Last night after work I ended up at a club called Krave here in Las Vegas. It is a high end queer club and this one was featuring cast members from the Zumanity show. It is a show filled with pure, disgusting, sexually depraved fun with drag queens, leather bitches, and all the fun stuff you want to tell your uptight mother about and do not.

Annnnnnnnyway, there were a lot of migit sized party twinks bopping around and some tired dinosaurs that should have hung up that cocktail gown a long time ago. It is the “high-end” club on the strip… the one boys become escorts to go to. Ha ha ha… I have not been to a club in soooooooooo long, Mary, but I had a good time.

No, I did not take Adolfo. Maybe that is why I had fun… JUST KIDDING. I do want to take him… wouldn’t you know as soon as I suggested it he pooped all over the idea. Bitch!!!

I still want to take him. I think he will like it. It has the best go go boys as any of the bars I have seen in this fucked up city.

Speaking of fucked-up… I don’t know it just seemed like the next natural line to begin typing.

….. that job with the famous-persona I talked about previously is in the air. Can’t say what, who, or where as of yet but am working on it. I was all hope-filled and the wife of person-X called me to say it’s all up up up up there because of famous-person-B.

You should see the menu I created for their lunch. I would like to make a roasted pork loin with a carmelized crust on it. I will put a braised Spinach with it and some other delicious thingies. These people are Atkins-people so I have to be thoughtful about WHAT goes into their food.

Nothing else to report for now…. except that the book I have been reading by the sexy and one and only Steven Saylor “A Gladiator Only Dies Twice” is awsome as usual! Read Steven’s books… he is adorable!

I di dnot have much time last night to make an entry. I finally felt like I could at the end of my workshift, but ran out of time.

I ran again last night and I was awful. 3 mile run and I felt like Baby Hewey with a full diaper. Ugh…. I can run on a treadmill easily enough the same distance, but this is harder. I thought it would be a breeze, but now… Aparently the gym has not been enough for me. I cannot focus and I am not getting the steam I need.

When I lived ib Boston I found someone who would workout with me and run… it was a cool arrangement… then we ran races together. It was a good thing, as Martha says, and I miss having someone to exercie with.

My weight has been about 235 up to 240 in recent months. I looked in the mirror and saw the direction my body was going in… BARF. So, I have to be really determined over the next 6 months to turn it all around. It is not fair for me to blame Adolfo for it, because the barriers are ones that I create with his name on them.

Granted, he says he likes me for me and all that crap. I do not accept me for me… that is all I know. I know I an always be better, but how to be better is going to be new to me. Anyway, I am toddling off for ne. Maybe we’ll talk later?

Went running last night after work and it was tougher than I expected. I run very well on the tredmill in the gym, but outside in real time it is harder. What happen????? Anyway, it’s time for me to start heading home. Goodnight, ya’ll

At work again and thinking about a lot of the stuff tyhat has been happening over the last week. Nothing significant, mind you, but enough that it can get my brain thinking. Imagine that?!?!?!

I got some good words from Gary, as previously mentioned… I see Terry dropped a few words though he did not submit his name. I guessed with the mentioning of his dear wife, Kathy. He threatened to change places with me… well, it is always greener in the next pasture, tiger. I sorta heard from Allan in Texas too… he called and left me a short voice mail.

I’ll call you back, I promise.

Today is my Monday… back to work and all. I came in and found out I had some training thing to do and I just psent the last 6 hours in it. The guy I was training with a one of the best guys I work with, but damn it is boring. I have a very short attention span.

It is also hard to put too much effort into a job that I am considering quitting already. Right now I am lookng into my hour glass trying to determine what my future holds. I have to accomplish a few things and I should create another blog that addresses my passions and goals alone.

• Lose 30+ pounds of fat (I know, cut off my head, ha ha ha)
• Let my passion and goals guide me, these I have let flicker and almost be snuffed out.
• Finish getting my finances in order.

Good news is that I may have a big-time celebrity client in the works for a cooking job in a couple weeks. I am very exceited and am extremely hopeful it will blossum into something really cool! It’s a one-shot deal, but I am excited. I did cook for this person before. BUT!!!! This time there are more famous people going to be there…. but I cannot say who so do not ask me.

Truthfully, I miss the cooking gig I had but I know as I move forward in life I will not find that again. I want a gig that I can feel somewhat secure in, but I want to be on a clear path toward owning my own restaurant. There is NO REASON why I cannot do it.

As far as meeting my goals, making the road to get there, I have fallen on my responsibilities to myself. I have not finished my financial plan though I have one restaurant basically designed… I have another also designed. Now I need a $$$$$$$$$$$$$$…. well maybe $$$$$$ …. because $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ is just too much….

Where would I open a restaurant? Well, I have been thinking about it. Certainly any half-ass restaurant in Las Vegas can make money… there are a lot of half-ass places here so it has to be true. A good restaurant can make millionies!!!!! Other coices include… in order of preference:

• Seattle, WA
• Astoria, OR
• Chicago, IL
• Providence, RI
• Manchester, NH ………yes, all northern tier cities!

Well, this is what is on my mind this week. My weekend went by soooooo fast.

