Today is my birthday and so far this year is turning out to be one of change. The things I am used to seem different and I feel it inside as well as out. I have been joking around saying that I am turning 36 because the idea of turning 42 is giving me chest pains. Age is not my freind.

The plusses of it all: Adolfo and I seems tobe doing better and better but that is not without its sacrifices; not all that bad though. Too intimate even for the diary… sufice tosay it’s all normal stuff that happens as a relationship progresses.

ANYWAY… now school is starting again in just over a week and I have been a victim of a really bad haircut yesterday!!! I decided I was going to get a new, edgier look, and went to the barber I have been going to for a while. Well, we were talking so much he was not paying attention and literally shaved the wrong part down to nothing and left me with stubble….. oh hell. So, I said buzz the best thinking I would get something more “military” looking than what I wanted; but I got death-camp survivor hair cut. Ugh!

The camera is no where tobe found right now so you’ll have to wait for a piccy.

One of my regrets for the year is how far freinds of mine have drifted. My schedule with school has out greater space between me and people. On the other hand there are people I have been holding on to in my heart that seem to have forgotten me and I feel a great sadness in myheart for it.

When I chose a person as my FRIEND (there is a special sereies of definitions for this word to me), that person is literally carved into my heart. Mikey, Ed, Woody… the tops of the chart who are living (some passed on) who are living their lives and have apparently moved on and forgot me.

There is a class of friends who came into my life and had that status in my heart, but I feel betrayed by them. A lot of my freinds have betrayed my trust and love and I feel pain in my heart each time I think of them; but no names on this list.

I have some freinds that are freinds, but nothing close. They aren’t people I have attached myself very strongly to though I really like them, they have not grafted themselves into my heart.

other freinds are more aquaintences than anything else, but I still enjoy spending time with them.

How does all this fit together? Why am I thinking about this so much? Well, I am thinking it is time to let go of some and move forward with others. Odd that some of the people I value most are seriously geographically distanced…. if that works it’s because of minimal expectations (???) or something like that.

Chippy called me with my Christmas gift. He told me from the heart that he valued my freindship and I really felt very good about that… it was one of the best gifts. He mayhave been drunk? …but it was still very nice.

Another long babbling entry. Thanks for reading if anyone still is????

xo

Last night I was cooking for the same client I have for the last 3 years. It was a nice! Adolfo came and helped me on this occasion. This is the second time Adolfo came and assisted and it was awesome. I was trying to play it cool in case they were wierded out over the fact we were homos… but no. Thank goodness it didn’t even come up.

Well, now I am at the Venetnain doing my daily routine again. Almost nobody came intoday. It’s like a ghost town. I am so not in the mood to be here, too.

We’re having a nice dinner tonight. I bought Squab and Black Truffles. Should be really nice when I get home and throw it all together. I’ll take more piccies and share them with you all.

This week is also my birthday… vomit! I’m going to stay in my thirties…. I decided this year. If I lose 2#’s for every year I am in denial I will be a teenager again! Yeah me!

The website is coming along as anyone who might be reading this can see. I’m already disatisfied which means it will change again… soo. I’ll be working on Blue Angel over the coming months as well… making it a pet project for School and more.

HaloNet.Net will evaporate into a closed chapter and possbily into something new. Blue Angel and Halonet will merge and if my restaurant ever comes to life.

Just a few days until Christmas… yeah. Nothing special though. I’m glad to have this time away from school for now. I wish I had more today right now… but words escape me.

Imagine that…

xo4now

the household seems to slowly return to normal… relatively speaking… as Adolfo is dealing with his mom’s passing. Odly, we still feel her presence and worry about the connectivity of the family. All the siblings have spread out over the country. The cohesiveness of it might have been lost with Rosa.

We only just started any form of Christmas shopping. The main person I bought for was Adolfo, but I managed to get the closest family memebrs something.

Christmas shopping could make a hard-core shopper like me sick. I was exhausted by the time I got home last night. I see so many people doing so much dumb shit. YET… I saw a lot of yummy boys walking around at the same time. Oh my!

On other notes… missing a lot of people. I miss hanging out with certain freinds. Kenny and I took off and I hung around while he shopped for Brian last night. I was cool just hanging out.

