I have been keeping very busy. School working, some assemplabce of a social life. Last night I want to a GodSmack concert at the House of Blues! Oh, I was pure bliss!

I was in the middle of all these skank breeders and saw a lot a skank women. One bitch almost got her achilles tendon cut when the tall cunt stood in front of me and kept flipping her skank Farrah hair all over the place.

Ugh… but I think thoughts like that gave me some bad Karma… because I got the shit beat out of me at work today. Ugh… I hate the fat bitch supervisor that was there. I want her road kill. BUT, she is too fat to get run-over or anything like that. Fat bitch, cunt, dyke from hell, cow.

How do I really feel?????

Anyway, I had a lot of fun there with Keith. The loser brought NO MONEY so he could do nothing after the show. I wanted to gamble, but I got the feeling quickly that luck was against me. ugh…

Anyway, I am heading to bed soon. Got work and school in the morning! Ciao babes!

Some nasty queen wrote a comment from the last entry… alas HE only gave me gas. Anyway, my buddy Keith had come over that night and we had dinner together. He brought a fantastic Pinot Noir and with it we had some pan seared scallops, tomatoe and lentil cous cous, and a spinach salad. It was yummy.

Since then, all I have been doing is going to school and working. I got hired for the wedding I had been interested in doing. It is in the beginning of next month and I am starting to get rather busy on it. I spent hours on the contract today and am waiting for their sign-off. Cross your fingers, because it looks like I am going to make something rather nice.

When it happens I will post pics on my www.halonet.net website.

Otherwise, things have been good. I am still working on my diet, but not really dieting. I’m feeling very fat and wish I had more than 24 hours in a day to get sleep and do the things I need to do. Today was bizzy and tomorrow is HELL!

Right now I am in class getting ready for a mid term, but I was thinking about Gary and some other people whom I wanted to send a shout-out to through my diary. The handsome and sexy Anthony from Chicago dropped me a line today and I was very happy for that!!!!

Anyway, maybe this weekend I can put some of my other thoughts out to the universe. I miss you guys… 🙁

I had 1/2 a bottle of pinot noir an hour and a half ago and I feel … fickin buzzed

I am writing while at school right now. I am fighting to keep awake during a lecture I should be listening to. I am so sleepy and want to go to bed… but I will be reqarded soon I am sure.

No news.. except we met for dinner last Tuesday for Keith’s birthday. We went to FIREFLY; Spanish Tapas fare. I engorged myself on food that will make your head explode! It was soooo delicious. It was so deliscious and made the synapses in my brain fire incontrollably. Best choices were the dates stuffed with an almond, wrapped in bacon, and coated with a sauce. #2 was the duck egg rolls with hoison sauce! Oh, the ceviche was also amazing! And with all of it I had their white Sangria drink. YUM!

No word from Allan as of yet. He got pretty upset with me when we last talked, so I figure this might be as it was meant to be.

Anyway, mom is sick. Adolfo is sick… if I get sick I will go insane. I cannot afford to be ill at all.

I want to quit my job on some days and on others I want to do more in it. School is going to give me more options… I need to go. BI!

School has kept me a little on the busy side. On top of all that, I am trying to do a few things and then forget the other things I want to do. I keep studying with the television on and that is working against me. I have to behave.

I have been stressing a lot lately even over little things. Mostly stupid things. Peopl get on my nerves all the time. I have, in recent weeks, bitched out a few people around me including Keith, Allan, and a few people I know outside this site.

School is going well. I need to get my FAT ass to bed. Nighty!

Saturday night… I am such a dork. I had some plans, but they went up in smoke.

Plan A: go running, try to get to bed early (after Big Brother).

Plan B: Study, watch Big Brother…

Wow.. I am mister excitement.

Other: Have not heard from Allan. have not heard from Sam in a while either.

Sam sent me an e-mail with 2 people as emergency contacts in case he drops ff the earth. One was his dad and one was his ex or something like that. I called his dad today and there was no answer, not even a answering machine. ugh… I feel a little worried.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm….

Tom went back to the doctor today and is cming along very very very well. I am thrilled. His eyes look almost normal. We go back in a month for another e3xpensive follow up. Ugh!

