In the light of my uncly Ed I am radiating with positive energy. See my previous post? Is anyone seeing my previous posts? I am hoping by displaying a new image that my site will start generating some new visitors.

I am currently assembling my 2006 UrielsLantern site and am considering choosing a new domain name for it as well. What do you think I should do? I have the basic theme in place and a couple of the pages. I will try and expand on the content so it is more interesting to people and more engaging.

Maybe I should make user profiles for the people I talk about in this diary… Sam, Terry, Brian (Chicago), BrianLV, Kenny, Allan, Keith, Adolfo and Tom… with pictures and stuuuufff. Chippy, Ian, George (Melbourne) and Gary (Nebraska). Uncy Ed, Mom, Dad, Rae-Rae and …. and … hmmm?

I have always used my Diary as a means of venting and excising some of the demons in my own soul. It’s also a place where I can share the positive things I can offer friends, family, and sometimes people I have never met before. I have always hoped that someone might discover this diary and say… “this idiot has the same problems I have” or something like that.

Problems? Well, Issues??? Disfunctions? Delusions?

I am 40 years old. Most of my life I thought I had all the secret ingredients to the world. I thought I knew things people generally did not know. I thought that I was unlike anyone else.

BUT, the older I get the more I start realizing how I am everything opposite of that last paragraph. If it is wisdom or insanity I cannot say.

I have a secret I have told no one. Not a single person on this earth. I have one secret that I have often tried to share… but I recently discovered that there are about 2 dozen people on the web who claim to have the same secret. Keep in mind this is something that would have to be, in my perception, unique.

It only proves that me, like most other people, are so deluded into ourselves. I realize how much the same we all are in the big picture.

What makes me special, now? I know where I am going psychologically and spiritually; I live to be self-actualized. It makes me ambitious and abrasive. I see through lies like Saran wrap and I feel love very powerfully toward people around me; as well as anger. I hate to alienate good hearted people because they could if they mistake my frankness for cruelty.

xo

I’m not feeling very philosophical. Neither do I feel complacent. I have been thinking about friends of mine again, wondering how people are. I think about Terry and the stuff he is doing in some city in the middle of California… not one of those romantic shoreline cities, but in one of those places you hear about that’s on a road going somewhere.

This weekend is the NY Marathon and Chippie will probably be running in it. I have not seen him on-line, so he has probably been out running to prepare. Sleeping to prepare. I am so jealous.

Someone at work went to Buffalo, NY and brought back pictures and I thought about Ian. He lives in Rochester, but the cities are relatively close. It made me miss the North East. The North East has a character unlike anywhere else that embodies “Americana” (in my opinion) more than anywhere.

I also had a dream about Trish Kamminga… I dreamed I saw her walking across a foot ball field and I called out to her… she turned and around and did not recognize me right away. Then she finally did I told me I gained a lot of weight…. hmmm.

Dad asked me about another ghost from Scotters-Past… Eric. He was a year behind me in high school and dad though he was in my college grad pics from Culinary school… I said no, that was Keith.

I talked to ToplessEd (AIM screenname) for Holloweenie… 8″ minimum please… ha ha ha… and I miss him too. He is just the funniest.

When I leave LV I can hardly think of one person I will miss here. When I left L.A. I left Steven (who moved there from Boston) behind. In Boston I left Brian, Rick, Maureen and a whole cast and crew from Baja Cantina behind. Long Beach was where I broke my heart and left Ed, James, and John behind. I also left TVD and Todd A (another long story) behind.

If you’re reading this I bet you had pics to go along with all the names!!?!??!???!! Well, some of you know who you are.

I sound so melancholy now, huh?

I was talking to LVBrian today about my personality versus his BF… we are a lot alike in various ways. Key words include: selfish, self centered, impatient, temperamental, and occasionally impulsive. But, I also explained that people that know me and Adolfo tend to bond with Adolfo more because he is more lovable. I am abrasive, which tends to keep people from opening themselves up to me very much.

In their relationship, it seems to be very similar. Kenny is a pain in the butt and proud of it. Brian, a true Libra, is always trying to keep his Scorpio happy. Same with us except I am the domineering Capricorn and Adolfo is the somewhat passive Aquarian. Imagine this mix!?!?!?!

My point is that in spite of my personality flaws I feel I have bonded very closely with some people in my past that I miss to this day. Some have drifted off along a far road and others have let me go to wander my own road. I miss you guys…

I did it… I spent more money I should not have spent. I bought a Sirius Receiver which was on-sale for 129.00 then a 50.00 mail in rebate…. I thought I was getting a good deal. I had to buy installation which cost me $90.00 a,d then I had to buy the service which was 140.00 … Almost $400.00 later I have Satellite Radio!

I am just starting to explore it and I am not entirely impressed. The gay channel OutQ is boring as hell… all talk from dizzy drag-queens that provide as much content as a feather bola. The best thing I have heard so far is listeners calling in with their “Confessions” which provide some Jerry Springer level of humor.

