I am up too late again tonight working on one of my “projects”. I am frustrated because I am discovering a lack of information… ugh. BUT… since tomorrow is my Friday at work I need to drag my tired ass to bed. I also have school tomorrow night… ugh again.

Well, that was deep. Ugh… jay Leno just appeared on the tv… I ned to GO!

I got an e-mail from terry today and it was nice. He is always a character. He was my best friend back in high school One story from our past continuously haunts me: he and I drank some cheap sparkling wine and sour-cream and onion popcorn… well I threw every bit of it up! He and I have a lot of crazy stories from our high school years and some time after. I cannot imagine how I did all the things I did back then. I had a lot of fun.

Anyway, this has become a time for a lot of new thinking. Always thinking. Sometimes too much! Hwever, I am trying to et goals again. Let’s see where all this leads to?

Today was a rough day… not bad. Just a little rough. I could feel some seriously bad energy floating around me all day. It was as if I was attracting negative energy from other people al the while. I had negative interaction with people everywhere until I just chilled.

When I do not eat my whole personality and vibe changes. I am gruff and impatient. I am easily frustrated and reactive.

So, after I ate dinner tonight I felt completely different. I had Orange Chicken at the Pick-Up Stix near school and I felt so good afterward. Hmmm… funny, huh?

Well, I am on my way to pickup Adolfo from work. Cheers! xo

I have been working odd hours at work this week because of all the conventions happening. I am exhausted! I have to be there at 5am and I worked OT yesterday without even realizing it. It’s been a little nutty, but the action has been good. I like staying busy

Anyway, as I write this I am thinking about getting to bed. Long ass day coming tomorrow. Tomorrow is also my Friday and it is overdue. I have to get through it though. I doubt there will be a problem.

I have been looking at my visitor stats and the diary seems to be one of my more popular pages… but almost no one is coming to visit! hmmm… sad me

Okay, talk soon! xo

I forgot to mention that I updated a couple sections of the site last night. nothing major.. but I am trying to think of some new things I can add. Any suggestions? xo

Got a nice e-mail from Allan today. Got an annoying e-mail from Keith, too. He was responding to my e-mail to him and basically made excuses for it all. Whatever.

I think this is a good thing, in a way, that I can see people in a different light. There are a lot of people I don’t like. There are a lot of people who are interesting. There are a lot of interesting looking people who are boring as hell.

Ever hear an interview with Janet Jackson? I saw her in Letterman or something once and damn if she did’nt sound boring. I see guys with exotic looks and swarthy shells who are either stupid as a rock or boring as the mold under the rock. What’s up with that????

I guess I am ranting. I have a lot of people in my universe who vary in a lot of ways. Some are sweet and nice as anyone could ever be… but dumb as a stump.

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Don’t I sound like such a bitch? well, FUCK YOU. ha ha ha ha ha…

Today went by so fast. Today is my Saturday from work. It turns out it is my Monday for school. I swear I just woke up and am already ready for bed… but Adolfo and I are supposed to go out for a drink tonight. YEAH!

God help me… can’t use any names here. None mentioned above however; that has to be cleared up for the sensative folks out there. All I can say to them: “At least you’re pretty…”

I have been really upset with pal Keith for reasons I am not going to get into. I wrote him an e-mail explaining why. It started on Christmas Eve and has not come to closure. I am not sure how I feel about it at this point… because I ask myself… do I respect him?

I mean really… I am NO innocent myself. I have done a LOT of things to deserve very little respect form a lot of people. Hell, I barely respct myself. Well, metaphorically speaking…

When I feel betrayed. When I feel like my relationship with someone has become destructive. When I sense I have lost respect for that individual… I pull away. I do not want to make it worse or let it get to a point where it gets explosive.

If you read back you would see where I filtered a lot of people out of my life. Too many names to list and a few of those people pop-in on my site periodically to see. I think about all of them some times and wonder if I was too impulsive? …in the end I agree with myself that I did what was ultimately right. …I think.

What’s done is done. That was a personality I expereinced in Boston. It took a while to really build more solid relationships there. Friends were freinds. There was a tremendous value to all of that.

Las Vegas is a vacant place and I feel very alone here. I crave warmth and a better sense of community and a better social support here. I have this possibly unreal vision of what life should be… freinds coming by and sitting in the kitchen with coffee. Watching tv or playing games together… not here.

I look up to Seattle for a place to build a life at. I sense I can have a home there and settle… I can hope huh?

xo

I am getting ready for bed. I did not sleep so well last night, so I am looking forward to it. I have these wierd dreams from time to time about work-related things. Last night I kept dreaming that I had to produce carmelized nut tarts in huge amounts and could not keep up. The food was being left out and I was continuously stressing out that I had to finish. ugh

Last night Adolfo took me out to celebrate my birthday. We at at a favorite called FireFly that serves Spanish Tapas. I ordered a pitcher of Mojito immediately! Some freinds showed up which I was glad to see. Esther (from work), Woody (school and work) and Sai (cuts my hair and buddy of Adolfo).

Yesterday was really good anyway you look at it. We did spend the morning at the Vet because Tom has been suffering from diarreaha for a few days. He got into some raw turkey and we think he got a parasite… will he ever learn?

hmm… Happy New Year … now go to bed and make sweet sweet love. ha ha ha!

uhm… tomorrow is my birthday and I could get through it not really worrying about it at all. I am turing 40. 4 (four) 0 (zero)… I am officially gay-dead. I am the old troll smiling through yellow teeth, unkept hair and wearing polyester. oi vay…

I did, however, get a neat cake from work! It’s very nice and I am looking forward expanding my troll-like gut.

This last week has been a littl nuts. Actually it would be safe to say that the last month has been generally unnerving. Getting ready for x-mas, making enough money to afford everything, looking for family and freinds who are just as busy and blah blah blah….

So Thursday eveing Adolfo and I hosted a quiet gathering of some friends who came by and it was very nice. Karen and the baby were here, Esther (from work) was here with her beautiful daughter, Woody + Brian, Dirty Dorothy and… I think that was everyone. I served some nut tarts I made, Costco special cream puffs, and some sliced Stollen bread. Beside them I also served a spiked warm Nog and a Mulled Wine.

The next night I had a party to cook for for a family in Henderson and it went well. I had a lot of little problems that I eventually ironed out.

We ended up doing our gift exchange on Thursday after the party we had. The gift details are on the other blog page! Regardless, I got some really good stuff rom Adolfo. He spent too much money on me and I told him so!

xo… 🙂

Earlier today I considered what I would write in my diary tonight, because I have been really struggling with the path of life I am on… again. I am definitely on a road with dual personalities! The light is not guiding me clearly… in other words… there is no clear compass sending me in one CAREER direction.

I am enjoying the catering and personal chef business. My job at the Venetian is basically catering while my personal chef business is picking up here and there. I am also going to school for some computer certifications.

My horoscope today:

You may find yourself wanting to go in many directions today, yet at the same time something seems to be holding you back from going anywhere, dear Capricorn. This annoying conflict of energies may make it difficult for you to make the most of your day, but you can handle it. Don’t act too hastily. Make sure you evaluate all of your choices before you make a final decision. If nothing seems to fit well for you today, don’t push it.

How profound… maybe just to me. Well, Adolfo and I are having some peeps over on Thursday evening and I will post pics… of course.

…guide me.

oh, Sam CALL ME!!!!! brat!