Life is getting so busy. As insane as it is, I am troubled that I will lose myself and lose track of things I valued in the past. I worry about Tom getting neglected and I worry that Adolfo will feel the same too. We talked about our commitments tonight. I will be working full time plus… I think. Plus going to school full time. Man this is going to be tough.

Our argument was finally finished on Sunday. Last night we had the most remarkable sex! The love and the passion was so damn hot I nearly collapsed afterward. I was el;aving the gym and he told me he was taking a bath.. so I rushed home. OH MY HELL as Ed would say.

I am going to busy for the next week, big time. Talk soon… xo Scott

Fucking March is here already. I swear February went by way too fast! I feel a little dizzy from it all going by so fast, ya know. I haope everyone saw the birthday pics from Adolfo’s birthday as well as the old Christmas pics I posted. I am sutre mom is less than thrilled with me over it. Considering she was dead tired when she was when they were taklen, but wasn’t Tom cute????

School has been good as well. I got most of my grades from mid terms and have B’s and A’s. This is a good sign, but things are changing and I still need money to get through it all. This quarter will be over in less than a month and we have only a 1 week break in the meantime. Usually there is 2 or 3 weeks off, but not this time.

Good news is that I have been hired into a new job. I got the news 2 days ago when I went to interview. I have once again found the ideal job! I have been hired as a line cook at the Grand Lux Cafe which is one of the biggest restarant in Las Vegas. I am in a distinguished position and will probably bve starting at the grill. Grand Lux is a higher end Cheesecake factory. The company is owned by them, but their menu and entre are distinctly different. So, yippeee for me!

As for Adolfo and I… I have been thinking too much and do not how or if I shold be tunring it off. There are times when we are so warm and loving toeach other, but there is an equal amount of time where we are in different worlds and space. I donot know if that is normal. I ask myself and you if I am deluded? I see couples that seem okay whenever I see them together. I know there is always more going on behind the scenes than what is visible on the surface! I am sure of that.

When I look into the future I do not see Adolfo with me. I see myself leaving him eventually and the demands of my life these days will probably be the linching pin that will divide us further. I fear that Adolfo and I will drift further apart. Him, because of his independance and willfulness. Me, because of my independance and focus on perosnal success.

Both of us have serious financial issues and neither are getting the attention we promised each other. I told myself that I would focus on getting all of my act together … in the area of personal finance and business while we were together. Instead, I feel like I am putting so much on the back burner and am not doing things in my life I consider important in order to keep this relationship alive.

I also feel like a sloth. I am not working out. I am not in shape. My weight is the highest it has ever been in my life. I need to get back on a track of self care, but I am not doing that. When I try and be a little more selfish and work on myself… I feel like I am ignoring Adolfo.

This is a paradox, huh????

Been really businy as usual. School is going well. Dad helped me get a loan to get me through most of school and I am thrilled. He called me tonight to check in on some of the paperwork. I am thrilled.

Adolfo and I have been really busy doing whatever. all is good. We had a fight that lasted through Saturday, but as usual we survived it. I am wondering about what we will do and when / if / where I will find work I can enjoy. The business is in a wholenew status… ie dying.

Scott

Happy Monday! I imagine that most people are home today… that I know anyway. With the holiday today many did not go to work and that snow storm on the east coast has also got a lot of my regulars bundled up. Hey Chippie, no way you’re gunna be running around Central Park today, huh? And what about you Ian, freezing your juevos off yet, stud-boy????

