I will say that this year has started off great. I turned 60 a few weeks ago and it feels like over the last four months or so that life has taken a turn. Only in good ways, I will say, all of them I am grateful for. Family has taken on a stronger meaning… chosen family versus biological family.  It has been on my mind a lot, too. My biological family has been a mess most of my life and the chaos and loathing in it has been hard on me. I know none of them have had an easy life, but it feels as if it has been one unhealthy turn after another. 

My parents did their best, I think. That is to say, they only operated within their ability and tried to better than their parents. Only in hindsight can I look back and see that there was dysfunction that went on for generations. Most of my mom’s family (brothers mostly) were drag addicts and drunks. My dad’s family was always a bit of a mystery to me, but I know my dad grew up angry at his dad (who died way too young from alcoholism I believe). I knew grand parents, but great grandparents were generally really nice people.  Hard to say where things went wrong… the 1960’s with all that free love and bullshit – right? 

My dad and I were never on he same page and I saw my time as a kid as one horrible experience after another. I could fill a book with the crazy shit that man put me through, of which I have gone through years of therapy, and can only come to terms with on my own. Like I said above, he operated with what he had. The list of shit he pulled on me is long and deep, things that fuck a kids head, like hard… but there are islands of good in there it’s hard to measure with the rest of it. 

My mom was complicated and had a lot of screwed up ideas about life. I took to a lot of her thinking, which is not a bonus. 

Both of them married badly after divorcing when I was thirteen. Well, maybe my dad did get it right with the last one. But, sadly I heard she passed away. She was a lovely person. But wife #2 and #3. Hmph

I can’t get too much further into this right now. I had no idea I was going to go down this path. This started off as something else and went here…. I think this has been on my mind.