Maybe I was a little rough on Ron Reagan… but he’s dead and finally stopped disrupting my television viewing. Now, Ray Charles is dead and I feel sad he’s dead. It always comes in 3’s, so who is next?

Anyway, Adolfo and I have recently hooked up with a couple guys who are turning out to be kinda cool. They stopped by tonight and brought us a set of wine glasses with a card…

See, one of them dropped and broke a red wine glass partially full and left a new mark on our wall. Thank goodness we have a spot of paint to fix it.

Allan is loosing his mind.. I think I opened Pandora’s Box when I called him TOXIC in a previous posting (see last month). He argued with me over all my points… made here in the diary and in e-mail. He will not let me post his e-mail… so I cannot share his wizzzzdom. ha ha ha

What else is new? I am looking for a vacation for us next month.

Gary, Terry, and Sam… say hi!

I remember when Ronnie Reagan was in office… I remember a man who was a clever clown with a red nose, rosie cheeks, and a dull whited smile. He always have clever words and charm scripted perfectly form him. Goodbye you screwed up old bastard.

I am in upheaval lately…. again.

I was asked out on a date by an 18 year old cutie and I think he was also feeling quite giddy. Well, that made me feel good. I have flirted and k-noodled with a couple guys in recent weeks and it made me worry for my relationship with Adolfo.

I go to work from 8am to 4om for 5 days a week. He works 4 to midnight 5 days a week and we connct on 1 of the common days off. It is simply NOT enough!!!! He does not read this site, so I could write anything and he would not really care much.

Care – as it he would be upset at me and I would have to fret for days over it while he pissed about it. Oh well…

SAM wrote me today and is feeling very blue. He is my dear man from southern California who seems a little torchured with life. He is a man with a magnetic heart and acutting whit… he told me he is a shadow of who he WAS. Since I have not seen him in about 2 years, I am concerned about his physical and mental health. He seems to dark….

Allan is doing better… the drama queen of Austin, Texas.

Gary, busy bee… i picked up the latest Legion of Super Heroes and it was interesting so I subscribe to other issues. Will I see your girl? The Superman sotries have been interesting, too. Still a Teen Titans fan, though. I think that Cyborg shold move on and Starfire should get a life…

I am writing a lot again. I really REALLY want to travel!

I have a three day weekend starting Monday, boy am I thrilled! It’s been a good one at that… and Adolfo and I have been very happy through it. I guess so much so that he finally cracked today. Ugh! He got very moody this afternoon and that took 2 hours to pass. THEN he got all bitchy tonight after we left a freindfs house. So, in the last hour we have not spoken and he has ben in the bedroom the whole time. Ugh!

Friend Kieth (mentioned often previously) got a job offer today up in Alaska and will be leaving tomorrow!!!! Holy crap! He applied for the job yesterday, was hired on the phone today, and is leaving for Alaska tomorrow! He will eb head chef at some resort up there… holy crap! This is big for him! I wished him a lot of luck today….

So, I am thinking about reviving a club. “Friends of the Friendless”… ha ha ha… remember that from I Love Lucy … see, on Lusy’s birthday she thought Ricky, Ethel, and Fred had forgotten her birthday and she wanted to confront Ricky. Some homeless group met up with her in the park called “Friends of the Friendless” and recruited her and they marched into the Tropicana just as they were ready to shout surprise for her surprise birthday party…. well, you get it.

Allan and I have not spken in a week… although he wrote me again today about talking again…. as mentioned previously Adolfo is mad at me. Tom is in the bedroon too… I am lonely!

I read Bon Appetite today and saw an artice on Liquors (sp) and bought one of them today. I got Envy (I think) and it was sooooooooooooo good. I also bought these cute little aparatif glasses and had myself a little drinky…

ONE! I am not drunk. I am hot in the God-Forsaken state and dying from the heat that is already settling in. I am jumping from subject to subject because these are the things I am thinking about right now. So there… stay focused!

I saw “Day After Tomorrow” and it was sooooooooooooooooooooo good. Go see it right now!

Harry Potter is out in a few days!!! YEAH! There are some good movies starting….

OH! Steven Saylor has a new book coming out June 1st and I pre-ordered it! He is FAB-U-LOUS! I have read his series since the beginning with Gordianus in ancient Rome!

I need to get to bed soon! Good night tigers!

I have been watching the WB Superstar now that all of my reality shows and other qulaity shows are off the air OR are in repeats. Oh my GOD I am glad I do not know anyone on this show!!!!! It’s evil… yet I have to watch. Paradise Hotel and Forever Eden were JUST as EVIL and yet… I watched. In the end… I was the only person watching Eden????

So, Kieth and I have pretty much mended our fences … I thnk I wrote earlier that I was off of him. He has done a lot of good things for Adolfo and I and I cannot take that for granted. It is his nature to extend himself out, so his more IRRITATING qualitites have to be overlooked or kept in perspective.

(phone call)

So, Allan and I are on the outs over simular issues… problem is that Allan has broken my trust a lot of times. They were just promises that would have been things I would have gained from… which should have probably never have been made. I wonder if there are other issues as well, like a hidden agenda, like some kind of physical expectations… ya know????

I can hardly say… I debate whether I should post his e-mail explaining his position. It might be a conflict of his privacy???? Well…

I have to consider who my freinds are? I have to consider my own insecurities and deficiencies when it comes to contributing to freindships. I want to be a better person… but sometimes I lose?

