So, today I sent out an e-mail announcing the changes in my site. My cousin says it is very “deep”. ‘Deep’ in quotes seems to mask some real feeling about what someone is trying to say… like “wierd” or “queer” or “really wierd”.
I did send out a mass e-mail and had two responses since. Gary is my guardian angel and my ‘voice of conscience’ (as it were) who provides me a sense of security that there are sensible, kind people in the world like him. I really like this guy whom I never met… ha ha ha. We have been talking on-line for years.
Today we are planning on driving out of town for the night. I woke up early this morning to get my tax paperwork done for California. I finished several forms 3 hours after starting. Tom might stay behind as we drive to L.A….? I am desperately in need to brush my teeth right now… so I will talk to everyone soon.
xo Scott
I am so tired at work. Today I was in a mood almost the whole day. A couple of the women have commented that I am “mean”. Hormonal … #@!% ….
It really upsets me sometimes when people are the way they are and there is nothing you can do about it because the PC remifications can be too bitter a pill to swollow. Ugh! 2 are 4 mos. pregnant and another is just … well… she is working my eveery last nerve.
Not to sound negative… I really really love the people I work with. But, there are times when that love is tested. (sad face)… nighty night all.
Has anyone noticed that I updated this bloody site? Is anyone visiting? Ugh!
I did our taxes tonight and my eyes are strained. I want to pass out on the computer as I type this bloody thing.
News is that we are heading itno L.A. for a night next week and we plan on hitting IKEA on the way home. I want items for out bedroom and I want a shelf for the dining room.
Tomorrow I am going to pay bills and get more stuff done around the house. Ugh…
xo
The last couple days have been a little wierd. Adolfo and I had some time together and as usual we make the most of it when we do.
BUT, yesterday our plan was to have another couple over for breakfast and hang out. I started a fire in the fireplace, was making waffles with chopped bacon, etcetras. Well, they turned out to have a flat tire on the car, it was the spare that was flat which meant they had two flats… ugh.
We ended up going out to help them out. Lent some cash to get them by, then we got to talk for a while because it turns out they are having a hard time. Stop guessing… it’s no one whose pics are on the site… yet.
I feel like we were able to do some good that day. It felt good helping the guys out and we love them a lot like we do several of our freinds.
On another subject, I am so bored at work. So so so bored… because I am doing almost the same exact thing daily. I applied for another job so time will tell!!!! Yeah!
Happy Birthday Allan! I missed his birthday because I am a dumbass.
Kisses all!
I halfway expected notes from people this morning wondering about my entry last night… nothing! AND I am glad, because if you know me and read it you might have thought I was just venting. And I was… am… did….
Last night when I picked Adolfo up we went to the Paris Hotel and Casino and had drinks. I had my Godiva Chocolate Martni and he had his KirRoyal. I gambled, lost 50$, got very tipsey, ate a Rueben sandwich very late to sober up.. drove home nervously. It was great!
We go to Paris on occasion and just relax, having fun. I can highly recommend it and welcome anyone to come on along with us!
Anyway, what I did say yesterday was true… I am taking a new outlook on things. Anyone who feels I am not meeting THEIR expectations be damned. If you have an oppurtunity to lay at my feet… show me and I might snatch it up. Got that Tom? Got that anyone else who matters???
Awesome!
So, I am dealing with yet another epiphany today. Between issues with Seattle. Between issues moving me here to LV. Between a woman from 25 years + contacting me out of the blue. Between my parents expectations of me in Culinary. Between other peoples expectations imposed upon me. Dealing with my own unreal vision of my life… I am finally fed up.
I have firmly believed that I was destined to make a mark on the world… I also believed that MEDIOCRITY was my greatest enemy. Maybe this time I need to accept medi-ocrity is my natural course.
I don’t know anymore. I do not feel anymore. I am starting believe it is inevitable to die a quiet death in a mothball stinking room with polyester covers and fiber-fill pillows. Of course the bed will have a plastic underliner and the pillow will also have a plastic liner.