Anyway, as some of you know I am back in school again. I started yesterday and I am back in the position where I do not have enough time to myself. Adolfo is already bothered by it, but understands, because this means I am not as available to him as I was. I go to school 4 days a week… two of the days we usually spend together.

It’s gunna be less than a year and the benefits will outweigh the costs; as it were.

I have to leave very soon for school tonight. I am trying to get some reading done, but I am feeling sleepy. I am getting distracted. Ugh, I gotta get back to it.

Other news: Allan is upset with me. I was talking to him last night and I wondered about something… which he took very personally. Maybe I was being too analytical? I asked him what was the beenfit of his freindship to me or him? I am thinking that I am helping this man live his life in a way that is very self-diestructive.

Now, no one KNOWS who Allan is or WHERE he is. He is a married man who works for a large, foriegn owned company. He has had very small affairs with guys, but loves his wife passionately. They are cute together.

The affair included HER nephew (an adult). It included a few other guys on his travels, but nothing really successful. He’s a dork when it comes to sexuality with men, by his admission (no personal knowledge here). Some of the stories he told me about are absurd, anyway.

He drives himself crazy because he wants to meet someone he can have casual, safe encounters with that strictly involve hand jobs and jerk-offs… whatever. I looked out there and found him a hunky escort to hire and he hired some loser from a local rag and then went to hell.

Allan gets off with his porn. There is so much more with this story that is can get very conveluted here. I asked him to make his own blog, because it would be VERY VERY VERY intersting.

BUT… I wondered what we were doing each other as freinds. He lies to the people in his life about his sexuality, his finances, his basic motives, takes his company resources, keeps these skanky people in his circle; all of whom he puts-on-airs over with to the extreme.

A couple of his “friends” keep asking him for money for this or that, co-sign a loan, bail them out of jail, fix their teeth, get them their STD prevention shots…. ugh. It’s all this mischief, this desception, this shadowy behavior that makes me sick. It’s toxic. It’s self destructive. I am more of a therapist for him than a freind.

So, I pulled back a bit. I told him I would, but Allan got very upset. I think I should pull back a while longer and see where he goes, if I ever know.

Allan: if you get this far reading this…. let’s take a break and maybe you will reconsider where and what you are doing in life. If you’re okay with it all and like the status-quo then we will evaluate that later on whether I can hang around or not. If you gorw, change, accept new ideas… then who knows.

It should be noted that Allan has lost 100 pounds of weight and is making some great changes in his life. He has less than 40 to go…. yeah!

nighty

Today I began examing my diet a little better. As some of you know I have been struggling a bit. I first really mentioned it during Terry’s birthday in May. Since August first, I tried taking this exercising thing more seriously. I thought I was before, but I may have been deluded.

Chck this out… this month I started to monitor a few things to see where I was going with dieting. My Chart is interesting. Today I wrote down most of what I consumed and added the calories and fat intake.

This is all part of my Goals clarification as well. I am working on what I need to accomplish as well. Those goals have been gaining structure as well. I made some important updates there and have already began making some accomplishments.

Thanks to Gary, thanks to Brian, I have renewed fire in my commitments. Adolfo has been limited help… infact he has been more of a barrier… but I love him anyway. I think he subconsciously wants me fat because it makes him more secure that I am not out looking for more ass; cock or what have you.

He needs to watch his own ass so he doesn’t balloon out. He is a petit 120#s and is heavier than we first started dating.

I still feel that we would be better off living somewhere healthier and happier. The weather is as harsh as the life here. I am so over Las Vegas.

My thoughts: As I was typing this Allan was talking to me through chat. He told me about something completely stupid he did! Then he praddled on and on over it… but I have no sympathy right now. He wants to fuck up his life I cannot stop him.

Sam and I talked on-line today, too. From my view, Sammy has been in a seriously bad relationship with someone who sounds more like a monster than a human being. Sam is no innocent flower himself. Still, it kills me inside to feel like he is being torchured; whether self initiated or by a nut-case boy freind. Still, I fear he is playing me… at the same time I want to be a freind. I really deeply cared about him once.

Sam is smart and crafty. Sam was self sustaining and spiritually driven; which I admired most about him. He was sexy and a tease. I liked that, too. However, as far as I know, Sam never accepted the normal responsibilities of life and never assumed a structure of evolving himself into a functional adult. He as aliented his family, but having met some of them I have a sense they are waiting for him to make the first move. People like them never completely give up on family.

