I had this dream this morning and it bothered me… this is for real.

I was in France and I was sitting in the back seat of a small car with another guy (I believe it was Ashton Kutcher) and we were waiting for a third man (call him Kieth for now). Anyway, we were parked at the front driveway to a gas station and while there we were there to see someone. This was someone we were getting something from (like drugs or secret information or somethng like that)

I saw two guys in a small car drive through the close by intersection and get stuck in the mud. Ashton and I got out to help, but they pushed their own way out before we could help… so Ashton and I got back into the car.

The third guy (Kieth) came back to the car and drove off aparently aggitated. He decided to drive through the gas station where there was a uniformed attendant trying to prevent us from driving through. Kieth continued through. Keep in mind that everything was consistent… because it was still a French gas station.

The next thing I knew we were being taken into custody and being questioned by Bernie Mac in a black suit. Bernie was suggesting we did something wrong, but one of us was going to have to ‘give up our ass’ before we would be released. ((Funny how I remember that line specifically from what he said)). Kieth was escorted out and Ashton was sitting in a chair in the back of the room like an automiton as I was talking to Berni Mac.

During my talk with Bernie Mac I discovered there was something stuck to the bottom of my shoe that I had tracked into the room. I thought it was dog shit with leaves stuck through it. Bernie went to get something for me to clean up with when I took off my shoes and pants to clean it. I discovered that it was actually melted sugar with leaves in it that I peeled right off and picked up all in one sheet.

Having discovered that it was not a real mess I dressed again and could see Bernie Mac returning up the hall moving toward me in slow motion. Ashton was mindless in a chair in the back of the room. I walked to the next room where I found Kieth asleep in a t-shirt.

This is where I first realize WHO Kieth is having not seen his face anywhere previously. (Kieth is a guy I knew and had a crush on when I was 17 years old*). He was in bed and was acting strange as if he was traumatized. There was an implication, without saying it, that he was sexually assaulted by Bernie Mac???

I was strongly suspicious about the assault and the arrest. It looked like Kieth had just woke up but he would not deny or admit to the sexual encounter, but seemed to want the suspicion to exist. I tried talking to Kieth in order to be supportive, but soon I was down the hall and realized the interrogation was taking pace in a hotel. Down the hall I was in the hotel Kitchen and Bernie Mac was in a hurry to leave.

Bernie told us we could leave as he was dressing… at this point he was just putting on his jacket. I was asked about something excahnged at the gas station and I was puzzled. I was questionaing about why we were in a hotel? I was wondering about the sexual situation with Kieth? I was puzzled.

At this point I woke up and was fixated on this dream. I get these add dreams once in a while and I am mistified. It is as if I am supposed to get some kind of message fom them? Curious, huh?

As I checked back on this entry I realized there is a chance that “Kieth” may be also be Barbara Eden’s (I Dream of Jeannie fame) from a picture I saw of him this weekend. He looked like Kieth when he was younger.

Wierd, huh?

Ergh… we made up last night. But something I realized… that when I am mad at him I tend to voice it a lot here on this diary. I do not talk so much about the good things. I would say about 75% of the time he and I are really good with each other. Not long ago I might have said it was 50/50. I also consider that the last fight we had was probably really my fault it got to the level it did… no it was his fault.

I remembered an e-Mail that Kathy (Terry’s Hot Mama) sent me about relationships. I even brought it up in our first conversation last night in 3 days. I got to tell you all though, this was the closest I was to breaking up with him. Ergh!

He is at the pool right now chilling out and I have to be at work by 1… this month is looking painfully tight again. DAMN I am frustrated with our financial situation. We should both be doing better! Who says??? By what standard am I measuring it? MINE!

Friend Kieth has a date tonight with a woman. We were all thinking he was gay gay gay gay gay… but he is out to prove us wrong. He met a real live woman and we are going on a double date to all-you-can-eat-sushi… yummers. So I will produce a report as soon as I can.

Stil updatng sites of mine. Yo can see http://www.urielslantern.com, http://www.halonet.com, and http://www.ahn2x.net if you like….?

Sybil is back… she landed after worklast night and the many faced of eve changed about 6 times in 5 minutes. She was in a mood, then I got into a mood, then she went up my nose like a jet plane!