We have been working on the apartment. Some of the things we have done is buy a new couch, painted one of the walls a light green, put Adolfo’s picture on the wall over the new fireplace, new mantel, and this cool new statuette of an angel I found we both liked. I did all of this while adolfo was at work.

So, I got to play Home Improvment…. yeh! So, while I was outside staining a shelf (feeling very bootch [can’t even spell it])and all theneighbors I knew an more walked by and we made chit-chat. It was so coooooooooool!

So I cannot wait for Adolfo to come home and be happy with all the changes I made??? Maybe he won’t like it, but that is okay.

Other news, more in line with my usual tone, I had a long conversation with Boston John this week who is sorta a new friend. I have known him for more than a year, but only recently started exploring a freinship wit him… so we walked about the qulaities of freindship. I have been doing some evaluating over the last month or more about WHERE I am in life and WHO is with me on this journey.

I decided I had some toxic people in my life. I think Allan has been a bad influence on me, but I an looking at that and trying to be open minded. He sent me a a long e-mail explaining where he is coming from…

You see, I slammed the door on him recently and told him WHY and HOW pissed at him I was. He wrote a decent reply, long reply, and I have not read through it yet. I do not read LONG e-mails, but I will as soon as possible.

Joh is a good man. GARY is a great man. So many people have been cool with me… some have SUCKED.

My sleeping pill is hitting me.. goodnight

Gary wrote:

“Quote…

Oh, as for the fallen logs in the road, chain saws! It struck me reading that paragraph that your mindset has a bit more pessimistic tone to it when seeing these detours in life as serious roadblocks. I know I have goals and I know people/situations can cause them to be side-tracked, but if it is important to me – regardless of how long the detour – I will achieve it. If I drop it, then I’ve come to see that it was not something that was as important to me.

I guess in a nutshell I would ask you to consider seeing the people setting up challenges from a positive outlook – just as you do with Adolfo. He may be holding you back at times, but you noted he’s also helped you grow in ways you didn’t imagine you could (and I’m not talking about how big your erections get).” End Quote

ya gotta love this man. Bill is a lucky camper!

I had a nice evening with a freind of a freind from out of town. Dinner at the Cuban Cafe on Tropicana… yummy!

I am off to bed.. good night…

Epiphany… I think too much about myself and I think too much about my own chaos. Correct me if I am wrong, Gary, but I sound like a big dramatic idiot on this stupid thing sometimes. YES, I seem to write more when I am upset… so one could assume I am a happy little flower when I do not write.

Wrong.. but often right.

Today I was thinking about people. I keep running into people that seem to be like logs fallen across the path of life. There are some people what continue to slow you down from your goals and hold you back from doing things you want to do… things you want to achieve… simple things.. complicated and important things. I have a lot of those people.

Somehow I do not walk away from them. Frankly, I would not have many people left. Is this a new thing, I ask myself? Have I always been this way? …affected by these kinds of people? Or is it just me right now in my life.

Adolfo is holding me back, but he is also helping me grow in different ways.

Other people hold me back, but only I can achieve what is truly desired. Only I can reach out and grab the gold…

Sometime I wonder how lazy I have become and how complacent. I am on a shadowy road on the path of life and I do not fear, I have to persevere.

Today I logged into Blogger and it is all different. I am thrown by it, but I can live with it.

Last night Adolfo and I threw a party for our new apartment. It was a nice idea… but entertaining has been a “nice idea” since moving to hell… I mean Las Vegas. So, the party was scheduled to start at 7 but only one of our gal pals was there. So we oredered pizza…

At this point I started drinking wine and then people started showing up. We got a nice, little crowd of people we knew. We even got some nice gifts as well… all of which we appreciate very much.

Nobody from my work showed up… no one from Adolfo’s work showed up. PEOPLE SUCK… but what is new.

I find more and more I really do not like a lot of people. Maybe this is Las Vegas? Maybe this is my life? My neurosis? I would hate that my psychological deviations are gorwing and that the healthy identity I want to conceive is still out of reach.

Fuck – this sucks.

Today (Sunday) was my Friday from work. This week was tough as I feel my energy changing. As mentioned previously, I am currently doing something for work that I am not enjoying. I am miserable over the sttitudes of some people while I absolutely love some of the other people I am working with.

I love working with food. Unfortunately, it is reflected on my waist line. I am also coming to terms with some needed personal changes in order to feel better as well. Let’s see how all that works out.

I feel very lonely often these days. I no longer have a friend who is here to lean on. I no longer have someone I can call and say: “Let’s get coffee.” I have no one to run wild with and laugh with and feel good with.

I do with Adolfo, but our time is so limited from each other. I also need freinds outside that intimate circle.

See my previous entry about “friends” for reference. Friends from school have suddenly fallen away… well, peeled away as the path of life has branched out. Now, i am trying to do what I wanted to do months ago… be a better person.

Ya know, some people think they know you. Some people think they know better. Sometimes people know you better than you think, but it is amazing how far off those other people really are. Even the closest ones????

My mom has surprised me a few times telling me things I never realized… that was amazing when she did that. My dad did the same thing sometimes, but the man can hardly hit the target when he is standing in front of it…. he hardly knows me AT ALL. ergh! Adolfo is about 50/50 … which pisses me off sometimes.

Maybe I am ranting incoherantly right now, but I hope I made a point? I hope I formed a whole thought and you can follow??? How about letting me know??????????? Someone write me!

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