Am I doing my usual whining? Am I doing my usual prattling? If I am I am currently unawares. I really have been feeling this shit.
I would have certainly blown my own brains out 500 different ways if I did not believe it was a cosmic no-no to do so.
Who cares? Well, I have made more decisions and will see where the road takes me. I have no direction. I have no more passion. I heart is darkening and will stop beating as I knew it.. thought it should beat.
I have to find peace and tranquility with Adolfo. I have to find a place to call home and dig roots. I have to accept that security for me, my family, my home is a priority… I have to discover and be at peace with mediocrity.
Since I have moved into Vegas I have reconnected with some interesting people from my past. 1. My best freind from High School, Terry, who can be seen in my photo album during his 40th birthday from last year. 2. My one and only girlfriend Ruby (also in my gallery from 2003) when we reconnected. Both of these guys I am still in touch with and have reformed new and lasting freindships with. Interesting, huh? Well, yesterday I heard from a girl whom I had been freinds with in Junior High School.
Odly enough, I met Ruby and Terry at the same school. This girl was named Judy and she has since been married and had child, blah blah blah. She seems nice. She told me she moved to Santa Barbara right after JHS.
So, she is nice and is telling me in Chat that I was really nice to her… I probably was, but I doubted that I deserve all the kindness that she gave me. She said she has very fond memories of me. I can barely remember lunch today, so I hunkered out my JHS 7th grade yearbook (yes, I have it still and closeby) and looked her up. Yes, I recall her ever so slightly. JHS was an age where I was going through a whole lot of shit….
Well, Judy told me she named her son Scott in his middle name after me… remembering my kindness. I can hardly fathom such an honor. I can hardly believe I was ever so nice given the jaded, burnt out, shattered soul that exhibits his life on this web site.
Anyway… she remembers Terry and Ruby as well. She was shocked when I told her Ruby and I were together for 3 months as a couple.
I made some updates to Uncy Ed’s site tonight and set him up with a blog site and a new site I discovered. www.flickr.com is conencted to blogger as well and you need to check it out. I set Eddie up on that, too, so he can possibly get some instant feedback on some of his work.
Cool, huh?????
Talk soon! Scott
I am thinking aboutmy last entry. It sounded a little bitchy moany. Though I care a little if someone’s nose got out of joint for it, I was just venting.
I have decided I have to search for the positive side of living here and there are aspects. Sometimes I feel like killing Allan for getting me here…though he did nto have a gun to my head.
Ugh… I want to do something with my life. I am waffling again, Gary! I told Ken in the Bahamas that I need some inspiration. There is a cooking school I want to go to in China that is interesting… but I am looking into other things too.
In case some of you did not hear, I am sure I lost out on the Seattle gig I was looking into. The guy seems kinda cool, so who knows what the future holds?
All is well in hoo-ville. Sometimes I feel like I am in Petticoat Junction with the army of hillbilies that live here in Las Vegas. So many people assume what life is like here and boy, are you wrong if you do. Beyond the strip is a variety of worlds. In the west side of town there is a whole new city growing and builders deperately trying to make this place into middle America.
Here on the east side of town there is an old, nastalgic Vegas of homes and off-strip properties that locals often go to. There are also a lot of old neighborhoods that still get some good folks, but other areas that have very poor and depserate people.
Did you know the Mormons founded this town and still run it in many ways? Did you know that a lot of Casino management are Mormons? They are hired because they are more trustworthy… at least that is the perception. I cannot verify that entirely, but at the Venetian anyway, something is amiss because this is now one of the few properties that does not offer or intend to offer domestic partner benetifts.
I am getting off track.
About a year and a half ago there was a congressman in NV that chastised the casino industry for targeting morons and hillbillies in their hiring… great for them. I digress. They are discouraging education and filling positions with under-educated people and therefore paying them lower wages and workig them more hours.. blah blah blah.
I am venting again. Sorry about that…