“Cupid has shot his arrow in your heart today, dear Capricorn, so snuggle up closely with the object of your desire. You will find yourself feeling more sensual and romantic than usual. Gourmet foods and fine wines should accompany you at the dinner table tonight. Realize that there may be an element of restraint that needs to get worked into the equation, but don’t let this stop you from having a good time.”

weird. Kiyo left today to go home after staying the night. We had a late night because we went to see Bourne Ultimatum on the latest show… my god it was good EXCEPT for the STUPID STUPID STUPID camera movement. That moron director had to be on crack the way he managed filming some of the most intense scenes. It was like the camera man was sitting in a jungle-gym and there were 40 kids jumping up and down all around him. Ugh!

So, why the word “weird”?

Well, Kiyo has been really sweet and I think he is getting into us being a “couple” as it were which is nice. I’m apprehensive only because I am still not working and I keep looking at my budget sinking into nothing. Ugh!

He’s also making me dinner tonight. I made dinner last night and all I had was some ground beef. I made patties and a peppercorn sauce with a mushroom ragout. He brought some tomatoes from his garden and some fresh Italian parsley and made a nice tomato salad with it. yum!

So I’ll grab some wine and hangout tonight. weird? Because this horoscope seems to be right on target again. This is just weird.

“Today is a fantastic day for you to take action, dear Capricorn. Your eagerness to strike out on new territory is being heightened by a drive to experience the new and unknown. Take an internal journey and see what kind of wonderful things you can discover. There is a tremendous strength inside you that does not always get a chance to show itself. This is the perfect day to prove your courage to the world.“

Above is my horoscope which I only just saw. Odd… and yesterday’s was concerning. But keep reading and see why this was so interesting.

Kiyo and I went out on the state today to look around at things and we ended up driving almost 8- miles away. We had lunch at the furthest point called Hood River. It was a good lunch and a good day. I had a burger with bacon and blue cheese. yum…

We went along the Columbia River that separates Oregon from Washington, but we were heading east. Kiyo wanted to show me some of the falls in the area, one of which is pictured. And, that is the river in the background. There were some beautiful sites, all nature, and it was a nice day of site seeing.

So, tonight we’re off to see Bourne Ultimatum. Yeah us!

“One of the important lessons of the day for you, dear Capricorn, is to remember that emotions are a powerful thing and that they should be recognized and honored. Do not discount your feelings. In fact, it is most important that you embrace them with your entire being. Once you relax and settle in to your true emotions, you will find that your mind is clear and that you can make conscious and rational decisions about whatever issues come your way.“

Well, this is confusing but I’m still a little puzzled? My horoscope for today…

“Adjustments may need to be made for you to relate well to people and situations today, dear Capricorn. Somehow things are a bit off kilter and you may find that the harder you try to fit in, the more you are apt to feel like an oddball. Try not to get caught up in other people’s battles and work to maintain a balance between real life and fantasy. Be careful that you don’t get so caught up in someone else’s world that you forget to deal with your own.”

This was my horoscope today… and this is exactly me. This is exactly my biggest social problem in Las Vegas, especially at my last job. You want to trust people and feel like you’re on the same team, but often you’re not. I consciously make an effort to separate myself from the dramas other people are making public. My last job made it very difficult, because people in my immediate area were always voicing their dramas about work and trying to rally people against other people. Gosh, I sit here thinking back and did not realize HOW MUCH people did that there. Oi Vay!

Speaking of which… I had a dream last night and the guy who was my bosses – boss was in my dream… (cold shiver).

ALSO on BofU.com… I still am getting the occasional jibes over my phone loss and my hand reaching into the abyss. Ew… shiver, cramp!

If you have not read yesterday’s blog, skip down and read it first.

I got a new phone today to replace the one lost into the blue abyss yesterday. My hand has been hurting since yesterday, too. I had some of that stuff on me and I worried I got poisoned from it or something like that. So, I asked my roommate (who is a plummer) and he told me probably not.

The comments I got on this adventure were hilarious. Even Uncle Eddie had to add his 2 cents.

