So I uploaded a few more pics. This one amazed a lot of the veteran burners that were there becuase here was this house on wheels driving around the event. It was amazing to see. It had a steam engine and was called the Gothic House (or someting like that).

The pic above and below are related as you might consider it a before and after image. There is something romantic about the shot. I think Dave to both shots since my own pics were basically non-existant. I did a very poor job taking pictures. ha ha.

…hugs…

So, if you go scrolling back I have been doing more whining and kvetching about some of my recent relationships (not dating relationships but people I have friendships with). More directly, John – David – Mark. Well, the details of Mark are so far under the bridge it is completely lost now. Then John showed up here on Sunday and hung out. As he came through the door I told him he was a douche and why I thought so, but it was like talking to a wall. Then yesterday, I dropped by David’s house and asked him wtf???

Well, David had some valid issues with me. There were some misunderstandings and we cleared the air on some stuff – so who the F knows what will come of it all.

So, I am stuck in some new space. On one hand I really feel like I have no friends here; like a Tonto to my Lone-Rangernousness. I really enjoy my burners, but I feel like they are more family then anything else. I also have noticed that no matter how close I thought I was to some of them I am still outside of arms length.

One person – I thought we were becoming friends – only to find out only I felt that way. Which was a bummer.

I have began establishing my goals for the new year starting this month and I am already seeing results on all fronts. It feels good, because there is nothing to stop me from succeeding.

1. Lose 50#’s over the next 6 months
2. Get into a relationship with someone right
3. Find my career path

Simple stuff, Mary! At least I hope so while I figure out my next major step. I am getting some mixed messages from the universe and coldly Fate is not giving me a clear destiny. I hate living here. I have life here. I make money here and I have a good thing with the burners. I put all that on a scale and got nut’in’.

Going to bed now…

This is a good shot of BAM BAM’s art car with me on it getting ready for the Orange Party that was starting shortly after sunset. Funny how people will ask me about what Burning Man is all about and I cannot still explain it. Truth is Burning Man is personal and it is what you bring to it.

Mason Dave snapped this shot while I was shooting video on top of this tower. My video has not been published because some people have already made some awesome vid.

This video embodies my expereince – but they were a couple notches up! These little hotties had a good – ass – time and set it to some good – ass – music.

One of my favorite pics with me and the girls. This was some naked point of the day… ha ha ha; because I am naked and getting hugs!

And this is the Neighbors Dog art car Mel and Cam brought; it barks constantly. It’s the neighbors dog… get it????

And this was center camp where I spent much of my time and the place I found a sense of Zen I really needed.

It has been a tough week. Last week I spent 8 days in the fantasy land that is Burning Man where the world outside virtually ceased to exist. I did have to worry about rent, but there was no technology to rely on. Sep 2nd I took a bus from Burning Man to Gerlach, NV so I could find a cell tower… then call out and make arrangements for my rent. All is well…

On the other hand, given my propensity for whining, I guess I would be remiss to note how hard it is getting back into the flow of things. Tuesday I was a lump all frigging day. Wednesday, I got some steam and ran some appointments plus got in a yoga class! yey me!

Today am trying to do some more stuff and should be back in the swing of things tonight… I hope.

Basically, I wanted to make a note today expressing the conflict of the Burning Man life with the real world. I may have let too much energy go into that journey, but in the end I am counting the rewards received from that journey taken.

Last night I discovered a web site for Burners who are single and they bar poly people and swingers… I was stunned. It was a direct reversal of what many of the burners I got to know were telling me about this culture, so there is hope.

In the next year I am setting some goals for myself and making new plans. Whatever fate hands me I am going to start taking some of the reigns back and make this new year a personal achievement. Yes, I will be going back to Burning Man. Yes, I would invite you to join me. Make life what you want…

…no whining please.

HEY!!!! YOU… reading this…. Use comments below to add your feedback and please use your name. Blogger rocks and is worth checking out. Cya!

My time at Burning Man was a great lesson in my own life about me. I took some perspective of the world around me by visiting a new world. Burning Man is a trip to another planet. There is no doubt – what-so-ever- – that seeing and experiencing these people had an impact on my life.

People hug there when greeting and sometimes for no reason at all. When two people bump into each other – get in each other’s way, or spill something some hugs or says it’s okay or offers to help clean it up. People are generally open to each other without a single negative vibe.

You accept a person for being a freak if they want to be a freak. People who are destructive are forced to leave. Radical self expression becomes the norm. Me being a fat – socially awkward – middle aged man is still okay, where in the gay world I am still supposed to be rejected.

Gays at Burning Man are more at peace because it is as if we are suddenly more welcome socially and the sexual lines between us and them is much grayer! They are the sexual deviants and we somehow became more mainstream. Girls flip for girls on a dime.

Eh… there is always next year. My brain is a little friend. I am still a little ill from food poisoning from Burger King. PLEASE READ MY TRIP REPORT!

i am back from Burning Man now… on the way home we ate at Burger King in Tonopah and were posioned. Nacie also says she is not feeling well. With that and other obligations today, I am not feeling much motivation. I expected to feel differently about a lot of stuff given ALL the refelction I did while away.

There is nothing in my way to be succesful right now and I still feel like a total loser. I am drowning in my own filth and cannot swim hard enough to get very far above the surface.

While at BM I did a lot of thinking … I also did a lot of thinking about the people I know. Seems like freinds are constantly letting me down and I cannopt count on anyone. I have to stand on my own, but I find myself wanting someone in my life more than ever.

I wrote a long thing about BM on the myBurn page over in the menu column. It will be posted today soon after this goes out. I am also going to make some entried on the Burning Man blog my Journey > also seen to the right.

Basically I am just at a loss and feel like I cannot do anything right. I feel really alone and last night this food poisoning was really screwing with me. I was so sick.

People often act like they care more than they really do and here in Vegas I find myself distinctly adrift. I miss having friends and people around that are there and give a shit. Guess that is asking a lot? Guess it is asking a lot for having dinner with a friend or to be able to go for a hug.

On top of all that I am caught between a rock and a hard place because it fees like a lot of people in the burner community actually have been sensitive and caring. Yet, I feel like all the time I spent with some of them this week they were just sick of me by the end.

Ugh, I am not a drama queen. I am venting. I had an amazing time last week and made some great contacts. I felt so fortunate to be around many of those people (most of them anyway). Bam Bam was so caring and watched my back when we were out there. BATT was so sweet. So many great energies.

Now I want something more. I need something else…

I have done a lot to prepare for this journey and have made a lot of life changing decisions in the last year to be at this point. Getting through Burning Man is going to be a launching platform into a new year for me. I am already defining what that year will be and what those priorities will take the form of.

I am certain I will make Burning Man next year if there is one. I think there is too many people invested in this monster to let it die, but them old codgers running the show might be getting tired.

Even our local community seems to be having a funeral right now. Although we have a truly magnificent placement and camp at Burning Man this year, the local people who drive a lot of the events are taking a powder. There are a lot of reasons in the air and the worst of them is politics and hurt feelings.

I personally have managed to avoid politics and conflicts that always exist in groups. It is funny, because on a couple of occasions someone tried talking to me about it all and I found a reason to be somewhere else. Ha ha ha….

God I love these people, but I am staying out of the cross-fire. This comes as I want to get some of my people together and plan the DEMCOMPRESSION. I have a bunch of ideas and I want to do something to raise money for the group to take care of some things.

Sigh… in less than a week I will be at Burning Man.