As mentioned in several of my previous posts… this is an homage (sp?) to the end of Summer 2008. This was from our outing at the pool. This is Ben with me in the image. Damn, he is cute.

Dating wise… well, I got hit with a right hook this weekend. NOT LITERALLY! A guy I have been flirting with for the last 3 years or so became available and called me. We were both in relationships and there was this attraction that existed. I never anticipated it would go anywhere. He recently ended an 11 year relationship with someone… no not Ben. This guy will be called Gabriel because he says I cannot use his real name … I decided I would kindly honor that for now. So let’s see what happens?

Okay! I have more pics and will be updating the new gallery soon! Ciao for now bitches!

testing Mr. Scott

I am officially announcing an organized trip to Burning Man for 2009; man you got to do some things in life at least once. So, I will be adding a section of my site just for that purpose. I will come up with a name of our community. We will caravan out and rendezvous at the site.

Already a few people have intimated a strong interest. So, the end of Summer 2009 will be a new dimension in spiritual growth for me and the ethereal souls who will join me on this journey.

Here is an interesting article on the event as wll as the main web site for Burning Man if you want to read more. As this gets closer I will add some more links so people can learn more about it… I will be doing my own reading.

2009 will be a special year for me and I want to share it with others too. There will be joy. There will be an escape from the modern world. But hell yeah there will be an RV to sleep in… ha ha ha!!!

I just got this satellite image off the Weather Channel and can;t help but feel that Ike looks a little angry here. My Texas peeps better batten the hatches!

Cheryl, hold tight girl!

Allan, you lost too much weight so you will blow away easy… but you won’t float.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… really , be safe

I spend too much time in my own head. My brain is going 20% faster than the rest of me and I do not even get the benefit of the intellect hat could potentially go along with that. Basically, the best applicable phrase is … spinning in my own shit. I like life on FF, but the problem is that it is hard to slow down.

So, I dragged my FAT nasty stinky ass out for a run tonight. It was inspired by Kenny Upton and some others I know that lost their boyfriend-weight and I am falling behind. While out jogging.. while out listening to transportal.org pod cast.. I thought about 50 different things.

Back to Ben… the word is Patronizing. I wondered if he is patronizing the fat boy or being genuinely friendly? I’ve been wrong about people a lot. I’ve been right more than I have been wrong. It’s hard to tell because my antenna is twisted.

I have decided that the 3 guys I have crushed on over the last few months… none of them deserve me. I felt so strongly connected to these guys and in the end it was like a fiery plane crash in the middle of the Amazon.

I’m not fat… a little overweight. Okay, much more overweight than I should be but I do not think I look like I am 60#’ over. SIXTY! FUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!

No one is reading this damn thing anymore… I hear the crickets chirping. Even my most loyal fans have gone away… durn… 🙁

So, I have made a decision. Let’s see how long this lasts! I am going to diet through Thanksgiving in an effort to lose weight. I am going to do what it takes and see if it can happen. I know about 1/2 a dozen guys who lost between 30 to 50 #’s of fat and a couple that lost 180 to 220# of b.s. that prove it has to be successful.

Jogging, Yoga, and dieting. Wish me luck and give me your prayers….

…and where are all the comments from the people I gave Authoring access to???

this is going to sound very bi-polar but I am just fed up with the people I have been meeting. I was driving home from school tonight thinking about my adventured on Labor Day and how when I told a couple people about it I got judgment. A guy who is on Manhunt showing his cock next to a can of shaving gel comparing the size gave me an attitude. A guy who fucks in the shower in the gym indiscriminately gave me an attitude.

People are seriously fucked up. Fuck you and the red hot pony you all rode in on.

I remembered the work I could not think of when I was talking about Ben…. and it is the exact word. But I forgot it as I type this thing. Starts with a P… Patronize!!! I remembered it!!!! Just now… the word came back into my tiny brain.

Ben is a seriously nice guy who is not the kind of guy to burn a bridge, but I figured out he will shovel shit faster than a chain gang on their way to a whore house. I figured out that my ‘interest shown’ was just the thing to turn him off… people are so transparent. But damn if he keeps me thinking and wondering if I am wrong. So, I formally quit lamenting over the LOSERS in this city who are not interested in dating me.

Fuck you bitches…… gosh, it is sounding jaded huh???? Well, you have seen the cover page of my site, haven’t you?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

So – it’s “feelin’ – sorry – for – myself” time again. I am getting sick of boring Saturday evenings with nothing or no-one to do. All the boys I know are busy with their own lives or getting laid by the hot-looking boys… blah blah blah

I have no clue about men anymore. I have no idea what the hell I am doing. These days are so devoid of guys who can make a commitment to another man or to sanity. Sigh… it’s so nuts I am starting to doubt my own insanity.