I admit that I have made some culinary mistakes in the past. Afterall… I am learning a lot and feel that I have finally decended and landed in my cooking skills. Anyway, I made a nice dinner last night and Sybil turned up her nose at it saying “I do not like it”. Bitch bitch bitch bitch……… dman she has bitched about my cooking a lot lately. I pointed that fact out and Sybils says: “Well, then don’t cook for me anymore.”

FINE!!!!!

Anyway… I am contemplating divorce! Ooops we were never married! Separate bedrooms? A sharp kick in the ass? Ergh, she is pissing me off! We ahve been doing so well and this is a setback big time. Anywa, talk soon.

Is anybody reading this? Is anybody send me e-Mail? Someone let me know the love is still out there for me, please. Send me e-mail! I barely get anything from anybody anymore. Andres? Rodrigo? Gary? Chip? Terry or Kathy? Cuz’n Raechel? Ian? Pumpkin Man? Where or where are my sympathetic ears? Where or where can they be?

I feel like there is something missing on my entries. Blogger.Com has migrated to another server and and I feel like something is missing. Maybe this will fix my archive problem????

This last weekend was yet another product of my lazy lazy ass. Well, Adolfo has been sick since Thursday and I told him to call in sick on Friday, but he insisted on going in. I called him in the early afternoon to tell him I was going to pick him up after work and he says… I’m at the mall. His boss sent him home sick BUT he is shopping. So, almost all Saturday we were in bed or lounging around. Although I had to work.

He started feeling better and I took his temperature often… he he he. Nevermind… anyway so Sunday we went hunting for a picnic place. I wanted to go to the “nude beach” on Lake Meade and we could not find it. This was a hastily assembled picnic so we found a place at a public picnic area… ergh. One really cute little kid was totally fascinated by Tom and that was cute. We did eat and then take off after a short stay. Overall.. it was good.

Yesterday I finally spent just about an hour in the sun and started to add some color to my pasty skin.

What a boring update in my diary. I wanted to know if you’re reading my fiction from my www.halonet.net site?

Test… working on a new look and getting my archives back… ergh.. and Test #2

Well… I was a little rough in my last entry. I guess I am lucky Adolfo does not really read my diary unless he is bored out of his mind. Chippy in NY read my diary and told me I was pretty rough… well… I was honest.

One of these days I will have this history/archive thing on this fixed so you can see all the crap from the last year plus.

I do not have a lot to say so far today. We got up late, I made a coffee cake, and we are watching “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” on AMC… blah, blah, blah… I want to go out to Lake Mead and hang with the homo’s. We’ll see… Later………

Boy was I wrong… my BF is Sybil. I am living with, fucking, and cooking food for Sybil. The Big Chair is missing… yet… Sybil lives in Las Vegas. A few nights ago (Wednesday) I took Adolfo to a party at Jillians for restaurant people that was being offered by Food Service Magazine. In front of all these people I knew Sybil was a moody, unfreindly, distant bitch. Sybil would not stay with us and would hover in different corners of the room pouting, grimacing, or whatever.

I was sooooooooooo annoyed…

I was understanding… he explained that he was completely uncomfortable and that he was not prepared for the environment that we were in. Yes it was Breeder City there as we were in Neonopilis off Freemont Street… but I was myself. The party was hosted by a couple Dykes… get over it.

A day or two before that Sybil was mad at me because I did something I am still unclear on. I did know, in advance, that Sybil would be mad at me because I was having a great day! (Tuesday) I was hanging out with gal-pal Denicha and we were running through the city like a couple of idiots. That was a great day… somehow I became the bad guy. It was as predicatble as rain in Seattle that if I was having a good time Sybil would piss all over it. ERGH!

Sybil? If I laugh to myself when I am standing next to him inexplicably it is because I am wondering which personality is going to emerge from inside the Beast. i.e. Adolfo… as I write this it is clear as air that Sybil is ideal nickname.

Sybil is pissing me off on a regular basis lately and it must be like a sewage backup because for a long time we were at peace with each other. He blames our odd relationship for the stress he feels in it. He blames me for his mood swings. He also blames other people (can’t say who) for his screwed up outlook and disposition.

