Well, we’re back from SFO and back into the mode of life. Adolfo is at work right now. I am going to bed in 5 minutes. We spent WAY WAY too much money.
Anyway, all the pictures and more details will be posted soon. As I am slowly recovering from the journey I am thinking in my mind about more to come.
Kaidy is here visiting from L.A. and watching t.v. in the other room. Ugh… I need to get to bed so I can have the joy of going to work tomorrow. yipee…
This has been an interesting month, as it is ending in some pretty cool ways. I have a lot of goals and in achieving them I am stunned that I am making head-way.
We are leaving on vacation in a few days and will have some cool pictures to post. We will have some neat stories and more. I just found out that Chip from New York will be there on Thursday preparing for the San Francisco Marathon! We might get a chance to see him!!!
I talked with Allan in Texas last night for a while and I was taken by his new outlook on life. This was one of a few of freindships I severed and walked away from because it was getting to me. It was one of two people whom I cared for that I found myself too involved in thier lives and finding myself being very judgemental about what they did to themselves and other people around them.
It’s no more healthy for me to be involved as it is for me to be judgemental about it. For Allan or for Keith, for that matter. I find myself missing Keith in some ways.
I am glad I talked with Allan and saw where he is evolving in this existance. I am sure Keith is doing much in the same.
I recently sent out a mass e-mail to freinds and family saying “howdy”… none of those bitches replied… well, except Ken in Burmuda! Hey!!!!! I need more attention!
Later ya’ll
Today is my Sunday, but I have an extra day off this week which I am very happy about. I chose not to get paid for it, saving my flex-time (vacation time), so my next check will be slightly enemic (sp?).
I got the web sites uploaded finally. There are some minor changes I made already, but I want to do more updates.Of course, there are many more to come to my changing and evolving world.
Vacation plans are all made and there is room for exploraion and fun-having. I will be visiting SFO anew… I hope Adolfo can find it a positive expereince.
I have began figuring out that he rarely sees anything in a positive light. He almost never is excited about something. He almost never has a positive thing to say about expereinces. He is so afraid of “new” or change that it boggles my imagination.
On Queer Eye last night there was the girlfreind of the Strait Guy who was much like Adolfo… she could say nothing positive. She almost complained unceasingly. I was watching with Adolfo and that evening we had an brief bitch-moment about how negative he was…
I wonder if he saw the same paralells I did?????
xo
It’s been a while… again. Our lives have changed with schedules changing. Adolfo and I have much more simular schedules and with that he likes to keep me off the computer. I cannot get a lot of things done I would normally be working on. Is that bad? Is that good?
Time will tell… so far, not so bad.
Mom was here last weekend and we spent a couple evenings with her and my step-dad. It was very nice to see them. This weekend Adolfo’s sis and neice are coming to town. Wierd how everyone travels about the same time, huh? A holiday weekend brings ’em in!
Last night I booked our new vacation. I got a good deal to SFO for three nights and I got hotel, air and a car for a good dea. YEAH! I want to go to Europe this year, too, but I do not see that really developing. ergh…
Anyway, I am looking forward to the whole trip. Getting away is way way overdue right now. I hope not to drive my ass into the poorhouse.
Anyway, I am off to pick the little-man (right Keith?) from work and then off for a drinky-poo. Ha ha ha… Scott
So, it’s been a quiet week and my brain has still been working over time on where I am, what I want, and how to get to a point that I can only imagine arriving at after winning the Lotto (or Megabucks). To get there, I sense I would have to sever my life here with Adolfo and maybe even with Tom, but I am unwilling to do that.
I am examining life. I am thinking about my needs. I am thinking about my happiness now and in the future. I’ll keep ya’ll updated.
Still thinking a lot about a lot of things… thinking too much. I cannot quite put my finger on what it is I feel I am missing out of life. I feel like I am standing on the side of a freeway watching the world passing by. I cannot focus on any one object as it passes by in a blur. (a metaphore)
My life in Boston was good. My life in L.A. was good, but I have more money here (in Las Vegas) and have a lovely home. My relationship with Adolfo is good… but I get big doubts inside of me about the sustainability of it.
I have always journeyed along the path of life (another metaphore) and saw a clear road (for the most part), but I am in a fog!
Alas, I wish I had other news to share. Sometime soon. Surprisingly enough I am not ALL drama. Kisses!