Remember the Ben story…? or was that the one I deleted? Well, I may have written I was over that because I think I was/am getting to the point where I see him as someone who looks at me more as a pity-fuck than anything else. Well, over-stated as usual. But for the life of me I cannot remember the word I want to use… for days I cannot thing of the word that fits!!!!

Ugh… I hooked up with a guy last weekend whom I knew through my previous relationship. He acted like I was someone he wanted… well reality is he has a life of his own and he is not relationship material. Damn he is hot.

Anyone else previously mentioned is off the radar right now.

Gary and Cheryl will have given up on me with this entry. Sigh… I want someone… but I am starting to feel like there is no one. This sucks!

Not a single person commented on my previous post. I was hoping someone would… and I granted posting access to some of my friends. I put things into it I might not normally have said. Yes, it’s all true. But this period of life I am in and what I am exploring is just something new and exciting.

Gary’s comments on a recent posting still haunt me. Cheryl’s words also kinda haunt me… it was all about relationships and my pointless journey for finding a new mate. The plus of it all that in spite of the fact that I am not meeting my arch-type male I am meeting people I consider friends AND some are pretty damn cool.

That boy that lives near me is still someone I am crushing on, but I am seeing it all very differently lately. He seems to to look at me very differently than I look at him. He may want someone better looking I think, because he comments a lot about guys that are different than me. I think he likes the person inside of me, but my slight weight gain is enough to repell him.

Ans here I am struggling with my own self image and self esteem … just to get caught up in someone esles similar journey. It looks messy in that garden instead of greener all of a sudden.

I want to have a companion in life. Both for economic reasons as well as just to have someone around who can laugh at all the stupid shit life throws at us.

Love all

Summer 08 can go into the history books as one of the best summers I can remember. Why? Well, this weekend is just concluding and so is the latest weekend of my frolicy…

When school broke at the end of the Spring08 session I started going out and hanging out more. As you may heave read back, I also had a big fallout with John. Since then, John and I have renewed out friendship and let those wounds heal. I am a demanding bitch, but that Aries butt-head is a stubborn hole.

Anyway, since then we have been hanging out a lot at the Towne Center Square which is near the 215 and 15 freeways. It’s a lovely complex with great shops and food places. It’s all new and is really cool. Often ended up at Blue Martini for Happy Hour a and then drive home bordering on DUI.

Different people hung out with us over time. It was awesome getting people from my background and from John’s background. Marissa from school came. Mark and ___ (forget her name for the moment) were great to hang with. Debbie came down a lot and we had great times. It was all so good.

Then John introduced me to a gay couple here who are older. They are about 50 but look great. So for the last 4 weeks we have been going over to their place. It’s been so so so so so so cool.

They have a private pool I really enjoyed and took advantage of. I engaged in debauchery and with that came a lot of cool shit…. the first weekend we smoked at little skanky pot. But the following weekend one of the guys came up with some ecstasy which was amazing. Now, keep in mind that I had never done this shit before so the experience was different.

2 weeks ago I brought a guest to the party whom I was seriously crushing on. On x and feeling very amorous you can imagine it was tense… no – no nookie. But the we were able to be nude in the pool (though for the most part I was the only naked person til one of the hosts stripped down too).

Last weekend was quiet and a little boring. Nothing special going on, but all my energy was teaming up for Labor Day Weekend.

Monday was my day – aka Today – and one of our hosts got us more x for this weekend. It was way cool. I am still high while typing this.. which explains why the entry is so friggin long. I invited a few people along, but one came by besides the other guests were there. One guy came who turned out to be really cool. He used to date one of the friends of my ex. Turned out to be such a nice guy and it was cool.

So… last time I was on this stuff I typed a big stupid entry I ended up deleting the next day. Let’s see if this one survives when I re-read it tomorrow. ha ha ha

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE HAPPEN TODAY???? Kaidy Kuna came to visit today with his new man… Mark. We had a nice lunch together. I miss Kaidy!

I am always tired and work is wearing me down… no life is wearing me down. I literally am living for Sunday’s. Sunday is my play day… and this summer has been awesome. I spent the first half of the summer hanging out with John at Towne Center Square thingy at the movies and Blue Martini… yum. If I kept that up I would have shirley (yes, I know how I spelled that) would have had a DUI. Oh, hell no.

BUT! Through John I met Alex and Perry. They are a couple who have a lovely house with a “private” pool. It’s been so nice… hanging out until late into the evening. Just floating around in the water has been fun… oh yeah… I should mention I was often naked in that water… tee hee

Yes, clothing optional. My parents were borderline hippies who belonged to a nudist colony when I was a kid… nudity to someone like me is just no clothes. BUT… this is the last big weekend of the year and I got work that Kaidy Kuna was coming and I am thrilled. You should see his commercials on YouTUBE. He directs and acts. He’s bringing some man meat along with him.

I hope to be able to post some new pics from the weekend… nothing dirty boys! Pigs!!!

xo