I worked on the previous design for almost a month. In the course of one day I decided it was not working. I threw together what you can see today at www.BlueAngelCafe.com with Flash and other images… completely changing what was there in the first place.

I do not think people get my message. I don’t think it makes sense to many people. Perhaps I will spell it out one of these days?

Well, I went with a theme this time that represents more of my fun side rather than a message horribly miscommunicated. I will be enhancing all of it more because the Flash animation is doing a few things I do not want it to do. BUT, I am glad the important functions are working like they should.

My schedule is getting goofy again soon and I can’t wait to get through it next week. Then I start working a graveyard shift. I think going to Grave will be good for me a while because it will provide some continuity to my working schedule. I like being on a routine. Maybe I can get to the gym more often with less getting in the way.

I am still contemplating my next move in life… the next direction I need to go into to feel like I am getting somewhere in life. While going through some inner reflection I realize that somewhere along the way I lost “the fire”. I had a lot of drive to achieve certain things in life. On recent years I sorta let those things go… I let myself go… I let me dreams and passions flounder.

How do I get it back? I have already written about goals and my current non-existent status as a flounderer. It’s a question only I can answer for myself.

I feel energized sometimes and I know there are ways I can get it back. The mechanics are new because my action affect other people/critters. But, I believe I can do it.

I will be off on Saturday and Sunday NEXT WEEKEND instead of my usual Tuesday and Wednesday. I expect I will be a tired puppy when that time rolls around. I could come down with a cold in the week, who knows?

Alas, I am still not feeling this job. It’s not exciting me… but the paycheck is. I make a fair amount of money and combined with Adolfo and side jobs here and there I can’t complain. In fact I need to be building my own empire. I sometimes feel like I am getting too old? Sometimes I feel like the world is passing me by.

Without sounding schizophrenic or anything, I do love Adolfo very much. I feel on a lot of levels we have been very good for each other. But… I have been wondering about a lot of things lately. How do you know? How on earth do you know if it is right? How do you know when it is time to walk on ahead if someone just can’t keep up?

As mentioned in last night’s entry, the food for Thanksgiving was extremely successful. The pictures cab be found here or by following the gallery link above. What I did notice is there are no pictures of me or the food I produced… at all. What the hell?

We invited a lot of people and had about 16 guests altogether. Not all of them there at the same time. Most stayed through the afternoon and evening while others came later on and hang out for a bit.

By the time the last body left I collapsed on the couch and soon after we meandered to bed. I finished throwing away food and things this morning. I wanted as much stuff gone as possible because the more food that lingers themore that gets eaten. Yeah, I am fat enough.

Tom was being a pain in the butt… I did not realize one person that came was allergic to dog hair. uhm… okay.

Kenny was heavily intoxicated. And… Kenny was Kenny. I actually made 2 kinds of cranberry sauce that were both excellent and made with real cranberries. He called and had someone get him that canned cranberry gel block because that was what he wanted. uhm… yeah.

Kenny left arly without a goodbye. Just slithered out and blew everyone off for the rest of the night. So… yeah.

My moms Red Velver Cake was a hit. The icing is a bit unusual, but it tastes good. I tried to bribe my dad to come for a visit with it… but it did not work. Otherwise, I am extremely happy it all worked out. There was one error that no one really noticed and I decided to let it go… why point out one’s mistakes?

I bought one of Adolfo’s gifts on-line last night and I think he will like it. I think I am only worried about buying for him. He will naturally help me with our families. Then friends… like couples and kids we usually buy for … at least a little something-something. The drunks will get alchohol.

About Adolso’s gifts… every year I make a complete mess of it. I buy him something he hates or is something he would never use though… I really thought he would. I try and get him something to get him motivated and it just goes to shit. My biggest unreal expectation was a whole sewing machine and patern making set my mom got him too. All kinds of stuff for making his own clothes and designing.

It was intended to get him motivated to go to school, fashion school, and get the fuck out of retail. This would be an oppurtunity to grow into a career he really has some strengths in. But, that would be too smart, huh?

Ugh… he gets me frustrated some times. He has no drive in life… which I just don’t get.

CHANGING SUBJECTS
I called Terry tonight to see how he was doing. I also talked to Kathy! It seems there is a chance they will be back to visit in a few months. I am wondering if I will be here when they are???

Okay… I’ve kvetched… I’ve ranted… now it is time for me to go. Cheers! Scott

This is going to be a busy week. I am sure I am the only one who’s going to be this busy… so feel sorry only for me. The funny thing is that we still have no idea who is coming for dinner Thursday and who is not. I have enough food for several families OR the entire Somalian nation.

Yesterday I bought the Prime Rib and it is lovely! The turkey was frozen, I wanted freshly killed, but I figured I would end up screwed if I held out. So, he is defrosting in the skink waiting to be heavily injected with fluids.