When I made yesterday’s entry I was deluded that everything was going to be fine. In my own benevolence I brushed off most of our issues. Yesterday evening we were sitting at the dining table and he was ignoring me (more like passively, stoically, demonstratively distant). He had been like this all friggin’ day long. Then he was like that in front of my parents and even as I introduced him to my step-aunt and uncle. He seems to feel okay that he can be rude in front of other people. Rude, unfreindly, cold.

Oh, can I imagine how it would be if I acted like that with any of his family or freinds… NEVER!

Do I sound angry? Do I sound dismayed? Sybil is over babysitting some kids and will be gone half that day! ADIOS BI-OTCH.

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ergh… I read back to catch up on the previous entry. My demon-BF is back to normal now. He metamophed back into human form the next night… BUT he never came home that night and he tells me he stayed the night at his job in the Employee Dining Facility. Oh, that pissed me off. Since then everythng has been cool and I did not stress over it. We laid down in bed and talked the next day and I told him I was “over it” though the whole situation, as most situations with an argument, is 150% his fault.

NOT that I would want to assign blame (HIM) or anything like that. When a couple argues no one is the good guy alone (me). We both have to shuolder the burden of a misunderstanding (me) and make the best of it (me). Oh, the struggle…

Anyway, mom came to visit as of last night and she left today to stay at Sam’s Town. She started a Slot Poker Tournament tonight and will go through the weekend with it. Cool for her. Me, on the other hand, nothing special happening. Will update as things happen… boy I sound boring.

June is still here… I just read the last entry opening line complaining how fast the month was going by… ergh! Well, the first week of finals is over and next week I have three exams I need to prepare for. I have very few hours schedules at my job at Sur La Table which is a plus because of a lot of issues. It’s a plus because I have time to focus on some things I need to do.

Sur La Table in Las Vegas is a little part time job I have and usually I really like it there. Some of the people I work with are great and good people, while a few bring in so much of their fucked up baggae to work and make it shitty for the rest of us. This is why some people are still in retail, because they do not have the skills or healthy outlook to work in truly professional circumstances. A few people working there are really underestimating their abilities in these limited life roles. BUT, then again, that is my perception.

You may have noticed there were very very few complaints about my relationship with Adolfo lately. In fact, generally, things have been quite good. My love for him was restored. Because frankly, he had pulled me back and forth over the fire for so long that my love for him was waining. I was losing him in my heart. Yesterday he came to my school for a freinds and family deal and got to meet a lot of my fellow students, it was amazing how many people wanted to meet him. Our table was surrounded by other students… out of curiousity or what??? He looked absolutely great and was wonderful!!!!!!

I cannot figure out a lot of things. I was a few minutes late picking up Adolfo from work yesterday and he seems to have turned into Lucifer in the hot sun. He acted like a complete asshole for the whole evening and goaded me at every turn. I got pissed and threw a plastic container full of chipotle sauce that exploded in the kitchen. I ended up cleaning the whole thing up and I went to the market after just to get away for a bit. When I came home Adolfo was gone and he did not come home at all.

I called him last night about 9:30 to get him to come home and he was nasty and agressive on the phone. I hung up and went to bed alone. He did not come home all night… which for me is worse of all. He’s managed to hurt me again. Again and again … when things get going well he always manages to do something to ruin it. It’s not enough we have both been stressed about making ends meet. I have not been bitching much, though I have more than enough right to.

Damn, I have been supporting this household mostly on what little I make every month. I do not make much, but I have been managing our bills and juggling the whole pot. He does a lot… a LOT around here to keep the household running and I tell him how much I appreciate it.

Anyway… I’ve vented enough. Let me know what you think…

Hmm… updated the template today…

It’s alrady so dmn far into June… where the hell is time going to? Can anyone explain this to me. I feel like I fell into a hole and the world is passing by outside. Ergh!!!

Anyhoo… the new truck is working fine, Adolfo and I have been good, the dog is spoiled as hell and pooped on the carpet I recently steam cleaned thus leaving a nasty spot I will eventually need to steam again…. (deep breath) and I still need a new computer. I have been working on taking care of a few of life’s loose ends this week. I have as word hanging over my head with the irs … Ergh again.

I have finished my business site hoping to drum up more clients. Want to see? www.ahn2x.net is the site… yes I know… it used to be my Action Hero Network Link, but I needed that for other things right now. AHN the site is a dead dog. What do you think of this?

Anyway, this was just a quick update.