I tend to let this thing slide because I am going in too many directions at a time and just need to let people – who give a shit – I am still alive. And I am!
Yes, still with “C” and we are fast approaching year 1 together and this is my best relationship ever. We have had some shit-storms but what relationship hasn’t.
Still working and details on that are at www.RedCarte.com where I have managed to create more posts than here recently. At least there you can see pictures of the stuff I made.
The first holiday of the season was a ship-wreck (Thanksgiving), but more details on that soon too. I need to update this fucking page.
I have found a new sickness… called Tumblr. But I might add something tonight that will feed into this site, too. Mucho naked boys that make me 8===O boink! Talk soon!
Author Archive: scott.kay
Repost from: Queer Burners Trip Report
While this site continues to be a launching platform for Queer and Queer Adjacent members of the Burner Culture it also has an intent to keep the 10 Principles alive in our day to day living. Whether you also include the 10 commandments, Buddhist beliefs, Kaballah, Torah, or whatever the 10 Principles are merely ideas for community living.
The following is a different kind of trip report and talks about a lot of things. There are criticism but there is also a lot of appreciation for a lot of work people did to achieve something amazing. This is a single person’s point of view and you are encouraged to add comments or write your own trip report with all your exciting stories.
Burning Man (Fertility 2.0)
The theme itself, this year, left us somewhat perplexed at first trying to figure our how the LGBTQ++ community fit into it. We did studies, videos, testimonies and in the end there was very little of the theme in the scope of the event n the delivery. It came across a little 2d unlike recent years like “Rites of Passage” and “Evolution” that had an umbrella of possibilities and translations to art and culture that were represented on the playa.
Keep in mind that there was …WAS an estimation of 70% of ticket sales went to people with no previous affiliation with Burning Man either in theory or pARTticipation who – in all likelihood – did not know how to bring it. Many probably learned while it seemed that many fled early from the event. Fled? Yes, wicked dust storms scared off the less sturdy and left us with a max attendance at one point of 52,000 or so people; less than last year and way short of the 60,000 tickets actually sold.
Bottom line, there was a great deal of success to the event because as the vacationers fled the play ground became a lot more burner-centric; which means experienced burners slowly became a majority again. This also includes de-burgined newbies that embraced the scope of Burning Man principles and will be coming back. Joy.
Nomenclature
This year we had a very strong Gayborhood thanks to the placement team at Burning Man HQ and (finally) someone listening to some LGBTQ++ concerns with the influx of new people that might further inflame some homophobic issues in the past. So far there has been no direct reports of those problems but we will be seeking feedback from the community moving forward.
The Gayborhood basically started around 7:00 and E in the city stretching back to approximately 7:30 and F; not to exclude anyone just outside that zone. Some of us started calling the surrounding area the Gayburbs. Camps in the Gayborhood included:
- Comfort & Joy
- Camp Beaverton
- Gender Blender
- Camp Montage
- Celestial Bodies
- Dusthaven
- AstroPups
- Camp Crack Whore
- Camp Stella
- Glamcocks
- Quixote
- Camp Blo Pop
- Down Low Club
- Poly Asylum
The Gayburbs on the other hand was a little more spread out. This might be a new term coined this year, or recycled, who knows. But there were an awful lot of Queer Pride Rainbow flags out there flying. Some had the word PACE on them which is the Italian word for Peace. Some of those camps included:
- Motel Paradise
- Tiny’s Lounge
- Yes, Please
- Vietnamese Coffee Camp
- Camp Conception
- Area 69
- Run Free Camp
- Camp Homoerectus
Wait? Is that all? No… there were a lot of camps, either overt or not, that surrounded the area who were self identified queer camps or queer-adjacent.
Gayburbia was a term that we came to agree to call the far off smaller circle of gay camps on the other side of the city that 2 years ago was coined the Gay Ghetto. The fine folks at the center of that area over near 4:00 and J was Burner Buddies. These were smaller, more clustered groups who camped close to each other for “safety” purposes. That was the exact word used. Queer camps that could look out for each other through the event.