I will start everything on Wednesday and will be in the kitchen the whole day, except for what I miht get done on late Tuesday. Here is my deal:

Monday (Today)
I am working. We went to get some of the stuff for stuffing and then went shopping. Not any major shopping, but today involved taking care of stupid and important things. Deposit to the bank, buy one of my mom&step-dad’s birthday/anniversary gifts, buy dog food, found a dog sweater for Tom and some doggy treats… then we got some lunch and I was off to work… where I am now.

Tuesday
I am usually off. I traded this day for Thursday to have TG Day off. So I have to be at work at 7am and get off at 3. I have a work commitment at 4 I can come and go from right away. I just have to clock in for it. THEN! I have a side job at 6 here at the Venetian so I will be here ALL FRIGGIN’ DAY … I should be home by/about 10 which means I can start something and get it in the fridge.

Wednesday
Bake the cake and set it up. Season the meat. Make the marshmallows. It should all be cool. BUT… we have to see Harry Potter this day. We tried last Friday but ended up pigging out at Red Lobster instead.

Thursday
Snacks hit the table about noon and dinner will be served around 3pm. You’ve seen the menu!

I am hoping it will be an awesome event. I am looking forward to people coming over, hanging out, and genral good times had by all. Including ME!

I also want to send out some warm thoughts to Cousine Diane who just survived a car accident that could have easily killed her. Love to Rosa and he family in Florida. Love to everyone!

This week someone says to me: You do not look or act your age. In more ways than not I can look into that and see a compliment. I feel like a kid sometimes, but other times I feel like a tired old man.

I already ranted endlessly over my weight issues. But, I am certain that has something to do with it as well. The way I feel is also dependent on how I have worked out, if I have worked out, and how much sleep have I gotten.

Although I am carrying 40 new pounds on my body I often feel like a skinny person… lord knows I forget that when I shop for clothes sometimes because I am looking at some of these styles and realize how deluded I am.

If I looked 25% as good as some of these mannequins do in those clothes I would be seriously rockin’… some of these places know how to sell to us; the eternally deluded.

My concern about this label of “immaturity” … I feel like it is a problem on occasion from myself looking in. I have already written about acting very spoiled and bitchy on occasion. At work at my JOB (dirty word) I feel frustrated with people on occasion and that immaturity comes out.

I can be very focused, but I have not been for a while now. I wonder what I have traded in for what I want and where I am going? Adolfo deserves a lot of good credit for taking care of me and keeping my feet on the ground, but I think it is in my nature to be more impulsive and flighty (flaky, whatever) though more reliable in my work.

Interesting that this diary entry has inspired me to consider some changes soon. I will start changing my world in February… keep posted.

I analyze myself too much… so I will stop at this point.

Notice the configuration change? Well, I am working on updating the site and trying to deal with an issue on this page. How do I get my background image set???? I am trying to alter the code using CCS profided by Blogger and… argh. It is not working.

Anyway… more to come.

All I am doing with the new web design is adding finishing touches now. All the art is in. Most of the configurations are made. I will have to try and make the diary page fit where it is supposed to fit and then… wha-LAH! After Thanksgiving sometime it will be up and running.

I will naturally be sending out an announcement when it is finally released and all will rejoice!

Terry loves my e-mail blasts…

Speaking of whom, I have not heard from the big-man and the lovely misses (aka Kathy) in a while. My friend… we are soon approaching our 25th anniversary since graduating Queer Hill High School… can you imagine it? That would mean I have know Terry for almost 29 years??? I think we met and started hanging out in our Sophomore year?

Everyone thought Terry was homo because we were friends… if he was homo I never caught him!!! He was always cool with homos though, though it is true he was so comfortable with his own sexual identity, that I don’t think he ever noticed or cared what other people did too much as long as nobody got hurt…. no wonder he is a sheriff and a boy scout leader today. He was always a good man and he makes a good dad!

I remember Trish Kamminga from high school, too. Terry is #1, Trish is definitely #2 in good memories… she was the greatest chick in the world. She hooked me up with her EXTREMELY sexy brother whom I became close friends with. She was the head cheerleader, miss personality extreme, and a genuinely warm girl. She had the hottest BF in high school, too, John Meade! I can remember all their names and faces like it was yesterday.

Terry and I had a buddy in high school named David Tilley who went insane. Well, you could say he became intensely stupid. He ended up dropping out of high school (lot’s of sordid details) and that was a mess. I still remember him… but he had troubles.

While meandering along memory lane let us not forget James Valentine DuPratt (rip) who was one of the best teachers in the world. He taught Englsih and Advanced English courses at the high school. When he died my dad sent me the newspaper article and he will live forever in my memory!