Worried about Sam… he is not returning my e-mail and is sitting in the dark somewhere clutching his knees … ugh! I wish I could help him and get him moving in the right direction. I guess it is my fault for buying him a ticket home. It was supposed to be a short trip. BUT, his crackhead freinds in LA are not there to help him at all. ARGH!!!

Missing you Ed. Thought of you last night George from Oz. Chippy!

… I’ll write more later…
….have you seen the updates at www.bookofuriel.com ?

I have been very busy with school and it is hard to believe, but I am very close to finals for this quarter. I am also happy that there is no school until Jan 8th so that means I’ll have about 3 weeks of time to get caught up on movies and work out more.

School and life has made it tought to workout. I feel pulled in several directions. Yet, I am trying to manage my time as best as I can. Unfortunately it is affecting my health! Right now I am fighting a bug and as medicated as I am I am still going to school FT, wroking FT, and doing some of my side business work.

It also goes along with my weight issues. I cannot seem to lose weight and I want to lose about 40#’s. (Chop off my head, huh?) I know it is a matter of disipline. I am willing to try… wanting to, but damn it’s hard. And all these people I know areound me have lost a lot of weight with Weight Watchers of all things!!!! Ugh!

I should be completely sick by Thanksgiving… because I can be. I am cooking a nice meal and will have some guests over. You’ll see pics!!!

xo

I bought a new car yesterday…. I was nervous to say anything until the paperwork was finished this afternoon. I am so stoked!!!! It’s a 2007 Element SC and it rides so smooth and it was loaded with some nice schtuff. I drive it every chance I can… but tomorrow I have to go to work and leave the little baby in the damn parking garage.

Adolfo likes it a lot too…. be jelous.

Kenny called it a Lesbian car.

Woody laughed at me so far… saying something to the affect that I lost my mojo.

Fuck you all.. ha ha ha… I love it. It’s the new me… a mojo-less lesbian!

I would like to see life make positive changes… I always feel adrift and these classes I have been taking have given me a little more self confidence. I also am really feeling a lot of pressure from my job… sometimes to the point of my own psychosis. I say this because the crap I have to deal with in this place would overwhlem anyone.

No… I’m not saying my job is better or tougher than yours… this is about me bitch.

So, Sam is back in L.A. and I am a little confused about his direction and what he wants to do. It is his life and I want to help him. It’s been mostly good having him here but it also a challenge to the rest of the peeepils in the house because I guess we got used to being so isolated. We love Sam a lot… he endeers to the heart.

I am so busy these days I am constantly tired. Between trying to keep up with school shit and working it’s all becaome a hell o a balancing act. Sleep is relative.

There are a lot of things in life I wish I could change. I would be closer to freinds and have more money enjoy life more… and lose a few pounds… ugh!!!!!

Another weekend in the dust… today is my Monday and it is hard to believe I will be returning to school in just a couple weeks. I am looking ahead with anticipation and fear of this new challenge. It will eventually include subject I may have to struggle with like coding and “programming” as it were.

Starting off I will be doing art, of all things, and graphic design. This is an area I have some strength in and will hopefully find some relief in starting off slowly.

Chef Hoffmeister was none too pleased when he heard I was coming back, but not in his program. I can fogure he sees me as a failure. I never planned on a career in Cluinary. I always wanted my own restaurant and doing to this school was a step in achieving that, but making a career out of this industry is absolutely insane.

The Sam v. Adolfo thing is not going too badly. They seem to politely avoid each other and I think Adolfo is not so thrilled that Sam and I get along so well. Sam is making life lighter, but he is also pointing out some real issues I have had with Adolfo.

See, Adolfo takes life way way too seriously and can be a real shit when it comes to just being. Suggestions are crapped all over while Adolfo is also scared of anything new. He is profoundly negative, which he seems to blame is sister for. I’m not so sure.

We had a long talk and though it could have gone horribly wrong Adolfo was pretty good about it and the rest of the day went well. Sam is a sweetheart and Adolfo is consistent… at least he tries… for the most part. Sam does talk incesantly and half the time I turn my brain off so I am partially listening.

Platapuss Feet…. ha ha ha … Sam has Platapus Feet