Imagine standing in the eye of a hurricane. All around you is the storm and you can see things in that wind that is swirling around you:

• Adolfo and my commitment.
• My ability to love Adolfo.
• My weight and self-image issues.
• My future happiness
• My desire to fullfill something inside of me…. (I’ll explain more later)

Anyway, I have had time when I wanted to leave Adolfo. A major catalyst recently was our trip to Disney where he rabidly assaulted my feelings in the lobby of the Hotel as I was checking in. If there is one thing anyone who knows me should respect is that do not EVER EVER EVER call me out in public. That is your tombstone in my eyes….

On the other hand I cannot imagine being without him in my life. I go out daily and think about him. I love being next to him in bed. I love being next to him on the couch. I love being out in the world with him. His assets include an amazing ability to be charming when he is in the right mood. He is charming, sweet and humorous when he wants to be.

Adolfo has called me out and embarrased me so many times I cannot keep count. He did it at Disney, he did it at a networking and school event at Jillians last year, he did it at a couple parties.

But, that is what I have to live with huh?

As far as that something inside me is concerned… I want to travel. I want to embrace the world. God willing I would be a Anna Jolie if I could. I saw a picture of a Spanish coast line and I deperately want to go there. I dream about going to France with such a passion that you can only imagine. Amsterdam sparks a curiousity in me; before meeting Adolfo I planned on moving there and retiring one day. I love Italy and dream about returning there too.

These are the ties that bind…. so I am fulfilled by my own imagination and dreams.

No, Gary darling, this was not just to get your goat. I actually think and get stuck on these things! The fact I feel stuck right now is my own hubris.

Ever since we got back, for the most part, Adolfo has been very sweet. He has his moody moment, he will always be a negative bith, but he is learning to curb it all.

I have not finished reading my book yet… though it has changed pace to something quite exciting. Someone tried to kill Ceasar with poison and the suspect is Gordianus’ son Meto. Oh, it looks bad. Because the same wine would have killed Cleopatra. I am going to read it right now…

So goodnight all!

good crap… i ahve managed to make an entry every day for the last week. i must be bored, not have enough to do, or just need to get a lot of crap off my chest. i want to encourage my freinds to do this blog thing too so I can share soemthing with them. ian is the only friend doing it too… i think.

 

i have to say, ever since adolfo was a complete ASS at disney that ONE day, he has been exceptionally cute and sweet. i am picking him up tonight from work and we’re supposed to go out.

 

i also went over to kenny&brian’s tonight and hung out for a bit too. the bi-otches still have not read my website. they also are asking if i am cheating on adolfo. they heard me talking to someone on the phone and think i am doing something dirty… not. kisses all.

I bought this stuff called “Advil” last night and I have to tell you I am thrilled. I feel SOOOO good today. My back is not bothering me at all! Good news, eh?

 

Last night on a news show 48 Hours I saw a sotry on dieting and it has me thinking a lot. They showed this program for a 21 Day Detox that really struck a cord for me. It was struck again when I walked into the gym tonight and saw my own reflection… ugh. I am a cow.

 

I want to feel better about myself, so I am seriously considering it! The results for this one woman were pretty amazing… it might be a good step for a new change.

 

Ho-hum… don’t I sound boring.

 

No one e-mailed me today and no one was home when I called. boo-hoo…

In the last three days my back has been KILLING ME! I either pulled a muscle in the center of my back or have an ice-pick back there that is invisible to the eye. Wednesday I took a lot of aspirin and thought it was going away. I dealt with it yesterday and aspirin’d it down again. But today, nothing seems to be happening to put the pain down.

 

I took aspirin with coke to make it act faster (coca-cola not cocaine!). My left side is a lot weaker than my right now. I went to the store tonight to get some Advil as a new alternative. I took two of those before heading to bed… which I will do in a few minutes.

 

My thoughts tonight:

I think they were awful to Martha Stewart!

 

I met two guys here in Las Vegas whom I like a lot. They meay read this? They may read this tonight. My diary is a snapshot of my thoughts and my anxieties and more… nothing should be taken too seriously.

 

Gary: I loved your e-mail. You wrote some wonderful things that made me stop and think… which is what I count on with you. I wish you were around me, man. I need someone like you to kick me in the ass. Too many people placate to my anxietites and enable my weaker atributes…

 

Brian and Kenny: I adore these guys who recently connected to Adolfo and I. Kenny gives this impression of being strong willed, domonant and sorta pure of heart . Brian seems a little more wicked and aloof, but his Libra heart leaves him balanced. This is definitely the reader’s digest version of the guys, but I hope to be writing and depicting more of them on my site in the future. 

