what a week! last saturday i let my blood sugar drop way way too low and was so dizzy, so I ate a quick bowl of cereal when I got home. It was a slow comeback, but then later I had dinner and felt better after. But then damn, my guts when nuts with diahrea and craps and woosiness. all of which i assumed had to to with the sugar thing. it went on for a few days – through thursday. the likely culprit was some chicken i got from sam’s club. tossed that out, been fine since i stopped eating it pretty much. ugh!

on top of all that – it’s allergy season. my ass is drugged up. i am drippy, sneezy, and sniffly. sexy huh?

starting to sound like one of those old people who only conversation is all their medical history. god i hate those people.

oh, and Tom-dog is suffering too. i think he has allergy problems as well… poor puppy is suffering. his eyes are already in bad shape with the gloucoma…

oh there i go again!

Life is just kinda wierd sometimes. As much as a person keeps setting goals to take them ahead, fate keeps kicking a guy in the balls. It’s just a reminder that we really have no control where we go and when we try to do it… well, it all either goes to shit… pear shaped… sideways.

I lost Adolfo last year and have been sitting on the fence trying to figure of it was the right thing or not. I got to the point when I came to terms that it was. Then I started thinking the separation/break-up was a learning experience for both of us. Now I am just not sure. I feel like I can move on for real… not like the move-on I thought I had six months ago when I was dating someone else for a short while.

I tell my buddies that I want a relationship… then a guy offers to come to town and hang for a weekend and I can think about it is all the other stuff I got to do.

I’m never satisfied. I’m never going to know what that is. god help me… ugh

right now a lot of life’s little things seem like they are a lot more than what they are. i am really unhappy being single. yet, at the same time, i am glad to have a little time on my own. i’m feeling squished between the dream of what i want and the reality of the day.

dating here has been a farce deeper than anything i ever experienced. my fear is that the complete dysfunction has become a part of who i am as well. i try and stay apart from the really obscene behavior of the majority of men here but it’s definitely hard. it’s karma.

ugh… now i am older and now i am underwater (metaphorically) and the water is not cleansing. i have some time to put into being here… then i need to go do something else. sucks man.

so i dream of romance and i dream of meeting a cool guy to hang with. hm.

“If you’re artistic by nature, dear Capricorn, expect a rush of inspiration to hit you today – along with an irresistible compulsion to start a new project and work, work, work until you can see at least some results. If you’ve never been artistic before, you may suddenly feel like giving it a try – perhaps using computer technology. Whichever it is, you’re likely to derive a lot of pleasure from your work, so go to it – and have fun!“

So, a big DUH to the above. They are not usually so vague and general. barf me out!

No Deb, it was not all about you my dear. I was venting… people suck in this town and I just have to expect nothing from anyone. I just hope anyone I call a friend is someone I can anticipate (not expect) more from. Oh well… xo

okay… now that is off my mind. …and before going to bed. People are so disappointing and with all the other shit life hands us on a daily basis it sucks people and society is so sucky to each other. Ugh! I am grateful for my friends and the FEW people I actually call friends. …very few.

Right now I know someone who is being a good friend and our friendship is pretty cool, that is Jon. There are many other friends but I am getting sleepy… and lazy.

so… I have not been inspired to do any writing here in a while. Someone … SOMEONE… sent me an email demanding some kind of response. I never have time for anything anymore between trying to get a social life as well as all the other obligations i have. Between school and work and trying to get some gym time… ugh.

Dating is impossible in this town. Guys are all flakes and no one has a socially oriented brain in their head except those that are on their knees at Hawks Gym.

And then let’s talk about people being social in general… damn people here are lazy lazy lazy fucking people who sit around getting fat in thier homes instead of socializing with other people. No one keeps commitments. No one interacts with other humans unless they are getting something out of it. Society is sure fucked up!

It’s not just Vegas… it’s everywhere. People are lazy fuckers. People don;t develop friendships they develop acquaintances.

So, this is what has been bugging me lately.

“ Spirit and soul may seem out of balance today. A part of you may be longing to break from society and live a more spiritual life, but worldly responsibilities and attachment to your current lifestyle might get in your way. These things don’t happen overnight, dear Capricorn. You have to let them develop in their own way, in their own time. Right now the keyword is finding balance between the spiritual and the material.“

after my posting I read this. yeah, I can see it. These MSN horoscopes have been pretty amazing.

each week seems to blur into the other and I forget to make entries here. It actually feels better in the head to let out a little of my thoughts here and chill out a bit.

basically, I have been approaching this year thinking I have to maintain a healthier lifestyle of some kind. Got back on a multivitamin and my dhcp. I am trying to work out as often as I can… took a Pilates class and a nice Yoga class this week. Both of them left my midsection sore for half a week.

I work ft and got to school t-f so there are 4 days of the week that are extremely difficult to get in to the gym. i can get in for a quickie after school… ‘cept this week i have been racing home to put together my entries for the student art show at school.

I submitted 3 art pieces and all three were accepted. Fab-u-lous… although I might have popped my cork had any one of them not been selected. My entries are totally awesome and are all available on my working site for Achtung Media Design (see side for link). It should be interesting!!!! I hope to shine this year since I feel that my pieces were above par!

Life is… a bitch. but I am trying to manage and trying to keep on some kind of course. I don’t have the luxury of fantasizing about life right now.. like traveling or living in a new place. I am bound to life I have for the next year at least. Then what?

If all goes well I can do something next year. If I graduate in 2009 as scheduled then I will have a new piece of paper to go on with life. Then with the culmination of new student loans and cloudy prospects I can continue living paycheck to paycheck barely making ends meat happily ever after. ho-hum.

Without the freinds I have I would be in a dismal state. Thank God for Deb and Jon. If Chippy were here it would be such a blessing. Some of my freinds have really been there for me recently and it’s been a blessing. Adolfo is a phone call away, I can kibbitz with him on some things, but I will see him next week to meet up with Karen.

Some of my friends are so far away. If Keith were here… if Chippy… if Kaidy….

…heavy sigh

“Paperwork regarding financial matters may need to be executed at some point during the day, dear Capricorn. You’re in the mood for some adventure, perhaps physical, perhaps romantic. You might be tempted to participate in tricky sports such as river rafting or fast downhill skiing, or you might decide to attend some group meetings and see what opportunities for contacts – not to mention romantic partners! – could come your way. Take care! Have fun, but move ahead with caution.“

Yep – mars must be in my space again. Yet, I constantly meet guys who are unavailable to me. Isn’t that just the way. Guys who are coming my way are Libra, Sags, and Gemini’s … all of whom are not compatible. Oh, Aries guys have been showing up too… not them either.

I’m tired. I’m going to bed. Life sucks again. xo

“Today you could receive word of a promotion or an exciting new challenge at work. Though this is something you have wanted for a long time now, you may hesitate to accept immediately. Could it be because your self-confidence is rather low right now, dear Capricorn? Don’t let that stop you! This feeling is only temporary, while the opportunity could develop into something quite long-term. Don’t lose your chance!“

My god these horoscopes are freaky… too accurate sometimes. This is exactly how I feel… and at work I am being presented with a project they want me to do that could be pretty impressive. wow…

Today sucked. The whole day sucked. It sucked on top of sucked naked in an ice bath sucky. Aw fuck.