I am so tired. I want to lay down in the middle of a green forest and sleep in a big fluffy bed with a thick comforter and … nothing or no one else. Away from everything… everyone… silent, blissful. It would be Heaven.

So, I had this discussion with someone today. I have talents in a few areas and am fairly strong in all of them. Cooking. Computer Support. Web stuff… and other things. I have a mixed bag of passions: cooking, traveling, art, design, and sex. Is there a way to combine my skills into something I can be happy with and do with a clear conscious?

The discussion was really about having a path in life and how being skilled in a variety of genre is not really so good for the individual because it makes career paths and long term goals blur and get sketchy. When I was in high school and going forward I was going to be a model, I was going to be a famous fiction writer, I was going to be rich beyond all my dreams. When I got out of the military in 1989 I was going to still be a writer because I had no real skills I could bargain with in spite of my 6 years in the Air Force.

When I got out and started in the direction of Technology, I went to ITT for a while and was going to be a writer and tech guru at the same time. But, I was also going to be rich beyond my dreams and have to worry about nothing when I got older.

By then I had really started fucking up my credit and was getting no where special. I moved to Boston and started on a strong technical road as a support person and a technical trainer… which I brought back to L.A. with me through 2001.

The world blew up and I was looking for direction when I decided to explore one of my passions and I became a Chef. As my Chefy skills grew I longed for the Technical stuff and did that on the side along the way until in 2005 I changed teams and was back in IT again.

Well, IT has changed and in spite of my skills there are a lot of younger moppets thinking they know everything and I am left saying…”there for the grace of God go I”… funny, huh?

What now? Remaining introspective I find myself usually following my own tail in a never ending circle. The path of life has left me into a thick forest and I need to climb up to a higher path where trees are younger and not as souped together.

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Sound goofy? I believe in something called the “Path of Life” and it is this literal interpretation of life I think most people can relate to this metaphor because it makes sense. Imagine life as a path through a moutainside pathway. Sometimes you’re faced with a cross in the path, a split path, or even a blocked path. All of ideals directly relate to life. You have to make the right choices that will determine the rest of your journey… or you must deal with the obstacle that is in the way before you can go forward.

Imagine having a block in the path? You have to spend time removing the dead tree from the path. That dead tree could represent a bad person in your life. It could represent that bounced check you have to pay off… anything.

Walking through a briar patch could be part of your journey.. which means you walk a hard path but you will get through it.. even with some scratches. But, you will be stronger in the end.

If you make your way along the wrong path you can never go back. Going backward is out of the question, you might as well try going back in time. What’s done is done.

You should not look back along the road you came from because you’re not moving forward.

Sometimes you can collect things along the way. Some things make the journey lighter, some make it heavier. The idea is to know what to dump along the way and what to keep. You will know quickly if you dumped the wrong thing… but you can’t go back again… it’s never the same or someone else has it now.

If the weather is bad it will pass, but it could make the road harder to travel. That too will pass. Wet weather could mean marriage troubles and the divorce or reconciliation that follows will be hard but there is always resolution if you face it. Refusing to face will only set you into the briar patch or even worse become a mountain of stones in your path… either way the journey really slows down… but time stands still for no one.

I have never experienced some of the literal predators in the journey… so much anyway. But they are out there. Imagine predators as people who would intersect with your journey and hold you back; an abusive lover or parent? Maybe something more frightening like a rape or death that retards your functions and holds you back? A robbery? A deceptive person who abused your trust?

All of these examples in the above could turn your path involuntarily or unwittingly driving you off your journey! How do you recover from that? Some people use a therapist and find a guardian for the travel … held strong with a good companion.

Since all of us are different and have various levels of endurance, patience, and fortitude the path is as individual as us. Yet, the barriers are the same… some bigger than others. For me, my perception is that the biggest weakness in the journey is the curious preoccupation with the person on the next path over. It’s either “the grass is always greener” competition or the moral indignation for issues that do not impact YOU or are none of YOUR personal business (some examples are but not limited to like Gay and Lesbian Issues… Transgender… Spoiled Children… Raising Children… Smoking Pot… whatever… ).

For each of us, our journey is to get from Point A to Point B… Birth to Death… without hurting anyone along the way. Having learned as much as possible because Point B is not the end, but a new beginning.

The greatest sin imposed on another person on their journey is to be a predator, to be indignant, to be stone in the road… people all have to explore life as much as possible.