Dieting: Ugh, I have been wanting to slim down for two years. I gained 30+ pounds after leaving Boston. As mentioned previously in another entry, I am very unhappy with life right now and need to do better! Gary, I am working on something.

 

I updated my “about” section and will add one more piece to that… goals. Long term, short term, and more. See halonet.net for other things I am doing.

 

My first day back to work was… just another day. It was somewhat uneventful and boring as usual. I am starting to see that I will not achieve anything as long as I stay where I am… I suppose I knew that coming in. But, where do I go next?

 

I talked to Jean today (Kieth’s mom) and she asked me the very question. Her son Keith is finding some success and her daughter (Karen) is also making achievements. These are great things. I am … well, collecting a check.

 

ARGH!!! I know there are so many things I should/need to be doing to better myseflf but I am stuck in some box. I feel like I am caught in a hole and just can’t reach the top or pull myself out. I can JUST see sunlight and nothing else. This sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are now home from vacation and the pictures are posted in the gallery. It was a good time away… it was good being together. It was not without it’s moments.

We left on the 7th for San Diego and arrived 6 hours later. The drive was long and tedious. The hotel was nice enough, but I must think hotels should be something different. Room service was good … we ordered late night snacks … lots of breeders around.

The 8th we went to Sea World and got a good deal. For 57$ we got two days in the park and a tour for the behind the scenes junk. The tour was lame and we did not go back a second day… BUT we had a lot of fun and posted a lot of pictures testifying to that.

Day 3 (9th) we took a trolley tour and basically shopped our heads off. We bought so much junk… oh my god. But cool junk.

Day 4 was the transisiton to Disney from San Diego. I wanted to go to Mexico, but it just did not fit in to the equasion.

Disney was a whole universe for me, but as we were checking in Adolfo tells me how much he hates Disney… how he despises Disney… oh my god I got pissed. I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO mad at him pissing all over me right in the middle of the lobby! I would have got in the truck right then if it were not 600 that I already spent on the room. Needless to say the rest of the evening was mostly shit. We were not communicating for the most part. It was hell.

You can see on the day4 pics from the gallery that I was not happy. The Autopia shot was the best sign of that. Funny enough, we did a lot of stuff and had fun… but it was a strained night.

The next day went do well! Our second night at Dusney allowed us to do a lot. we closed the park both nights exhausted and realizing we had a lot of fun!

Alas we had to come home… (frown)… and we did. BUT, I saw an IKEA along the side of the road and did an Asian-Lane-Change to get off the freeway and we shopped some more. You should have been there.

I just molested Adolfo in the shower. He was being a bitch for a while because he was mad at me for something stupid… then while he was showering, I climbed in nek-ed and we talked… then I attacked. ha ha ha!

Monday, this observed holiday, we cleaned up the apartment a little and got it into shape. I worked here in the office mostly while Adolfo took the bedroom and master closet.

Anyway, I just got e-mail from Ian about logging in for the comments. You have to login requires an e-mail address… I believe how it works. I have to set people up to comment using a permissions screen on Blogger.Com

UPDATE: I just went to see about the login and you need to register. IF you decide to setup a Blog of your own send me the link!!!!!

We are picking up some freinds from the airport in an hour…

Adolfo and I have a house guest for a few days. She will be staying hewre with her dog while we are on vacation. She has a messed up drunken cow for a roommate whe is getting ready to expel.

It is also my sister’s birthday today. We have not really spoken in about 15 to 20 years of or so… Happy Birthday Lynn… whatever.

Kisses

They’re falling like flies. Tony Randall, Ron Reagan, Ray Charles…. now Marlon Brando???? Who is next? If it always happens in 3’s then there is one left.

Let’s make some bets? I live in friggin Las Vegas so let’s make some guesses:

(Now, the people that have dropped dead have generally been beloved characters? Is this a theme?)

SHIT! I can’t thnk of anyone. Any ideas? I’ll take suggestions.

Monday is the one day off I get with Adolfo. We often spend at least half of the day running errands, shopping or whatever else needs to be done. This also includes going to the movies. Today was errands!

When we woke up this morning and Tom was shaking his head as if he had something stuck in his ear. So, we took him to the doctor to be checked. As soon as we got in the car he stopped shaking his head, but the dinga-ling needed his shots so we stayed there 2 hours until he could be seen and juiced up for his immunizations.

We ran all over kingdom-come and now I am looking at the end of the day already so early. We took a nap (like a couple of old women) and I am waiting for him to wake his sorry ass up.

I have not heard from anyone on the comments thing I set up???? Wondered if it worked. Scott