I bought a new car yesterday…. I was nervous to say anything until the paperwork was finished this afternoon. I am so stoked!!!! It’s a 2007 Element SC and it rides so smooth and it was loaded with some nice schtuff. I drive it every chance I can… but tomorrow I have to go to work and leave the little baby in the damn parking garage.

Adolfo likes it a lot too…. be jelous.

Kenny called it a Lesbian car.

Woody laughed at me so far… saying something to the affect that I lost my mojo.

Fuck you all.. ha ha ha… I love it. It’s the new me… a mojo-less lesbian!

I would like to see life make positive changes… I always feel adrift and these classes I have been taking have given me a little more self confidence. I also am really feeling a lot of pressure from my job… sometimes to the point of my own psychosis. I say this because the crap I have to deal with in this place would overwhlem anyone.

No… I’m not saying my job is better or tougher than yours… this is about me bitch.

So, Sam is back in L.A. and I am a little confused about his direction and what he wants to do. It is his life and I want to help him. It’s been mostly good having him here but it also a challenge to the rest of the peeepils in the house because I guess we got used to being so isolated. We love Sam a lot… he endeers to the heart.

I am so busy these days I am constantly tired. Between trying to keep up with school shit and working it’s all becaome a hell o a balancing act. Sleep is relative.

There are a lot of things in life I wish I could change. I would be closer to freinds and have more money enjoy life more… and lose a few pounds… ugh!!!!!

Another weekend in the dust… today is my Monday and it is hard to believe I will be returning to school in just a couple weeks. I am looking ahead with anticipation and fear of this new challenge. It will eventually include subject I may have to struggle with like coding and “programming” as it were.

Starting off I will be doing art, of all things, and graphic design. This is an area I have some strength in and will hopefully find some relief in starting off slowly.

Chef Hoffmeister was none too pleased when he heard I was coming back, but not in his program. I can fogure he sees me as a failure. I never planned on a career in Cluinary. I always wanted my own restaurant and doing to this school was a step in achieving that, but making a career out of this industry is absolutely insane.

The Sam v. Adolfo thing is not going too badly. They seem to politely avoid each other and I think Adolfo is not so thrilled that Sam and I get along so well. Sam is making life lighter, but he is also pointing out some real issues I have had with Adolfo.

See, Adolfo takes life way way too seriously and can be a real shit when it comes to just being. Suggestions are crapped all over while Adolfo is also scared of anything new. He is profoundly negative, which he seems to blame is sister for. I’m not so sure.

We had a long talk and though it could have gone horribly wrong Adolfo was pretty good about it and the rest of the day went well. Sam is a sweetheart and Adolfo is consistent… at least he tries… for the most part. Sam does talk incesantly and half the time I turn my brain off so I am partially listening.

Platapuss Feet…. ha ha ha … Sam has Platapus Feet

Yesterday was a tough day and I am throughly grateful it ended. I think I already lamented in here how it started even if it was in a brief set of notes, blurbs, expulsions of some kind in the previous entry. It was a draining day that lasted until I finally went to sleep.

Sam is staying with us (see my mySpace for visual reference) and with all the recent crap going on it seems to be creating pressure in the house. Adolfo is unhappy about it and keeps bitching about Sam. Adolfo keeps nitpicking on little shit, but the thing is I understand where Adolfo is coming from. Twice Adolfo paid for food/dinner and neither time did Sam say “thank you”. Sam is also sorta laying around the house constantly which is also pissing him off… well, I undertsand that too but Sam needs a little time to get himself going (long story behind that).

So, I made a nice dinner last night. Stuffed chicken with salami and fresh mozzerrella cheese, parmeassan risotto and a little jar tomato sauce… blah blah blah. I made three portions and miss attitude showed up late and as of this moment his plate is still sitting untouched 13 hours later at his place at the table.

The little bitch came home without a word and stayed in the bedroom the whole remainder of the evening. Ugh!!!!!