I do not suppose I write much when thengs are good and stuff… that means I need a place and a voice to vent when I am not feeling very secure or comfortable. I cannot say these things to Adolfo, because he usually does not understand. Adolfo listenes, but usually jumps to a conclusion so far off base it leaves me staggering…
Don’t get me wrong. Adolfo is very good to me. He is also very insightful some times. He usually does it in surprising ways. But, he does not completely get me.
I have secrets and shadows I deal with every day in life. I have demons that I wrestle with like many people do. The demons have been loud lately and making themselves appear in parts of my life that I thought were sheltered. They interfere with daily routine some times.
Sounds dramatic. I think I made some strides lately in life and it has caused the sands to shift a bit and the results are … well, when you kill one big demon a smaller, meaner, bitchier demon might not be far behind.
I am paying off a big debt and am getting ready to tackle the next one.
Is it all as clear as mud now?
Anyway, regarding my previous entry, Gary wrote me an interesting response. He said “evil” spelled backwards is: “live”. Am I evil? Am I live – ing. As much as it should have been comforting or thought-provking… the response made me unsettled.
Any thoughts? You can post your own comments below….
Yesterday, I started thinking again. I meditate some times and I get a little vision of the present from outside of myself looking in. I have a hard time seeing myself which is why I value other people’s opinions some times. Like, there have been times when my parents tel me something about my younger years I do not know presently and it stuns me. I wish I had an example!
Now, do not get me wrong… there are a lot of people who want to tell me about ME and they are usaully assholes. Bitter queens with a bad attitude… “you’re fat”, “you got a big ass”… etc… someone told me I was “thick” or “mean”… I know some people say I am mean because I can be too honest and can tell someone something they did nt really want to know.
I know my POV is clearly not always the same POV as other people. I say “so-n-so” is dumb as a stump, but other people say she is “nice”. Is this person in denial ignoring the fact they she is stupid or are they more focused on her nice-ness?
Like me, am I mean or am I too honest?
And, where does the word “evil” come from? What is evil? I am a good person who has a good heart and a desire to help people. Yet, I am bad in many sinful ways. Today I was thinking about the seven deadly sins:
1. Pride: I am full of this. My id overwhelms my commonsense more times than it shold It showed this morning for sure! I had a bad temper-tantrum on the car.
2. Envy: if only there was a cure.
3. Anger: Also answered in #1.
4. Greed: If it were not for greed I would have left Vegas a long time ago. I am here to earn money and enrich my life with more stuff.
5. Sloth: getting there….
6. Gluttony: I am 30#’s over weight.
7. Lust: it’s me.
So, I have some to terms I am a big sinner. If I swollow the whole bible thumper crapola I am off to hell in a firey handbasket. The Jews might be thinking somewhere along the same lines. The freekin’ Muslims already killed me, what can I say????
So, am I a bad person? Am I evil? If I am eeeeeeeeeeeeeee-vil then how do I not be evil? Do I follow Pope Gregory’s list as the “don’ts” for the rest of my days?
See, I have this idea that G*d wants us to make the most out of life. It includes traveling, loving, exploring, and more. Right now I am not doing much of any of that. I am feeling very frustrated and adrift.
Suppose all of that crap from above is leading to something? I am not sure where I am going or where I am at. I have passions and none of them are spawning any real fruit. I am spinning in my own shit, really, and feeling upset.
I love cooking and want to mark achievements in that. I love working with computers, web sites, and stuff. You know me… I have many talents. BUT, shouldn’t I be working hard on one of them or is my genious too big for it?
I took a IQ test once and it was a very high score. Is that really good? Is there something for me in the big picture? Is ANYBODY listening?
Yes, I saw Hitchhikers and loved it… but I love English humor anyway. I swear… I was the only person laughing in some of the scenes shown. None of the Hillbillies around me got it. Adolfo looked at me like a lost my friggin mind. I know he liked the movie, but he went mostly at my insistence.
Anyway, next movies to come out I am waiting for are:
Monster In-Law
Star Wars
Madagascar
Mr. and Mrs Smith
Batman Begins
Bewitched
War of the Worlds
Fantastic Four
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Brother’s Grimm
Well, in that order, too.
Other news??? Not much. I miss a lot of my freinds again. Been thinking about Ed in Califronia and Allan in Texas. I also wondered about Maureen in Boston… missing all of you.