthday generally sucked from the start. I picked Adolfo up last night about 1 am and he went up my nose then… he has been doing it every hour since.. at every turn. He does not intend on doing it… it comes naturally!

We went to Todai for dinner and it sucked… the cooks were annoying… the suchi chefs were stupid… they were not making hand rolls that night. Argh… little things but they add up. I was just annoyed.

The evening turned when I fell on my ass over this cake that was delivered. It was a jgiant penis and balls with cum shot. ergj! tacky! But I loved it.

Anyway, overall the whole day kinda blew. I am 39 now and just sick of this Holiday Season. I feel like bitching about so many things and all I can really do is take a deep breath and think in frustration and speak empty words of happiness….

OH… My computer is fixed now.

My computer is completely dead since Saturday and I am trying to get it working again. Should be back bt Friday.. depending on a lot of things. Ergh!!! I am at school right now just to check my e-mail. Scott

Been busy working over the last week. I go to school in the morning and then off to the Venetian in the evening. Then once in a while I get a consulting gig. I have been looking somewhat passively for another private sheffing gig, but no luck in so far. Seems a lot of people are leaving town for the holidays. Bastards!

I am at school… snuck away from cooking fior a bit to check out something on the web. Have you seen this show called The Amazing Race? Kieth, pal in class, says we should go onto the show. 2 chefs… one gay one hetero …. wonuldn’t that be interesting?

Anyhoo… I need to go to the bathroom and then back to class… I am making some apple crisp thing today for my Nutrition Class. I was supposed to used “Smart Start” margorine… but I used butter instead. A half-pound worth… ha ha ha! Yum!

Christmas List

As you can see, I have been making some changes to the site. This is supposed to be my swansong as it were, but I have said that before. I think this will be the last change to my site… but time will tell, huh? New pics coing later this month were supposed to be used for the creation of it, but I am having trouble managing my navigation of the site on my desktop alone.

Adolfo and I went to my moms for Thanksgiving on Thursday. Actually we left here on Wednesday night and got to momz at a reasonable time.

My mom and step dad smoke like chimneys, I do not think 10 minutes passed when there was not a cigarette in their hands or burning close by. It was like a MAD Tv commedy sketch. Because with the cig was coffee brewing until late in the night. How are these people still alive? I really think I smoked about 2 packs of cigs just from the passive smoke. A lung was hiding… oi vay.

I love my mom and step dad a lot and I worry about them a lot. Step-daddy dearest is not doing well physically and mentally right now. Age is kicking him in the ass. My mom is strong, but I wonder how she will manage when/if she is alone. I cannot see her being alone.

Friday morning we went over to my dad’s for a second dinner. I have never mentioned the word “gay” with my dad… I wondered if he knew. He HAD to… and on this he was meeting Adolfo for the forst time. Everything went GREAT! I was in shock… of course Adolfo always starts the story with a visit to my dad’s gun collection… ha ha ha.

My dad is a bonified Republican, IRA member… uses the work “nigger” and “spic” with absolute comfort. He worked as a truck driver through half his life, as an artist, as more. He was raised in the midwest so you can imagine his conservative roots… thenhe had me. Ha ha ha ha!

More to cum!

I updated my Christmas List again. I am also working on keeping my head above water for the next few weeks. The holidays are going to be peachy again. Always it’s a money issue.

Whatever… we plan on visiting mom for TG day then to my dad’s the next day. Dad still has not met Adolfo and I am gitting my teeth over it. My dad is Republican, blue collar, and collects guns … you do the math.

Last week I also had my first Personal Cheffing client and it was great. I am so happy that it went well. The menu was:

Bitter Greens with a Walnut Vinegrette

Filet Mignon with a Cognac Sauce

New Broccolli with Pine Nuts

Chinese green Bean with Sesame

Bourbon Spiked Yams

Chocolate Cheesecase with Raspberry Sauce

Sound yummy???? It was a great menu that was not hard to put out at all. I started it all off with a nice cheese platter.

Otherwise, there is not a whole lot of new things to announce or talk about. My trip to Singepore starting January is basically fading before my eyes. I am set to graduate school soon and the Art Institute does not know how they are going to manage my Externship. I was supposed to go to Singepore and attend a school there for 4 weeks then intern for a few months following. I had just got Adolfo used to the idea… not that he was happy about it at all.

I took a job offer at the Venetian for a full time position inthe Pastry Department. I am still doing paperwork, but I anticipate it will be a good thing no matter how long I stay there. It will be a trip… I like most of the people there.

So what then? I plan on having my own restaurant one day, moving out of this god-for-saken hole. ergh!

It’s all good.