Well, Danial (see mySpace for visual reference) was apparently killed in a very publicised accident that involved street racing, an undercover cop in ciritical consition, and a massive accident site here in the city. Friday evening as I walked the dog I told Daniel how much he will be missed and how much he touched the lives of so many people around him in a loving way. He was as beautiful inside as he was outside and I will miss him.

Adolfo was much closer to him as they worked together in the Wynn resort daily. He was a clown, a flirt, a warm and caring human being.

Today has turned out to be a really really really fucked up day so far. Last night I am told a freind of ours was killed in a car accident. There was a lot of emeotion last night.

Sam is struggling to move ahead and I feel like I don’t need to worry as much… he is a strong soul and can move forward.

This morning I get up and struggle to function… with one cup of coffee in my bloodstream my temperature indicator on the car goes off like an x-mas tree barely making it to work.

I am working alone through the morning and getting the shit kiked out of me here with a ton of issues popping up.

Ugh!!!! I go home in 20 minutes… yeah me!!!!

S

Well, this is a lovely week. I am in this state of change right now with life in general and it seems to be affecting me in general and causing this rippling affect. I drove to L.A. on Tuesday and picked up Sam from his parents house and now he is crashing in our 2nd bedroom. I am very happy to see him and he is cracking me up a lot.

I spent yesterday entertaining him, but I ended up entertaining myself with shopping and helarious laughter. I bought a couple paur of pants and some skin-product (that cost more than the 2 pants combined).

I made dinner, too. Cheesy spinach rolled in a chicken filet and cooked in a skillet then set on a bed of mash potato.

Anyway, I am looking forward to getting Sam rolling in life and getting on with my own shit, School starts 10/2 and it seems like it is going to be a lifetime especially at my age. I just need to be an old fart in a school of hot young twinks… oops.

Anyway, this was just a quickie. xo

Look cool!?!?!?!?! I amde some visual changes and updated a few piccies really quick. Yeah me!

It’s been a fairly quiet month. Being on my new schedule it leaves me with less time to screw around with personal stuff on the web and stuff. However, I did manage to get some new things on HaloNet. I managed to start reading a new book: “Angels and Demons” by Dan Brown. I also enrolled in school so I will be returning to education effective 10/2 and working on a Bachelor Degree.

So, you can see I have not exactly been idle. It does interfere with any travel plans in the forseeable future. I really really really wanted to go to NY and see pal Chef Ken in mid October. Then I decided to try and jet off to see him in SFO for the Castro Street Fair weekend… nothing worked out. Plus, Chef Keith is going to be in Grand Junction to see sistah Karen around the same time and I was hoping to make a visit.

Money is always an issue as well. I am extremely tempted to get a new car right now as people around me are getting theirs. My truck should be paid off in a little while (Nov) and although I have no complaints about it I am looking at some of these new trucks and droolings. The new Jeep looked cool, but I think I got over it. The HHR from Chevy is interesting???? I should be happy without a car payment for a while… pay some friggin bills.

Well, with school on the horizon and student loans pennding in the “oh my hell!” range, I should just shut up and focus on building SOMETHING for my future. Anything?

I still am thinking about relocating soon even if it means transferring schools in the interim because I am really over this whole Las Vegas thing. Than goodness the weather is startting to mellow out… summer is a fucking whore with fire-crotch man! It gets way to fucking hot and way to fucking dry here. barely any rain this year, too! UGH!!!!

Anyway… Adolfo’s upset because his second best freind just announced he was leaving LV and heading back to New Jersey (ew!). Love the freind, hate the state.

No other news. I am sure I will be writing more and you will see more things developing on my sites as I progress into school and life. Cheers for now. XO

I am watching Muriel’s Wedding right now and spent a good part of the day just doing things as exciting as that. Okay, I went to the gym earlier and watched a man try and lure me into a shower. I don’t know what the universe is doing today, but when I initially went into the shower area three of the gym’s biggest freaks were in there being freaky with each other… ew. They honestly looked at me like I would wnt to jump in… I left nausiated.