Well, Gary, my Valentines went off quite well. The day started off really rough, though. Friday morning I had a mid-term exam with my purchasing class and the truth is I barely read a thing in the damn book. Thank goodness the teacher is realtively leanient when it comes to grading. Well, we went over the szuubject twice before the test so I had a chance to memorize a lot. He called me later int he evening and told me I got an A…. yipeeeeeeeeeee…

The day itself was rough and for the life of me I cannot recall why???? I furget! I know I was looking around like crazy for a gift I wanted to get Adolfo which is the Moodolph Cow and it can be seen on www.cowparade.com … I went to three malls and more stores trying to find it. Argh! I bought him a dozen roses, a Guess Bracelett (that was too big for him), and a nice dinner. I planned on making a big dinner, but that went to hell …. because I was NOT going to stress mass out in the kitchen for the evening. We went to Outback (www.outback.com) and asked to be seated… they said it would be 2 hours. WELL… I already had in mind that we should take food out and eat at home. We had dinner in 15 minutes and were gone! I had a lovely filet mignon, he had prime rib. We had a double order of coconut shrimp… YUM!!!!! Later I made a banana-caramel sauce and a chocolate cake… we had this with a nice bottle of champagne I have been saving!

Be jelous!

Sunday was also Adolfo’s birthday. I managed to get his sister to get him out of the partment by 11 and the surprise was scheduled to launch about 2… soI had three hours to decorate the cake, set up a buffett, decorate, go to the store (Micheals’s and VONS). Basically, this weekend I spent more than 500.00 of money that should be going to bills. I am now distressed over the whole money thing AGAIN though I made some nice cash this month… important events swolled that up. OH! Less than 10% of the people I invited showed up to the party… I was disapointed. Adolfo was thrilled. His buddies David and Scott were here and were very very very sweet. A couple guys I know who really like US came, his sister and her family, and a long time freind of his came solo… it was intimate and nice.

I got Adolf a t-shirt from FCUK for his birthday with a chick on it and next to it says “Magnificent Cock” … it got quite a laugh! You have to get one of those!

Valentines Day is tomorrow and I am waiting til the last minute as ussual to get something planned. And… as usual I am stressing a bit over it. You see, I have a huge salmon filet in the freezer and I have been mulling over my recipe books looking for something special to make. I thought about a seafood terrine with a spinach mouse. Sounds good to me, but will it translate well? If I make these items and put them in a crust, I should make a sauce to compliment it. How is that for a V-Day Dinner?!?!?!?!

Then there is the whole birthday thing this weekend. I wanted to make a pate along with his birthday cake. I expect to put a picture of the cake in the site after it is all done. Hell I still have not finished updating the Recipe section of the site! Well, I expect things this weekend will go well. At least I am hopeful of it.

I will have the standard party foods there for a birthday including chips, dips, nipplies, my secret deviled eggs, pate, maybe some caviar (I love caviar), and cocktails galore. I invited everyone I could think of from Adolfo’s life including his family and my family. I hope I get an army of people to show up… I also hope this goes off well! An added surprise is that we are going to see Chippendales after the party which is a gift from his co-workers! This should be a fun night… thank goodness Monday is a holiday.

Wish me luck….

Someone wrote me and said that it looked like Adolfo and I have a LOT OF problems. So much so that (based on this diary) that we would probably break up soon? Ironically, this last weekend we had the best weekend of just relaxing and having fun. Ya know… I write in my diary when I have something I need to relieve myself of. I let my brain piss all over the computer in a golden shower of thoughts… often if something is troubling my brain this is where it goes.

Adolfo and I have many many good times. Although, I admit that I am surprised this last weekend went as well as it did. We are going through a huge period of learning from from/about each other. We are essentially married and have a home together here. He takes care of me in many ways I like to think I take care of him as well.

Not that I am defending myself to some people, but the truth is we do pretty well with each other. Our home is a loving and welcoming place.

Adolfo and I have been fighting again. This started on Tuesday night which grew from a misunderstanding and exploded all over the wall last night when he ended up sleeping in the spare bedroom. I was so pissed off I did not mind him being gone at all. The question in the end was… did I have the right to be pissed off at him? I asked myself that and have been doing a lot of thinking about it today. I even drove around the city just to assemble my thoughts.

Another issue burning inside has been me has been Allan. He has not talked to me since almost a week now. I had some words with him last Friday about company finances and I ended up hanging up on him. Ergh… it makes me rethink the whole business thing with him. The thing is he and I have developed this freindship which has a layer at business over it and it would seem the two need to be separated. How do you devide the last 1.5 years of building a business versus 3 years of a freindship?