So, I told Sam he could come to vegas and get his stuff together. I hope I do not live to regret that choice. I care about the man, but he has to care about himself first.

Good news from what I can see… Tom is doing better. His eyes seem almost unnaturally large all of a sudden, maybe because he was squinting so often for a week or more before. He takes his medicine well … this includes 4 to 6 drops of one medicine in each eye per day, AND 2 drops of another medicine in each eye. He’s such a good pumpkin!

School starts again next week for me. I have been struggling over the whole goals thing. I began registering with the University of Phoenix for my degree in IT, but got side-tracked when I checked out CEI and registered for a series of certificated programs with them in MicroSoft (the devil’s) software. Ugh… at least it could mean a better position for me someday.

The balances for the Culinary Career v. Information Technology is perilous because I am starting from the bottom in one and have an established hiostory in the other. There is some security in cooking, but it is not work for the cereberally inclined. I like to use my brain and I feel like I am in a mental vacuum.

Fact is… a lot of people in this industry are basically ignorant, self-indulgent, needy people with more mental scars than psychologiest or sociologists. The out of control Id in these poeple sucks. I got caught up in a lot of that in school… it clouded my goals and feeling toward some people. I also started looking to other people more for approval and was being extremely tough on myself. I guess I decided I did not need that.

There are some remarkable and fun things about cooking, but I think without that monkey on my back it frees me up. I do not need to shudder when a supervisor is ticked off over something or sink into the shadows when one more chef is having one more mood swing. I am over it as of now.

So, I already began looking for a new job. I would like to stay in the Venetian for a while? Maybe get into their IT department, but therein lies a new mystery. How? I have been paying attention to the people working there and spotting the IT poeple though we are far removed from them.

Anyway, I hope I am making the right turn. What about my goal to open my own restaurant? It’s still there, but it will come to life maybe a long way down the road?

This is me and Tom; my puppy. Over the past few days we have noticved Tom has been squinting a lot, rubbing his face on the carpet, and basically has been kinda struggling. His eyes have been really red and irritated.

I thought it was allergies. Unfortunately, nothing was letting up so I finally took him to our vet today. After blood tests and exams I was told that he might have Gloucoma. Holy Shit! They gave me a referral to a Animal Opthamologist.

So, I drove over there for another visit and he got poked, prodded, and squeezed. The docotr have him shots in each eyes. Oi Vay! They put these test strips in his eyes and stuff. Poked him in the eyes with some machine that measured pressure inside. Oi! Poor puppy was so cool through the whole thing.

Anyway, he is on medication 4x day and is at risk for losing his vision. He has about 30% loss of vision right now and is struggling a bit.

In the end, the bill for the day was 400+ with insurance to buffer the costs at 1 of the 2 doctors. Ugh… so at least he will be okay…

In other subjects today:

I signed up for school today on a program that I thought would last about 9 months. Looks like it will be a year. A year. A year. A… mother fucking damn year. It’s a prgram that stirs toward some of the goals that I discussing in previous rants… I mean diary entries.

These are microsoft certifications for applications and hardware for my resume. I want to get my bachelors, but I decided to hold off on that one for a while longer. I can get some serious work by going this route which means more serious $$$ for me. Me me mememememememe.

The University of Phoenix was a good avenue for me, but from what I saw they have a lot of problems. The infrastructure is questionable at best. I have to wonder where the validity is in the accredidation of the school is????

When I was on the campus they could not get their computers to print a simple Adobe file. We went through a couple machines and no luck. Thei IT guy was there who acted like it was no big deal and barely cared… so I asked “how is a school going to teach me about IT when they cannot get their own computers working?”

No one actually asnwered the question. i called and left a message on the Dean’s voice mail. God knows where in the world this dean is at? The woman working with me on my enrollment wrote me this morning a very professional reaply which makes me think she got reamed?

What else?

I got my electric bill today. It was 200 for one month?!?!?!?!?! ugh.. summer here sucks so bad!

I wanted to go to the Blue Moon resort and hang by their pool, but other important thingas came up… my Tom-Dawg!

nighty night… Big Brother is on so leave me alone!