I have to go back to work tomorrow after my weekend. Today is my Sunday, so it is the end of my weekend obviously. This was a tough one! It’s also a week from Christmas… if you can believe that one. I think Adolfo’s sister is due in in a couple days; which I am looking forward to BUT I do not think he will ahve time off???

I stressed out today and had a little meltdown. Oh, I had one yesterday too.

Yesterday I did well at the onset of the day. I paid bills and took care of errands; Tom to get cleaned, bank and then washed the car. THEN I set out of the gym and little things started going wrong and I was having some personal issues. My brain was overloaded and I was really stressed. I did nto eat properly and my blood pressure was high, blood sugar low… I lost if and flipped out.

Well, today I was worried about school and I was getting concerened about my Network + certification. I have been internalizing over the last few weeks because I was worried that this school was not the best decision for me. Well, I hashed it out and who knows how it will all be in the end????

Not too major, huh? It’s all the drama that goes on in my tiny brain. I have figured something out recently: I may have Adult ADD??? I wonder? I felt kinda weird thinking it might be true… but

Okay… I am just rambling once more.

Sam wrote me a couple times the last couple days. I am feeling happier that he is getting healthier and more centered for himself. He is strong. He is wise. He has a love of love in his soul. I always felt something for him because I related to him in ways I cannot find words to accurately describe. He touches me. He is blunt and antagonistic. He is profound and spiritual. But.. at the same time he is adrift and sorta caught in a whirlpool. I have this urge to wrap him up in my arms or snatch him away on a journey.

Funny, huh?

I updated my wish list …

I feel very fat today… My weight losing endeavers have fallen fairly flat. I am working out a lot, but I guess my consuming is overwhelming my abilty to burn calories! AGH!

The delay with the move has bummed me out a bit… but I am thinking it will turn out to be a good thing in the long run… I am trying to keep my energy positive and open to new roads. I heard about job openings in New York. ugh… I love NY but I think it might be too much for my little man!

My pal Sam seems to be pulling himself together. I have prayed a lot for him and others… Sam wrote me today and I enjoyed hearing the positive things in his note. I have not heard from Rosa in Boston in a while… been thinking about her and sending out my prayers to her and her family.

So you’re saying: Scott Prays????? What the hell? The pagan-like loud mouth who seems to hate everyone and is sometimes such a bitch to talk to???? That lunatic who calls other drivers idiots all over the road? He who get’s chills at Arizona liscence plates on cars, hayseeds from Utah, Asian drivers, chicks on cell-phones…. STOP! Am I losing my point???

Ha ha ha ha! Yes, I pray and I have been thinking about talking about it more. I pray to … (pause)… Sam says it is wrong to use the name of g*d when he writes and when we have talked on the phone. He’s my younger Jew buddy… since when can it be wrong to share something like this?

I pray to God, whom I refer to as Yahweh. I do not believe in anything like “someone” that resembled Zues or anyting like that. Nothing so base and archane. I suppose it goes without saying that the idea of a Jesus demi-god is, in my opinion, stupid beyond all belief. Well.. that’s alittle bit of it. It will all become clearer some day.

xo Scott

Fallah-lah-lah-lahhhhh

Humbug. Well, it is getting closer to Christmas. I am not sure when hannakah begins… but I am still uninspired. The house here looks really nice with the x-mas deco crap we have posted all over the place. It’s not over-done… it does look good.

As far as gift giving is concerned, we have most of it done. We are not buying a lot for a lot of people, just immediate friends and the like. As far as x-mas cards are concerend we are also getting those together right now… but I am having a creative issue with them which I am working to resolve. So, if you’re reading this… send me an e-mail with your address: you too Allan. Gary, Ian, Terry&Kathy… Chippy???

Our move to Seattle has been post-poned to April… well, maybe March. I was panicing too much with the idea of trying to find a job in January when people are being laid off… the weather if rough… too many of the conditions were frightful.