Well… Allan need to do something. I wonder if he is still reading this? He has managed to alienate me and he is working on alienating other people in his life. Not to be judgemental or to turn into a Jewish Mother or anything, but this is a man who needs a good smack. I care about him a lot as he has managed to crawl into my life and take root! I think the trip to NYC in June 2001 was the time we traveled together and made the freindship.

Anyway… I find myself rethinking Las Vegas a lot. I am also thinking a lot about where I would go given the chance. I think about Boston and I think about Seattle. Did Boston and Boston has a lot of ghosts I may not want to run into again. Jinkies! The pacific northwest seems to hold a lot more interesting possibilities. Hmmm…

February has been okay. I am a little stressed as we are a little short on the rent this month, but both get paid this week… so hopefull the check I gave them today will not clear until Thursday at the earliest. Argh! Besides that, I am worried about my school payment, Valentines Day, Adolfo’s birthday… not to mention our 1 year anniversary coming up soon.

So, I am planning something relatively simple for V-Day and a special party for him on his birthday. It should be cool! I plan on cooking everything, now it’s also a matter of getting HIM away for the day.

Anyway…. this month will be financially better than last month, but the school payment is going to be a real bitch. It’s 600$ … Cheers

Adolfo was supposed to be leaving early this morning … even before I woke up … but he stayed here and made breakfast this morning. It was terrible, but edible. He di dnot make his special egg dish that I like, but whatever… ya know. Tonight, the new web pages should be uploaded and I will send out an e-mail to freinds and family letting them know what I done did…

I am distressed over $ again. There always seems to be a shortage lately and that sucks. We pay rent today and I have to wonder if there is enough cash for that to happen???? Not to mention all the other bills demanding some cash! Argh! School! Argh!

Working on the web site has allowed meto reflect a little. I had a page for my ex-Brian in Boston because we spent much of a year in a loving, passionate relationship. It is unfortunate he and I never were able to take it to the next level. He had a freind named Victor that was constantly undermining the relationship… but Brian could never see that. Yes, I reflected on him quite a bit, too. I was obsessed with him for more than 2 years after our break up because I was sure we would end up together again.

Which brings up another very important subject. Adolfo and I have been doing well. We have not had the problems as we have in the past. I think we are maturing together here. Well, we have been watching this Gay Marrige marathon on Bravo and then we saw Bridezilla’s which got us thinking about OUR future together. When I see this, I got upset because I cannot imagine being able to pay to have a proper ceramony.

It goes back to money. I got him a diamond ring through some major finangling and a little “slight of hand”. Long story… but thank to help from a friend I was able to get him a ring which bound us together more strongly and through we may take the next leap… when, how, oi vay.

I still dream of owning my own home. But where? Here in Las Vegas? How? My credit sucks… Adolfo’s is not sterling either. Will I ever hit the success point I have expected to? Have I made a mistake by going to school right now? Ergh!

On Thursdays I get to sleep in late and catch up from Monday thru Wednesday. I am glad I have this day to do that, ya know. I got home late last night and Adolfo as already in bed. So, I was unable to pick him up from work (his 2nd job) at the Venetian. I felt bad, but he was cool and sweet and undersood.

I also went out for a run last night in a new direction. I have been running (in the past) up Hacienda in the western direction and I hated it because the roads are dark and desolate. Using that direction, I would loop it out to Tropicana and come back home that way. Well… I ran east on Hacienda into a whole other residential area and there are some nice homes out there. I was like… “wow”.

Furthermore, I spent too much time working on the new website design last night and getting the new pages up and running. I have to learn to be patient, because it is not often I get a design that I enjoy and want to keep. The last one (if you’re looking at it today this is the one I am referring to) was really nice but was missing that- someting.

I will work on it a little while more today before I head off to Sur La Table. I have Regis&Kelly playing in the background, The View will be on soon, and then it’s a crap shoot. This is my morning home.

I do not have any other angsts to project through this site. Enjoy and the new pages are cuming soon!