This isn’t porn!!!! It’s guys somewhere in the world wrestling… and it is beautiful!
bustour#4 – gladyatörs from markus dassel on Vimeo.
Category Archives: Feeling it
Where? What? Huh?
Been feeling like making an entry, but my thoughts were focusing on negative things and I think I need to vary away from all that. I get so angry when I think about the pure evil that Cameron and Melissa have inflicted on this community and how so many people think it is so damn cute.
Anyway, I am working hard on getting this art project funded and off the ground, but fate seems to be working against me again. Maybe I am just walking down the wrong road? I cannot seem to get people to support me on this endeavor at least not at the level I really need.
Anyway, I have a couple garments I am finishing up this weekend and one of them is so cool looking! I will scan them in and post on my portfolio site. 🙂
Paths
Things have been going well, relatively speaking, and the blessing haqve continued to come. If only I could find some stable ground to stand on along the way.
I need to get a job or find some legal/valid source of income happening more than big art projects. This one project I am hoping will start to establish some credit because I am also joining with some other creative people to get this done. Apathy is killing me.
Saturday night was Winterfest and it was really cool. I enjoyed it a lot. I really felt something very different that night. It is special to know there are some people out there that are really supportive and loving. I looked and treated people differently, less with expectations, more with just what the universe was handing me.
In the course of that I met some cool people and hopefully set foundations for more cool stuff in the future.
I also had a meeting with some Burning Man brass on Friday and got some critical feedback from some things and I think I have already taken it to heart. Time for new pathways. The journey has been good, but it is time to make new paths.
Sunday Sunday
Today was entirely a waste of a day. What do you do when you don;t get out of bed until 2 hours later than normal? What do you do when either allergy pills may have crossed with other medication leaving me a mindless zombie for a good part of the day. I could get nuuuuuuuuuuthing done today. Not even one creative pimple of juice in me to give.
I’ll say this… I had a good weekend. Considering how crappy my year started, there was a lot of reason to be worried for the rest of the year.
I had a first date with this guy on Friday night and he was really cool. He is only a year younger than me, which is a big bonus, but I am worried that we still have a lot to learn about each other, but hell! We had one date for 3 hours Friday, but we went to dinner last night and curled up on my couch for a movie last night. So nice.
So, time will tell.
As for today… I gave up. There is/was nothing left for me to give today readying myself for bed as I type this. I sincerely hope this year goes somewhere awesome… thanks mom for the support yesterday… it was the best.
Love and Light all
Zzzzt!
Trepidations on moving forward and advancing for life right now. I have a lot of hope on the future and somehow the enablers of the world have me feeling good about believing in myself and thing I can make this art thing work. I really believe in this project and am tweaking it a lot in my head.
Even as I sit here I am looking at how to make this but it’s evolving beyond the original concept. OMG, I just JUST had an epiphany.
Okay, too much to explain right now… got to go.
Reflections
Well, the day is winding down and I feel lik the face life of UrielsJournal is basically done. I am sure I will add more over time. I am also very interested in hearing what people think.
Odly, I know people are visiting and reading through these pages and I do not get a lot of comments. I know I used to get a lot more back in time, like through the period when I lived in Boston to shortly after moving to Las Vegas. Maybe I will hear more in the future?
My mom reads these things… unless she gave up on it and ran away because there was too much depressing shit on here. Lord knows I have enough blog sites out there. No… I cannot tell you off handed how many there are. REDCarte.Com, Art23Design.Com, GotNurv.Com and this one are probably the most active of them.
Anyway, I took my sleeping pill a few minutes ago and am waiting for all the wheels in the head to get a guncked up and pass out. You might have noticed my tweet yesterday how FUCKED UP this year has started off with… but it is so wierd that as fucked up as it was that I am still okay.
My mom worries too much about me and I am sure at this point she thinks I am completely off my nut. I am in a good way. I am wanting to be happy in life doing something that makes it worth getting up for everyday… but it’s not been available to me.
My father always told me to keep my head down and nose to the grindston and blah blah blah. He spent his career in a job he hated, because it served a couple purposes. 1. He never had to care about what anyone else thought. 2. He was probably fucking everything he could find while driving his truck. 3. It put food on the table and let him save enough money to retire at 55. So, there is a wisdom in that (point 3 specifically) but he is a miserable, selfish man who … well, let’s just close that baggage before we go any further.
The point is I get his point on that point. Following that? Is it selling my soul to get a job I hate to get through the next day? Is it wrong of me to want to do amazing things with art and such? Food! Yes, making food! If I could I would have a restaurant!
This chick who own Forte Tapas here in Vegas loves art and food and she has her place, but she has to be a lot smarter than me. She has it.
Okay, don rambling tonight. I put the facelife on UrielsJournal and am putting a facelife on GayBurners.Com hopefully finishing tomorrow.
xo
The Universe
STOP SCREAMING AT ME!!!!!!!!
Okay, now to something a little less schizophrenic. To start off with, a little background, I am a believer in Augurism (spell check tells me this is not a word). It is something they last used (to my knowledge with the exception of current Wicca) in ancient Rome to tell the future, present past blah blah blah. Like if an eagle appeared in the sky the battle would be victorious; end of long explanation.
Been seeing a lot of signs, but because of the DISASTER that was my move to Portland, I have been ignoring things and letting other things stand in my way. Today, no less than half a dozen sign and one actually spoken to my FACE by someone completely out of character like she was possessed…. yeh.
I think God or the Universe or whatever… has been kicking me in the balls over and over and over and I am too engrossed in NOTHING to listen.
Hm… when I am sober tomorrow I’ll revisit these thoughts.
Little Victories
Since coming home from Burning Man this year I have made some promises to myself as previously noted. Chiefly, in my diet and my activity. I have been carrying about 50 pounds I want to get rid off.
Yesterday my friend Deb told me she lost 50 pounds herself and I was so impressed.
Mornings:
Get up eat something lite like a yogurt, fruit or whatever is light and metabolic.
Then take Tom for a long walk (high paced) going more than 30 minutes
Eat something for breakfast later, small and balanced with some coffee
Middle Day:
Small lunch usually a salad or wrap with healthy ingredients, non-fat bits for flavor like fat-free cheese or dressing
Gym time: Yoga or Cardio
Late Day:
Dinner around six and much like Lunch. Turkey patty or veggie patty
Often end up snacking on a little something in the evening… probably the worst part regards to my diet
Basically I removed milk and bread from my diet right now, not eating mets with a high fat content. I made beans, chick peas, and have these elements incorporated in my diet. I tried making a little hummus and there was so much fat incorporated into it it turned me off a little.
Funny, when you make the food and know exactly what is in it .. you might think differently how and when to eat it.
Still marching forward… good eats!
Back from Burning Man
The trip to Burning Man is already detailed in the Burning Man section of my personal site.
In the final days of the trip I had time to do a lot of contemplating and deciding where to start moving in my life. I have been in a place of fantasy and delusion for a while and I am finding it is really time for action.
Sunday, I could not stop crying. I was a little sad bitch that got chocked up over the finality of it all … so I went away from camp to be on my own for a couple hours.
I can recommend to anyone that being completely broken away from society/comforts for a while is a good way to push that reset button.
There are some things I already decided on before going to BM that would be in place when I left; those are still active goals.
I was looking for some artistic inspiration that was missing and I found it.
A reaction to the situation previous was to move away from Vegas before October, but running away is not so prudent.
These are the different things I was thinking about while off planet.
Something nice
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