Alma Mader …. imagine having this name in the end of the seventies. My Social Studies teacher was this surely woman with a tight bun and cat-eye glasses who affectionately became Darth Mader. BUT!!!! She taught me how to outline and that crazy daffy woman’s teaching stuck with me even to today.

There were other extremely memorable teachers like Stefanie Dashiff, my German teacher, who provided a lot of support for her students. And others.

My school was in the middle of the desert back in the day… it was new and a good looking campus, but the whole Antelope Valley has changed since I grew up in Lancaster, California. I drove through it a couple of times and just looked at some of the old familiar places that have since vanished into history.

There used to be a busy aircraft plant there but when it closed the world forgot it for a while. Lancaster was famous for the Space Shuttle for 10 minutes and then it got very quiet. It only became pooopular again when the yuppies from L.A. started running out of places to build cheap homes and they started commuting.

This was your history lesson for the day. There will be a multiple choice exam after your juice break… sharpen your #2 pencils and be ready in 15 minutes.

I got an e-mail from Allan today about my FAT Rant… he has a weight problem himself and was there with words of encouragment. Isn’t that precious. Well, he has used that as an excuse not to come visit in 2 years… plus all of his other issues. Oh what a long list we weave… tangled web or sewn somethings… ha ha ha. (Allan just called me an “bloody” asshole somewhere)

The plan after work today is to see Harry Potter! There is hardly a really good theater to go to anymore… so much white-trash and ghetto scum that hang out anymore. The benefit of going to a newly released movie is that most people will not put up with people being asses.

Next 12 year old girl I see in the theater I am tazzzzzing her if she sits anywhere near me! Why is it girls and old black men think they can talk through a movie? Are they missing something????

Anyway, I have had a sucky day so far and I hope tonight proves to be somewhat relaxing. I come in late tomorrow so at least I can relax tonight. XOXOXOX

Here is a little preview of the site coming after Thanksgiving. Upon the release it will have pictures from my Thanksgiving Dinner!

Like the ALL NEW ART!?!?!?! Plus some exciting and fun features. This is gunna be way cool.

My Thanksgiving menu is also formed and when I showed it off at work, one of my co-workers wanted the same dinner and offered to buy. I might be making two dinners this holiday….

Interesting in joining us for dinner…? Dear freinds are always welcome. I am hoping this will be one of the best holidays ever. I wish my parents could have been here.

I am fat. Okay… so as overweight as I feel I am, as much as I know I have gained and need to loose, it’s funny that a lot of people still look at me as an attractive person. I am starting to lose my hair, too. Oh my HELL…. my life is spiraling downhill. BUT NOT REALLY!!!!

Imagine that ugly people manage to find lovers, get married, and get laid once in a while themselves. Twinks and teenagers can’t imagine that ugly people can get love too. Ugly people can be happy. The funniest thing is when two ugly people make a baby it can be gorgeous …or hideous.

I saw some pictures of when I lived in Boston.. I was fierce looking back them. I am so not ugly now, but this weight totally bothers me. I sometimes see people that are extremely attractive, BUT they are carrying just enough weight that it detracts from their looks… that’s me.

Since leaving Boston I gained 40#s!!!!!! I can hardly imagine… because I have not weighed this much since I was in high school. Between my junior year and senior year I lost a good amount of weight. I further enhanced my body with weight training and regular exercise to become quite good looking; I even almost became a model (scary story).

Well, as you can imagine, being a Chef and having a relationship are two factors that have been roadblocks in trying to lose weight. Adolfo has moderately encouraged me to get more fit, but he has been more of an obstacle than anything. I have not exactly been Plymouth Rock about my convictions, too.

Slowly… surely… I am on yet another scheme to begin my decent on weight. For the last week I have substituted 2 meals of my day to protein shakes that are low in calories and high in protein. Some carbs, virtually no fat, and pretty healthy over all. Like this morning.. I had orange juice and carrot juice in the blender … then I added 2 scoops of powder … done til 1… where I ate a Cliff bar (High fiber)… and had a normal lunch about 2pm (salad and chicken fingers).

This is my early night, so I get to go home soon. I am off at 6 and Adolfo announced he is cooking dinner. This is totally wrong… I am not even close to being hungry.

Good news is that tomorrow we are planning on going to see Harry Potter! Daniel is such a cutie! Anyway… tah!

I have been meaning to post this picture… this is Tom in a Holloween costume I got for him and dressed him up one evening. He was MIZZZZZZERABLE and was hating it, but he gave in to me. See the misery in his face?

Anyway… nothing special happening tonight except: I got an e-mail from Gary today. He is always busy anymore. We hardly talk. AND… I heard from Rosa (see here in the new who’s-sho listing with the new 2006 web site).

Rosa is a dear gal-pal who lost her husband a little while back and has the awesome support from her family; sisters, mother, and kids. I hope to see her again soon.