CHANGING THE SUBJECT…

So… on the way to the gym I called a few freinds of mine to come over for dinner. I have been holding a pork tenderloin in the fridge for a couple nights sitting in a tomato sauce. I bought some other yummy things to go with it; some brown mushrooms and baby spinach.

I cooked the mushrooms down with some onions and celery, splashed them with some dark rum, and cooked out some precuitto. I fileted a pork tenderloin and rolled it out into a big sheet. Then i laid out the mushrooms on it, layered the ham over that, then rolled it all closed. After tying it shut I pan seered the whole thing to get it nicely camelized on the outside.

The tomato sauce is an acid and breaks down the tough tissue. The intention is that the meat is sweet and tender. But, hell, never overcook pork because it will be awful. Everyone over cooks pork!

No one called me to say they were not going to make it. I figured they might check voice mail since this morning. But, no. I supose I can’t get too upset by it… no I could, but I won’t.

Annnnway…. Dad was here visiting yesterday and Adolfo and I went to see him. The day went well up to a point. Adolfo was so rude to me on a couple of occasions. I blew it off initially, but then it got to the point where I just sould not take it anymore and I turned off. I just shut down rather than deal with him a minute more.

Ken, my hot Bahama Chef pal, says “leave”. It’s not that simple… or is it? I seem to have this parade of failed relatiosnhips and the common thread is that they lose repsect for me. I know I don’t deserve it.

Long story… all my own fault. Right Brian V??? I have been thinking a lot about ex’s and how much I still love some of them. If I feel love for someone, freind or lover, it stays strong inside of me. If I love someone it’s the most honest expression of my soul that I can give.

Brian: (who never reads these things) I loved you so much. We were like oil and water, but I loved you anyway.

Frank: a love that faded because as much as I offred love and freindship it was never accepted. I was never privy to his feelings. Big Daddy was his nickname (guess why) and he happy in Long Beach probably or somewhere fabulous.

James M: in Northridge Ca… I was still not good enough.

John: I hurt him and I was wrong.

Ron: whom I loved so deeply, but I fled because it was all going so wrong. Then you died and 15 years later I still think of you.

Michael C: the loving neighbor boy.

That’s just a few people. The ones I thin of most out of the ex’s category.

Maureen: fried and gal-pal

Rosa: miss you so much.

Cynthia: I wish we never lost our paths.

This rant is getting out of control. So, I end it here. Terry, Sam, Woody, Keith and so many more should be in here as well. People come into your life, touch something, then vacate sadly.

So… as mentioned in previous entries I groused enlessly about hao mizzzzerable life is on occasion and how I am stuck in big rut! Well, I also mentioned I guess I was the only person that could change that. So I decided to go back to school for a while and see where that takes me.

I still have a variety of other goals which are written down at home on a chalk board where I can see them everyday. It seems to be a help psychologically speaking, and with the days I am taking off from work this week hopefully I can make a dent. My finances are a little tight only because I realized how much I have been overspending, and wasting in general.

I decided to cancel my www.wineofthemonthclub.com membership because it was about 30$ a month I did not NEED to be spending especially since I do not drink THAT MUCH wine. I get two bottles a month from them… got two bottles a month. I cancelled a membership to another website for business schtuff.

This week I did a worksheet of the last 6 months of spending and … shit! In February I spent 950.00 on dining out. This was the month of Adolfo’s birthday. I know that cost me about 400. Ugh… BUT… on the average we have spent at least 1K$ on food with groceries or dining out. What the hell? Anyone wnat to wonder why I am so damn fat?!?!?!?!?!?!?????!!!!?!?!?!?!

So, now it is time to start triming costs where possible. Trimming calories. Trimming impulse purchases. It’s a time for a little conservation and achieving goals. I asked Adolfo to work on getting his DL by 9/15…. so far not a thing. Maybe he is waiting for me to trim my waist line first.