Placement
Huge thanks to Placement for their continued follow up, interaction and support to the queer and queer friendly camps at Burning Man. Rev. Bloodshot was the star player in the placement team who was extremely active in making sure there was support and security included in the placement of the Gayborhood.
The outstanding work and follow up by this team was a topic of discussion among the Queer Burner Leaders and generally agreed that they deserve huge levels of appreciation.
Processes
Without a doubt getting in and getting out of Burning Man was a win-win. A one to three hour max Exodus has not been experienced in nearly a decade and talk about a finely executed ballet. I was traveling with Foxy (Mayor of Camp Beaverton) and we both anticipated a 6 to 8 hour wait along with our newbie Uniboob (just kidding Sarah) and were braced for the long wait and we rolled right out without a single pause or surge.
Streets: Traversing the city, though huge, was very well laid out as usual though the roads were in BAAAAD shape by Friday. The ruts were deep and teeth chattering on most bikes and some art cars.
Toilets: maintained remarkably well and occasionally decorated and left smelling of lavender by wonderful fellow burners.
Center Camp: The strongest and best year of my experience, plus a great haven from the dust.
Law Enforcement
In 2011 with an increase in population there was an increase in Law Enforcement (aka L.E.). With the addition of 10,000 tickets sold for a sold out venue you better believe there was even more police presence out there. If you were paying attention, there ‘seemed‘ to be a lot of police activity. Specifically, they appeared to be searching for illegal substances.
Camp Poly Asylum was raided by police and dogs and apparently little was found. Was this harassment or was this an honest attempt to discover behavior that endangered the camp as a whole?
One member of my camp was stopped at the front gate and was subjected to a dog search of his car even though he has nothing to do with drugs.
However!!!! (Taken right from Burners.Me)
For an event with a peak attendance of 52,385, attended by eagle-eyed Law Enforcement Officers by the hundreds, Burners did incredibly well at keeping the peace, staying out of trouble, and obeying the law.
According to the Associated Press, this year’s scorecard was:
- 22 Arrests
- 230 Citations for drug and other violations
- 441 verbal warnings for everything from speeding to washing their hands and dishes on the playa
Well done Burners – except for 22 of you – and well done LEOs.
In comparison to previous years, there were more arrests but fewer citations. Here’s some recent statistics regarding arrests and citations at Burning Man 2010 and 2009.
2010- 293 citations; 8 arrests
2009- 287 citations; 9 arrests
I found one site on the Internet claiming that in 2011 is that there were 4 arrests for battery. However this site says:
2011 – 42 citations; 3 arrests – this might only be the BLM though and not include County cops
(end – Burners.Me repost: it was too good not to share. There is more if you will to follow the link in the header of this section.)
Who’s Who
Before the last 10,000 tickets went on sale there was a projection that about 70% of the people attending this year would be people who have never been experienced to Burning Man or it’s culture; 10 Principles and more. Even with the additional 10,000 tickets the event became sold out. Yes – selling out for the 2nd year in a row.
Who actually attended this event that resulted in 52,000 attendees which is way short of the 60,000 tickets sold? It should also be noted that a lot of those bucket list burners could not take the extreme conditions of the dust and wind and went home with their tails tucked.
- 40% returning and contributing Burners
- 20% ravers and crackheads looking to party
- 25% circuit queens
- 15% posers / tourists / people abducted
*strictly subjective
The above is all in good fun. It is as accurate as what the Huffington Post published last year from Oscar Remundo’s popular blog.
Enculration: Did it work?
Many camps had processes in place to make sure Burgins staying with them were enlightened with an understanding of the 10 Principles and how they applied to their stay at Burning Man and their camp. Among the toughest to make this culture work for their newbies was Comfort & Joy, Camp Beaverton and AstroPups.
MOOP: There was still a lot of MOOP (Matter Out Of Place) out there; basically littering. However, it seemed that there was generally less crap blowing around this year than I saw last year.
pARTticipation: There was the usual great participation out there that makes the city what it is. It did seem, from personal observation, that there was a little more active recruiting to help out between experienced burners.