I am looking through the whole media menu for something worth while… which I am sure I will. I will set all my presets and the new version of my site will certainly have an interesting menu!

Other news…. I amde a nice dinner for Kenny’s birthday. The cake was nice, but it could have been better! I made a 4 layer chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting (homemade style) for him… all from scratch. I think he liked it. I wil lbe posting a pic in a couple days!

For dinner I kept it simple in the true Kenny style. He hates green veggies so there was not a single one in sight. I made red skin mash potatoes, steaks, and some yummy freshly baked herb biscuits. Oh, I also make a veal sauce along with it. Yum.

So…. now I am planning Thanksgiving Day Turkey. I have to form a whole menu and get ready to serve it up! Stay tuned!

I am so tired. I want to lay down in the middle of a green forest and sleep in a big fluffy bed with a thick comforter and … nothing or no one else. Away from everything… everyone… silent, blissful. It would be Heaven.

So, I had this discussion with someone today. I have talents in a few areas and am fairly strong in all of them. Cooking. Computer Support. Web stuff… and other things. I have a mixed bag of passions: cooking, traveling, art, design, and sex. Is there a way to combine my skills into something I can be happy with and do with a clear conscious?

The discussion was really about having a path in life and how being skilled in a variety of genre is not really so good for the individual because it makes career paths and long term goals blur and get sketchy. When I was in high school and going forward I was going to be a model, I was going to be a famous fiction writer, I was going to be rich beyond all my dreams. When I got out of the military in 1989 I was going to still be a writer because I had no real skills I could bargain with in spite of my 6 years in the Air Force.

When I got out and started in the direction of Technology, I went to ITT for a while and was going to be a writer and tech guru at the same time. But, I was also going to be rich beyond my dreams and have to worry about nothing when I got older.

By then I had really started fucking up my credit and was getting no where special. I moved to Boston and started on a strong technical road as a support person and a technical trainer… which I brought back to L.A. with me through 2001.

The world blew up and I was looking for direction when I decided to explore one of my passions and I became a Chef. As my Chefy skills grew I longed for the Technical stuff and did that on the side along the way until in 2005 I changed teams and was back in IT again.

Well, IT has changed and in spite of my skills there are a lot of younger moppets thinking they know everything and I am left saying…”there for the grace of God go I”… funny, huh?

What now? Remaining introspective I find myself usually following my own tail in a never ending circle. The path of life has left me into a thick forest and I need to climb up to a higher path where trees are younger and not as souped together.

————————–

Sound goofy? I believe in something called the “Path of Life” and it is this literal interpretation of life I think most people can relate to this metaphor because it makes sense. Imagine life as a path through a moutainside pathway. Sometimes you’re faced with a cross in the path, a split path, or even a blocked path. All of ideals directly relate to life. You have to make the right choices that will determine the rest of your journey… or you must deal with the obstacle that is in the way before you can go forward.

Imagine having a block in the path? You have to spend time removing the dead tree from the path. That dead tree could represent a bad person in your life. It could represent that bounced check you have to pay off… anything.

Walking through a briar patch could be part of your journey.. which means you walk a hard path but you will get through it.. even with some scratches. But, you will be stronger in the end.

If you make your way along the wrong path you can never go back. Going backward is out of the question, you might as well try going back in time. What’s done is done.

You should not look back along the road you came from because you’re not moving forward.

Sometimes you can collect things along the way. Some things make the journey lighter, some make it heavier. The idea is to know what to dump along the way and what to keep. You will know quickly if you dumped the wrong thing… but you can’t go back again… it’s never the same or someone else has it now.

If the weather is bad it will pass, but it could make the road harder to travel. That too will pass. Wet weather could mean marriage troubles and the divorce or reconciliation that follows will be hard but there is always resolution if you face it. Refusing to face will only set you into the briar patch or even worse become a mountain of stones in your path… either way the journey really slows down… but time stands still for no one.

I have never experienced some of the literal predators in the journey… so much anyway. But they are out there. Imagine predators as people who would intersect with your journey and hold you back; an abusive lover or parent? Maybe something more frightening like a rape or death that retards your functions and holds you back? A robbery? A deceptive person who abused your trust?

All of these examples in the above could turn your path involuntarily or unwittingly driving you off your journey! How do you recover from that? Some people use a therapist and find a guardian for the travel … held strong with a good companion.

Since all of us are different and have various levels of endurance, patience, and fortitude the path is as individual as us. Yet, the barriers are the same… some bigger than others. For me, my perception is that the biggest weakness in the journey is the curious preoccupation with the person on the next path over. It’s either “the grass is always greener” competition or the moral indignation for issues that do not impact YOU or are none of YOUR personal business (some examples are but not limited to like Gay and Lesbian Issues… Transgender… Spoiled Children… Raising Children… Smoking Pot… whatever… ).

For each of us, our journey is to get from Point A to Point B… Birth to Death… without hurting anyone along the way. Having learned as much as possible because Point B is not the end, but a new beginning.