I want to move to Seattle because I perceive that we will have a better quality of life up there. I think we/I will meet better people and develop more steady friendships and more. Adolfo on the other hand may or may not be along for the ride… who knows?

I am unhappy with him right now and it tends to come out on this diary as if we are about to break up??? I tend to write here more when my feelings are conflicted with him. Some people think our relationship is very turse ebcause of all the bitching I do, but they are only 1/2 right… oi vay.

Oh, I am all drama, huh? I miss the people I had in Boston. Boston life was very good for me, but my love life was just as fucked up there. UGH!

xo…

Adolfo just told me he read my diary out of curiousity… he was actually looking for my holiday list on the OTHER link and whammo, bammo… read these pages and was agast. He said some things upset him and some things made him laugh. Overall… I think he as okay with it. He kept it all in perspective.

News? Well, it looks like we will be moving soon. I convinced Adolfo to pick it all up and move out of Las Vegas. It’s been in the machine for almost a year, but it’s ready to be born. I am thinking about all the people and things we are leaving behind. Adolfo’s dearest friend and his wonderful family will also be left behind. I will miss them very much.

More news soon. xoxoxoxo

Today was good.

I started making dinner last night while Adolfo was at work. This Thanksgiving was one of the better ones at that. In spite of the fact that nobody wanted to come here with us. We were invited to eat at 2 other places, but I declined for the most part out of s sense of my own commitment to the holiday and wanted to make dinner. This is the only holiday I look forward to each year and I get to cook the kinds of food I love. I made:

• Duck Galantine
• Whipped Yams with cinnamon and maple syrup
• Baked Potatos
• Marinated Squash in a Balsamic Vinegrette
• Homemade Cranberry Sauce
• Biscuits; Orange and Italian Herb
• Pumpkin Pie for Desert

I boned the duck last night and saved them for future use. I layed out the full breast with extra skin, having removed the thigh and leg and wings. Took the thigh meat and any other stray meat; the giblets cooked in avacado oil and put them through the meat grinder; mixed it with italian bread crumbs and chopped mushroom into a filling. I layed it on the breast and rolled it, tied it and then seasoned it. I slow roasted it over more than 2 hours at 250 degrees and less.

The duck was tender and delicious. Not fatty. I wish I had a camera to take pictures through the whole process. Yummmmmmm

Jelous???

I have been really stressing out a lot lately. I find myself brimming with anger at the slightest slightest trespass from other people around me. Some people at work have really gotten up my nose and I thought long and hard on the way home about using that employee support system that a lot of work places have. I am so frustrated an angry about my life right now… I know that where, what, how I am doing is a place I should not be in.

It feels like that somewhere along the way I made a wrong turn and since then I have been paying a price of frustration. I love Adolfo and I do not think it is wrong. It is a happy happen-stance of the situation. Maybe it all goes wrong JUST coming to Las Vegas?

Maybe that will change soon. My horoscope yesterday through MSN struck me oddly. It said I was so busy working in one direction that I was missing “all the fun”. I took it as if I was missing something better…

I’ve been blaming Allan but I cannot blame him alone. I really jumped on the bandwagon heartily and look where I ended up? I got my degree. I got Adolfo. I got a new look at where I could go with it all? I also gained 30+ pounds of FAT. ugh…

I’ll be updating my Holiday Page, too. (Hey, if that link does not work use the “wish list” link up above.

Anyway, I am working on making plans for 2005. 🙂

Well, since the last mail I heard from about 10% of the pipples I sent mail to… buttheads! Where is my Uncy Ed? Dave/Chris? Mark/Sebby? Nancy? Ugh! Where did my family go?

Well, we were also expecting to see Adolfo’s sister, neice, nephew and some other characters tonight, but Lucia got sick and ended up staying home. Pooooooor baby. We were looking forward to the visit.

I passed my test!!!! I passed the hardware portion of my A+ MicroSoft test and I am a happy camper. I do wish I could have done better. My score was just above passing and I think I should have taken it sooner.