Art: There was a notable lack of creativity on the playa save the amazing CORE projects out there on some level. While a few pieces really stood out: (note: this is a personal observation)
- Shipwreck w/ The Pier
- Mumuration (Queer Project)
- Aztec Calendar
- …and the new Orbitron*
*from the people who brought you Cubitron in previous years.
Theme Camps
New standards were breached on amazing camps! There was some definitely excellent work that went into many of them. Although we are a world of radical inclusion, non-judgyness,some should genuinely be rewarded for their amazing work:
Most Welcoming Ambiance
- Comfort & Joy
- Beaverton/Gender Blender
- AstroPups
- Celestial Bodies
Best Construction
- Comfort & Joy
- Glamcocks
- BaalMart
- Celestial Bodies
- Motel Paradise
Most Chillin at Home Vibe
- Yes,Please
- Camp Conception
Best Entertainment
- Comfort & Joy: Friday’s Full Moon & AfterGlow Party
- Burner Buddies: post Gay Pride celebration
- Camp Conception: Thursday’s Dance party with DJ Dan
- AstroPups: Wednesday Night feat. Rocket Collective
- Down Low Club: Monday Official Meet & Greet
- Celestial Bodies… every night
Radical Inclusion and Intimidation
One of the best camps for creating a welcome atmosphere, certainly the most successful depending on your point of view, has been Comfort & Joy. I witnessed people from all corners come into their camp and structures because they provide such a secure and safe space.
This could be said very much the same for a camp like Celestial Bodies who attract a very eclectic crowd and have a loving and special atmosphere; AstroPups and Down Low Club were very open.
While some camps are not open to street traffic through the week it is usually relatively clear who those were. Camp Conception hosted an amazing party on Thursday night and were raffling off some amazing art pieces; but visiting the camp felt awkward.
Glamcocks had this amazing open structure, they hosted and published some top notch parties, but in my 3 visits there it never felt welcome. I observed a lot while visiting and it felt very cliquish.
PLEASE DO NOT BE OFFENDED… this is a perception and one held from a removed point of view. I have and had no agenda other than working on networking camps so be can be supportive with each other and develop a better leadership collective.
Flow is important for a camp setup and clear boundaries for what is welcome space versus private space. Nectar Village is very good at defining these boundaries. A host or an active engagement with people visiting the camp can mean a world of difference if you have the people in your camp that flower in this area.
On another note: I received an email from a recognizable member of our community who complained he went to one of the above mentioned camps and was ignored; C&J. Upon reflection I realized I feel the same in some camps, but it is up to me to engage people in order to socialize. This is radical Self-Reliance in motion.
A host can be a great tool, but sometimes you (the individual) have to make the first step. As much as one can feel like they are not welcome at a camp, the camp and the individual each have the power to embrace someone new into their world.
THE BURNING MAN EVENT
Finally, with all the blah blah blah above we get into talking about Burning Man (Fertility 2.0) 2012. As this trip report it concludes with a solid thumbs up. The Gayborhood was a huge success to itself, but it is one element of the whole city. The Gayborhood was really a village that was larger than any other with Comfort & Joy and Beverton/GB at the nucleus of it.
Although the art was not quite up to par as years before there were some memorable pieces that includes the Pier with Shipwreck and a queer project called Murmuration. Yet, the CORE project (all 34 of them) were the best ever seen before (it is only the 2nd year for CORE).
Socially, queer camps really brought it big time and in pockets and in the Gayborhood we had branches that constantly reached into the city and welcomed anyone and everyone to participate along with us including the Gay Pride parade and a Naked Pub Crawl; which totally rocked. OMG Duck Pond was a hoot with their giant slip ‘n Slide.
The vibe was very different and though it might have felt a little foreign at the beginning of the week it felt very familiar by the end. Huge thanks to Placement at BMorg and the Exodus team. No no no… the whole freaking outfit!!!! Recovering from the ticket explosion in January to such a successful finale was sheer brilliance.