Today, generally speaking, has been a horrible day and I am feeling shaky form the whole thing. I can;t say why. I have a headache and a generally bad mood. But, Kiyo and I are going out for dinner and I am looking forward to that above all things. yeah me!

so… I got back from Las Vegas today okay. It was a weird trip in some ways, but I am glad I went. My plane was late leaving SFO… which makes me wonder why they bother telling people what time that plane departs for LV because it has never once been on time anytime I flew it. … not the point though…

I got up at 4 am today (not that I could sleep anyway) to get to the airport and both my flights were right on time. Amazing! The flights were uneventful… lot’s of assholes being assholy… but what can you do??? Why are some people so inclined to act like such jerks????? (Shut up Adolfo, Woody, and a few others).

So… I go in to pee and “thunk” my phone dives right through the poop-shoot in the bottom of the toilet. There was no way I would have been able to get it. BUT! I tried. I actually put my hand down in there and felt wet, chunky water. Yes, I did.

I scrubbed my hands and gave up on ever seeing that phone again. I did not tell anyone… what is anyone gunna do? I could just see the big-mary’s face when I tell him and he says: you want it back now???? The answer is no. Can I afford a new phone??? no.

So, I am in class now with some dark blue stains on my skin. How nice! Wonder where that is from… stinky!

Annnnnnnnnnway… I saw Adolfo and Woody on this trip and missed everyone else. BUT, I had virtually no time to dawdle. I was pinched every moment I was in LV. I have barely slept in the last 3 days and my bitch ass is tired.

OMG he is just so fucking hot and sexy. hmmm….!

This is my Uncle Eddie… also known as the Eggman (www.edwardeggman.com) yo! This is him on any typical day chillin out in front of the house. I snapped a shot of him looking all sexy and stuff. not…

Another week down the shaft… 2 weeks into this new school and I am now certain that the adviser at the school made his program out to be something more than what it really was. He had me so frustrated that I was nearly ready to drop out of the program. In fact, I am considering it still.

I find Portland very comfortable in spite of the very odd population living here. There are a LOT of people who don;t shower. I mean some hot looking people who are some seriously deluded pigs. Not fat… I mean scanky hair action, dirt layered on their skin, and STINKY. AND NOT in bad areas, I mean in the best area of this city called the Pearl.

I’m in the Pearl daily because that is where my school is… so far life keeps taking me to this part of the city. I got lost and checked out other parts of the city and am ready to explore.

Yes, I sound happier today. I’m not bi-polar or anything like that. I’ve had days when I feel really lonely and dark on the inside and there are days when I am not. Granted, there are other factors.

I’m not a lost cause yet.

There are some days when I walk around and I feel like there is nothing inside of me. As I walked to school this morning from my distant parking spot… I had some time for inner reflection. I’ve had a lot of time for that lately and I see myself in ways that I seem to lose site of often. I get caught up in the dramas of the world and I let other people influence me too much.

In that, and with the events of recent years, I also discovered that my self esteem has really sunk. I was a good looking guy who had confidence and assurance. Along the way for reasons I have a hard time grasping I seem to keep running into walls. Forget all the people that keep telling me I’m not good enough… forget that I felt Adolfo kept me back from doing things… forget some of the stupid shit I did to earn money… forget any assignment of blame. Because in the end there is only me.

I came to Oregon for a change. I’ve been given a change of perspective. The emptiness I feel is that its time to just give up. I feel so empty and I feel like all the dreams I had for the future are disintegrating. As I get older those accomplishments and those desires are fading away. Along with my looks and my youth… all those things get further away. This is what happens when someone who is attractive in their youth gets older and sees life’s benefits sinking out of reach.

I also keep making huge mistakes in judgment and am left feeling god-smacked and then unable to recover enough to be the close to where I was before. Even now I feel like I am standing here scratching my ass over this move. I never imagined running out of money this fast or not having anything coming in. Already I have run into a lot of barriers that almost had me packing up and leaving a couple times over.

Still… here I am in school trying to learn something I am uncertain I have the capacity for? It’s amazing that I have maintained this grade point average of 3.6 and 3.7??? I get it. I’m not in a position to apply it in a lot of circumstances. I guess that is just another barrier.

So… if anyone takes anything dramatic out of this I am not suicidal or anything like that so get over that.