This weekend I also saw my freind from New Orleans and his lovely house was completely undamaged. I will send you a link soon. I also want some thought out to Allan in Houston… Austin… something like that with the new Hurricane cuming his way. Tell the Soula-Monster to hold her skirt down!!!!!!

Long day today… I got some good words from Gary off in Nebraska-way. I kept my ass busy all day and accomplished absolutely nothing. I did see a guy from Boston I knew, John, and we had dinner at this intriguing, yet so-so, restaurant next the the 15 freeway and Sahara called Artisan. I have never seen a place like this before.

The cocktail I had was good. We wandered over to Bluemoon after and sat naked in the jacuzzi. I left feeling pretty relaxed. THEN, Adolfo was in bitch-mode and fucked up the rest of the night.

Oh well… I hope tomorrow will be better. I planned on us spending the day together. Scott

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What a day… it’s another day at the Lovely hotel. I am at work and since I have been here (since 3) it has been relatively quiet. There is always someone with a shitty attitude to make the day that much more fun.

Keith stopped by today showing me his new web site and I may put some effort into making it look and work a little better. He has been using a Micrsoft product that is crap (another word for Front Page).

I was chilling for a while at home before he showed up and then I had to runn off to work.

Look, I have little to say right now. Maybe later????

Scott

The affects of SFO are still with me. I feel like I am looking at the worked differenly… but the thing is that I have not really changed. It’s like being possesed and watching Scott physically interacting with the world and the little possesed conscience inside of me watching like a third party.

I had a hissy fit Wednesday night when some shit in our pantry fell down on top of me. It was a realization that WHO I AM and what I would like to be are two different animals.

I want to be more comfortable in the world and feel like I can be, just not in the PLACE where I am right now. This job is a challenege…. odly enough I feel a little more comfortable in my own skin here… but still out of place.

I had to expereince IT once again if for nothing else then to realize once more that I still… still. still… STILL am busy looking at the greener grass thinking I could have that too. I have always had that problem with reality. I have always been so pre-occupied with what I do not have …

The first biggest mistake I made is leaving the military when I did. That is one of my biggest regrets. Today, I regret a few other things. I regret a laundary list that I am sure I published here before. So, Scott get over yourself.

Here I am complaining and whining again and my readers are so silent it is deafening. Gary? Allan? Terry? Kathy? Eddie? Please leave your comments my pretties!

I am back at work. I am back doing Swing Shift and feel pretty good about things in general. When I came back from SFO I thought I felt different inside a bit. I felt kinda wierd. It is because the world just seemed so different with a new point of view.

In Las Vegas I sense that people do not like other people. People tend to be focused on themselves and their own priorities. Themselves. In SFO I saw circumstances that would have been completely different HERE (in LV) versus there (in SFO).

It was as if people in SFO respected other person’s opinions more, they respected their space more, their right-to-be more. The same situation with have errupted in anger or rage for no real reason in LV … that is my perception.

It’s not that people in SFO are more enlightened, but a different level what is acceptable is in place. It is acceptable to be abusive to people here. It is acceptable to be pushy. It is acceptable to demand, through hissy fits and piss all over other people.

I also noticed a lot of people do not make eye contact with other people here. It is as if that level of human connection for may people is too intimate. It’s already too great of a threat. It sucks.

At the market yesterday right after I got off the plane I almost crashed carts with this woman. I smiled and said “excuse me” in a nice polite manner and she nodded uncomfortably and avoided looking me in the face.

At work, this guy I see all the time averts his eyes even when talking one – to – one with me. It’s not just me… I see this go on all the time around me.

It just further justifies my desire to move on… I further makes me aware of my own interraction with people. I am no better than all the others. I need to change myself and worry about that alone… the path of life will let me make a lane change when it will.

I cannot sleep. I went to bed at 11 and I woke up feeling really wierd about 15 minutes ago. I looked at the clock and I thought it was 2am. So, once I realized what time it was for real… I called Adolfo making sure he was okay.

I am still in SFO. This is my last night. I had dinner with Ken and I drnak too much, which could account for my physical condition. I have a headache and I feel slightly dehydrated. I feel really restless and nervous. I feel upset… but I do not know what about. I dreamed that I parked the car here in the garage and that it was raided… ripped off as it were. Well, I did not drive here.

Mt truck is sitting at the LV airport… but that is not where I dreamed there was a problem.

I have felt alittle off through most of the day. I starte dto think I was catching a cold or something. After lunch with Ken I felt a little light headed and loopy… we hung out through the Castro and it just never went away.

I was a very bad man today… I spent moany on clothes and things that I really should not have. 3 pairs of maonts and a sweater from Macy’s; god I love that store. Oh, a tie pin and socks. Ugh… well, I got 30% off and it was good.

Dinner for 2 cost 240.00 dollars including tip. Oh almost shit… so much for Ken taking me out for Dinner. I saw the bill and I could not let him take the brunt of that bill. I told him we would split it.

I need something to help me sleep. I know I will not sleep… I am not a happy camper. I have had such a nutty fucked up schedule in the last week that my sleep paterns are nuked. I ned therapy… ha ha ha ha

The plan tomorrow is that I will be heading back to LV and a dinner engagement with my man. Yeah us. Unitl then, until I take even one picture on this stupid trip, until I get some sleep tonight, kisses.

Scott