I have started working 0n the new 2006 version of UrielsLantern and expect all you to come and visit frequently!!!!!! This one will be a lot different than my previous attemtps. I hope to make this one more entertaining and draw ya’ll back more often.

So many people have lost interest in the doldrums of me. Gary, Terry, Ian, and Chippy never come and read me anymore. Pwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!! Ozzie Georgie, Boston Ricky, Chicago Brian all blew my bitch-ass off like I was nobody!

Pwaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Can you tell how bored I am… anyway. Tomorrow is Halloweenie day and I have no plans expcet to work. We will give some candy to some of the neighbor kids before we go to work and that is about it. Ugh…

Love ya!

It’s almost time for me to go home from work and I want to make this quick entry. Tonight I was talking to the one of the Chef’s in the hot kitchen to discover he was there with some of the biggest Chef’s in the US. So, I rushed down and walked through.

Two feet away from me was Roy Yamaguchi, Mario Batali, and Emeril Lagasse. Charlie Trotter and many many many many more… I was lost! I was in awe. I was giddy. I wanted to cry because I would have immedaitely taken off my shirt and climbed into a Chef’s jacket without hesitation to be among them given the chance…. I was playing hookie from work.

I really wanted to cry. FUCK!

Last night Adolfo and I went to the birthday party for a little girl who turned 3. Well, it was her Las Vegas party because she was visiting her Gram’n’Grampa who are our neighbor. It was an all adult gathering…she was absolutely adorable.

Then we sat at home and watched t.v. for the rest of the evening. Joy…. God we’re boring.

Did I not tell you this would be an uneventful weekend? Well, I did very little including some of the important things I could have been doing. I am such a slacker.

Yesterday I took Adolfo to the Dentist. We have a new dentist now and I got my teeth cleaned. It is amazing how much SHIT comes out of a person’s mouth! Chunks! Boulders! A complete hillside. Well, the doctor was cool and he lectured us both about taking care of the teeths… I need to floss more. I have some kind of gum problem that Adolfo has too, so were both on meds twice a day for a week to clear it up. Some kind of bacterial infection… blah blah blah.

Makes you want to kiss me, huh?

It also answered a problem I was having my two of my lower front teeth. Seems I thought they were compressing against each other and getting worse over time. True, but it was all plaque. ewwwww! Now it’s all good!

We go back in two weeks for some more work and we are looking forward to it. Yes, I am actually looking forward to getting back to the dentist. Let’s see how long this lasts.

Anyway, I am looking foward to the coming weeks. The winds of change are shifting…. xox2

Whatta week… odly enough it seems like the whole thing as smoked by. I am looking forward to this weekend for the most part, just a chill-fest until Wednesday. Why? I have my first dental appointment in years!

There is a guy who uses lasers instead of needles or drills which really got my attention. I really have a deep phobia of dentists and I finally get to see one.

If I can talk Thursday… or if I can type on Thursday I will post a follow up and tell you all how it went. Should be interesting… i made the appointment today and and started extra flossing right away!

Cheers for now my lovlies. S

Given last night’s post, I was very driven by a conviction that burned inside of me to relate the death of those two guys even though it happened way back in July. It kills me that I heard nothing through the media about it.

On other subjects… I started reading this book I bought off of Amazon. It combines two things I love which is food and Ancient Rome. The book demonstrates recipes going back to the days before Caesar.

Steven Saylor recommends this in the back of his last book where he talks about the history and the people involved in some of this stories. I have been reading Steven’s books for YEARS and he occasionally discusses the food his characters are eating and I am fascinated by the dishes he discusses.

Keep in mind, his books contain real historical characters in a way that helps you learn more about the period of history they are all in.

One of the principles that comes back over and over is Cicero, which is the famous lawyer as seen in several films featuring the death of Caesar. It includes the rise of Caesar and in the previous book “Judgment of Caesar” you are smack in the middle of the whole death of General Pomeii, Cleopatra’s fight with Ptolemy and the tomb of Alexander the Great!

The stories are all mysteries. The Investigator is Gordianus (at the time he was called a Finder though he is the fictional figure in all this). Amazon has all the books and from start to finish they are all worth reading. You see his family grow, mature, and Gordianus age. You see the single greatest period of history come alive. What I like a lot is the sense of humor Gordianus has!

The fact that Steven is a hottie and comes across (in e-mail) as such a nice guy is just too good! Get these books and hopefully we’ll see a lot more books from Steven!!!!!!!