What else? Well, uhm, well, ah, well… I guess that’s it for now. I need to get my skanky ass to bed. Nighty night!

xo… from me

I have not heard from anyone since I posted the pics from Universal Studios. This week is a little nutty because Ih ave a final exam to complete and my A+ certification for hardware tomorrow. UGH! This exam promises to be very very difficult.

Anyway… I am stressing over that and other things. Adolfo and I are saving money for the beginning of the year. We do not know where we will be?

• Seattle? I have been wanting to move to Seattle for two years because of the culture and people up there. I think this will be a good place to live and settle.
• Portland? I imagine it is much like Seattle. I hear itis getting expensive to live there, but what the hell does that mean? Boston was expensive to live… bring it on!
• Manchester? Hmmm… sounds nice huh? Skiing in the winter! Oh my…
• Chicago? I know a lot of people there and my family lives close by? Hmmm…
• Boston Again? I miss Boston… but living there IS a challenge… I wonder if I could do it again?

That is the order of places I am thinking of moving to. Imagine that, huh??? What do you think?

xo

Last night I worked very late and want to get to bed early. I was working for the Venetian and Chef Long, but we went to the Four Seasons to plate a Venetian desert. It was cool… but we were later than expected. So, my chef kicked me loose a little early today. Yeah – me.

I ahve to study for 2 big tests next week. I am finding 400 things to do that are not that… ugh, I suck. Boo – me.

OK… I have done a lot of thingies today… time to give in and study.

xo… Scott

What can I say? It’s been a couple days since my last entry. In that time, Bush becamse President fro the 2nd time and I went on a quickie vcation with Adolfo.

Bush won… again. I was depressed at first, but I thought about ‘why’ he won. It appears this country is headed on a new conservative trend that brought Carrie Nation into the light. We had the 70’s and the 80’s in pure debauchery… okay, my time lines are a little skewed, but the twist is the same.

We had prodestants then the wild west. We had Carrie Nation and then the roaring twenties. We had the fifties retro-glam and high hair, then we had the sixties. Well, this sexual seventies and twisted closing to the 20th Century… now we have a new conservatism.

Now, I have a theory G.W. will be a linch pin in a new future for the USA. I recall Constantine who used Christianity to make a new utopia and ultimately destroyed the power of Rome. So, I fear he will do much the same for this country.

Maybe that is an “over-the-top” metaphore? But, I fear that it is more close to reality than you know. He will change the world, but in a way that will take this country out of being the superpower we are today.

On a lighter note.

Vacation P2 was really great. Adolfo and I left Nov 2nd at 7 am and flew into L.A… went to Universal Studios before it was open. Had breakfast at AWESOME PLACE called Saddleback something… a SUPER SEXY WAITER named Preston was our server. Yum.

Universal Studios is a dinosaur. There was one attraction called Van Helsing’s Castle and it was as tired as those corner fun-houses… I mean it was as chessey as it gets and that was symbollic of MOST of the park.

The BACK TO THE FUTURE ride is one of those motion rides. Ultra-Cheezy!

The best parts were the Mummy Ride, Jurassic Park and a display of the I Love Lucy memorablia. The Mummy Ride was sooooo short. I was stunend it ended as fast as it did.

I sound like I am bitching and bitching and bitching. I was disapointed at the park and the really shoddy, cheezy, unkept, unexplored oppurtunity there. Iwas thrilled with the Bourne Identity display which I humped… see the gallery… ha ha ha.

So….

I did not get a hotel before we went. I thought, in my tiny brain, that we might go to Hollywood Spa and sleep there… get a little action… whatever. I was way too tired for that crap and Adolfo would not go for it. So, we had a taxi driver take us to a mediim priced place. Holiday Inn was the answer… it worked out just fine.

We talked a lot. Both of us feel like we are drifting away from each other. I am wondering about where we will be at the end of the year both in business and living…. I keep looking to Seattle. There were tears. There was anger. We got back on track…

Then we had amazing sex in the morning…. Scott