The greatest sin imposed on another person on their journey is to be a predator, to be indignant, to be stone in the road… people all have to explore life as much as possible.

I have started working 0n the new 2006 version of UrielsLantern and expect all you to come and visit frequently!!!!!! This one will be a lot different than my previous attemtps. I hope to make this one more entertaining and draw ya’ll back more often.

So many people have lost interest in the doldrums of me. Gary, Terry, Ian, and Chippy never come and read me anymore. Pwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!! Ozzie Georgie, Boston Ricky, Chicago Brian all blew my bitch-ass off like I was nobody!

Pwaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Can you tell how bored I am… anyway. Tomorrow is Halloweenie day and I have no plans expcet to work. We will give some candy to some of the neighbor kids before we go to work and that is about it. Ugh…

Love ya!

It’s almost time for me to go home from work and I want to make this quick entry. Tonight I was talking to the one of the Chef’s in the hot kitchen to discover he was there with some of the biggest Chef’s in the US. So, I rushed down and walked through.

Two feet away from me was Roy Yamaguchi, Mario Batali, and Emeril Lagasse. Charlie Trotter and many many many many more… I was lost! I was in awe. I was giddy. I wanted to cry because I would have immedaitely taken off my shirt and climbed into a Chef’s jacket without hesitation to be among them given the chance…. I was playing hookie from work.

I really wanted to cry. FUCK!

Last night Adolfo and I went to the birthday party for a little girl who turned 3. Well, it was her Las Vegas party because she was visiting her Gram’n’Grampa who are our neighbor. It was an all adult gathering…she was absolutely adorable.

Then we sat at home and watched t.v. for the rest of the evening. Joy…. God we’re boring.

Did I not tell you this would be an uneventful weekend? Well, I did very little including some of the important things I could have been doing. I am such a slacker.

Yesterday I took Adolfo to the Dentist. We have a new dentist now and I got my teeth cleaned. It is amazing how much SHIT comes out of a person’s mouth! Chunks! Boulders! A complete hillside. Well, the doctor was cool and he lectured us both about taking care of the teeths… I need to floss more. I have some kind of gum problem that Adolfo has too, so were both on meds twice a day for a week to clear it up. Some kind of bacterial infection… blah blah blah.

Makes you want to kiss me, huh?

It also answered a problem I was having my two of my lower front teeth. Seems I thought they were compressing against each other and getting worse over time. True, but it was all plaque. ewwwww! Now it’s all good!

We go back in two weeks for some more work and we are looking forward to it. Yes, I am actually looking forward to getting back to the dentist. Let’s see how long this lasts.

Anyway, I am looking foward to the coming weeks. The winds of change are shifting…. xox2

Whatta week… odly enough it seems like the whole thing as smoked by. I am looking forward to this weekend for the most part, just a chill-fest until Wednesday. Why? I have my first dental appointment in years!

There is a guy who uses lasers instead of needles or drills which really got my attention. I really have a deep phobia of dentists and I finally get to see one.

If I can talk Thursday… or if I can type on Thursday I will post a follow up and tell you all how it went. Should be interesting… i made the appointment today and and started extra flossing right away!

Cheers for now my lovlies. S

Given last night’s post, I was very driven by a conviction that burned inside of me to relate the death of those two guys even though it happened way back in July. It kills me that I heard nothing through the media about it.

On other subjects… I started reading this book I bought off of Amazon. It combines two things I love which is food and Ancient Rome. The book demonstrates recipes going back to the days before Caesar.

Steven Saylor recommends this in the back of his last book where he talks about the history and the people involved in some of this stories. I have been reading Steven’s books for YEARS and he occasionally discusses the food his characters are eating and I am fascinated by the dishes he discusses.

Keep in mind, his books contain real historical characters in a way that helps you learn more about the period of history they are all in.

One of the principles that comes back over and over is Cicero, which is the famous lawyer as seen in several films featuring the death of Caesar. It includes the rise of Caesar and in the previous book “Judgment of Caesar” you are smack in the middle of the whole death of General Pomeii, Cleopatra’s fight with Ptolemy and the tomb of Alexander the Great!

The stories are all mysteries. The Investigator is Gordianus (at the time he was called a Finder though he is the fictional figure in all this). Amazon has all the books and from start to finish they are all worth reading. You see his family grow, mature, and Gordianus age. You see the single greatest period of history come alive. What I like a lot is the sense of humor Gordianus has!

The fact that Steven is a hottie and comes across (in e-mail) as such a nice guy is just too good! Get these books and hopefully we’ll see a lot more books from Steven!!!!!!!

I actually went to Rome at stood at the edge of Circus Maximus, wandered INSIDE the Coliseum, and stood on a dirt road outside of a building with an Egyptian pyramid that in all liklihood any and all of histories most famous people once stood! After reading these book, after marveling at some of the movies made (like Gladiator), I felt an even stronger connection to that point in history. I gotta get back there!!!!!!!!

Cheers!