I actually went to Rome at stood at the edge of Circus Maximus, wandered INSIDE the Coliseum, and stood on a dirt road outside of a building with an Egyptian pyramid that in all liklihood any and all of histories most famous people once stood! After reading these book, after marveling at some of the movies made (like Gladiator), I felt an even stronger connection to that point in history. I gotta get back there!!!!!!!!

Cheers!

I have been reading other blogs and I think it would only do us good to share these with other people. As screwed up and dull as 75% seem to be, there are some genuine idiot sevants out there writing some interesting junk. I included some in previous blogs; like Anonymous Lawyer for example and the music web site I found which was way cool.

I also found some troubling web sites that talk about politcs and gay issues… I was literally wrecked for a week because one of them published 2 18 year old guys who were arrested, torchured, and then hung for one reason; they were gay. The pictures were on the Blog and I could perceive form the pics 1 (story1, Story 2, Story 3, Their Names, ) that out of the two guys 1 had given up and let himself hang to death while the other – dangling from the rope – seemed to be fighting to live. These were still pics and it strikes home for many reasons.

1. The world is a cruel cruel place and we humans are absolute monsters to each other.
2. The freedoms I have come to take for granted are as solid as paper mache and it is getting worse with conservative’s and religiouos figures in government.
3. That all we know about God and faith is a big lie; that this world is brimming with evil and much of it as it has been in the last 2000 years is still done in the name of God. It’s the worst hypicracy…

I thought I would wish that the entire Middle East were destroyed when I saw that image, but that would be wrong too. I initially wanted to see that entire part of the world, the Muslim Faith destroyed… I would burn every Koran I could find… but that would be wrong.

This world has God and Faith in order to bring people together. This world is getting smaller by technology and population yet were are getting further divided. We disconnect by titles and lables and personal greed, vanity, and lust… we are killing ourselves.

I hope we have a lot more major disasters and plagues so we can start appreciateing what we have a little more. We have lost faith. We have no God. We are alone.

I had a nice weekend, as it were, still working on a lot of life stuff and making plans for the future. I had the chance to chat with a couple of people briefly including Chippy who will be visiting in a couple months for the Las Vegas Marathon. He is running like 4 or 5 major running races in the span of like 4 months. Whatta NUT!

My own running has been going well, though I am not losing any weight. I am strong. I can always do better. I will get better as I go forward.

I made dinner last night and it was sorta icky. Not bad, but I was very unhappy. Many of my staples were gone and things I thought I had were already thrown out. ARGH! I did make a decent carrot soup and a pork chop loin with a quickie white wine sauce that I thought tasted okay. The wine I made it from was one of the best Chardonnay’s I ever had.

No other news of any signicance. I said I was looking to the future and think things are going to begin changing whether I initiate them or not. It’s already starting to swirl around me like Wilma is in the Yucatan Peninsula!

I feel the new Tsunami coming, it is change. I like change, but I do not like when I get run over by it. Change is good as long as you’re open to it. Adolfo is very closed to change… I know this and I try and make change as easy as I can for him.

Change is good. I talked to Brian on-line the other day. He and his BF have bought a gorgous condo in Chicago!!!! It is gorgeous… but I think their winter gas bill is going to be hell. Anyway, Brian is thrilled and I am happy for him as well.

I bought new shoes today… I decided I needed some new shoes. I got them from Ken Cole as usual! I think Adolof will be less than happy I spent more money on clothes. He is doing really well in his job! I am amazed… so I told him I am going to quit my job and he is goign to support me. He didn’t laugh.

Today is my Friday… I leave here in just over 1 1/2 hours and am not lookign back. Thursday is my boss’ last day and I get a new one… ugh! I was just getting used to the one I had… I was really starting to like her. I guess it will only make my decision to move on easier when that happens??? Not that the new one is bad or anything, I just don’t know her.

I do need a change. I started thinking of where I could go and began realizing I am very nervous about making the change. I looked at a caterer in Providence and was impressed by their web site http://atomiccatering.com/home.asp …. they produce some beautiful stuff.

So, Brian told me he saw in the Blog that I was thinking of moving to Chicago. I told him “Didn’t mean to scare you” and though I could not hear the tone of his voice I imagine he was white as a sheet. Shaking… twitching at the idea. Ha ha ha….

I have a lot of family near Chicago and it would be cool to reconnect. Most of us stay in touch via e-mail and that is a good thing. I miss my cuz in Colorado! She is the coolest! My uncle in Tusla rocks!

Okay, I am just talking about anything at this point so I will flee. Cheers ALL!!!!