[source: QueerBurners.Com]
Some words
I don’t feel like I get very many good pics of me.But then again, I am feeling a little deflated because I have not been able to go to the gym or even take care of much during the week. I need to get my ass to the doctor about this whip-lash.
Yes, the emergency room doctor said I had whip lash. After the accident I sat at my desk at home and could feel the muscles stiffening. I panicked and went to the doc. The vicatin has been a loser… so I tried going today but could not get out of work.
What’s with the picture up top? I like it… hides my muffin top… someone called me that at Burning Man this year. OMG I was so annoyed. But dammit… I am middle aged and look fucking hot. HA HA HA HA
A week ago – I got hit by a bus
A week ago Friday I got hit by a bus while riding a bike I recently got. I got the bike right before Burning Man and started riding it the week I returned.
I got off work at 4pm and was on my way home. I usually ride down Chestnut to Van Ness in order to avoid the hill climb. There is always a hill, but most street through Pac Heights are way too steep for a bike.
I rode down Chestnut, turning up on Van Ness. The first intersection is a little tricky because I have to cross traffic to get past Lombard street.
I don’t know exactly where I first came to be in the bus’s path but I noticed he pushed past me to get to his stop but crossed my line of traffic far enough before me that I mere noticed his action, but did not think much of it.
The second time he cross my line of traffic closer and I went around him while he was picking up passengers and pulled into the x-walk ahead of him. I do remember thinking to myself… if I am in this guy’s way I will steer clearer to the right as the light was changing. I could see the crossing light was changing, so I mounted the bike and rode wide letting the bus go by before entering traffic.
At this point we were heading up hill on Van Ness and as I closed in on Jackson I ended up ahead of the driver again and he cut me off very much closer to get to his stop at Jackson. It was so close that I stopped at his right read tail light and took a picture of his bus number thinking I might call MUNI and complain about him. I was, at least getting concerned as all these events were adding up.
I rode around the left side of the bus and called the driver an expletive/racist word – yeah I know I should not have. I had no idea if he heard me or not, but I just kept riding.
He pulled up along side of me looking at me through the door of the bus as we were approaching Clay Street. I tried to ignore him. As I continued in my line of traffic he pulled ahead and merged against me. I was coming up on the left corner of a parked car at the time. I saw a rear view mirror sticking out I was trying not to hit and ended up against the wall of the bus.
I was dragged along the wall of the bus, over the rubber accordion section of the bus, and then off the metal panel behind it. I rolled off just passed the parked car and avoided hitting the ground just barely.
The bus paused just at the other side of the intersection of Clay and Van Ness. I could see the brake lights. Then he continued on.
I called the police and reported the situation to a motorcycle policeman and a MUNI investigator.
The policeman noticed before I did an abrasion on my my left elbow, which was closest to the bus. There was no other evident damage or injury until the policeman noted two divots in the back of my helmet.
I did ride home and as I went into my bedroom immediately after I started feeling soreness and stiffness in my neck and left shoulder. So, I went to the emergency room the the Ft. Miley V.A. and saw a doctor who diagnosed me with whip-lash and gave me vicadin.
I have not ridden my bike since because of discomfort and a loss of security when riding. I have chosen not to while I deal with this whip lash.
I am scheduled to see another Doctor on Tuesday.
Back from Burning Man
I arrived back in San Francisco in the weeeee hours of Tuesday morning (about 3:00 am) and had to be off to work by 6:00 am. The drive home took 2x longer than getting there. And no, not because of Exodus, as an experienced Burner might suggest, because it took less than an hour to leave Burning Man on Monday afternoon.
I had a smashing time with Foxy and Sarah on the way back… my Jewish Jersey Girl and my Essex Brit Girl… I kept hearing the theme from Anywhere is Essex in my head when we were hanging out… but that means nothing really (bad Brit reality show).
I have been exhausted and feeling under the weather all week. But today I feel fairly strong. With the exception of being hit by a bus yesterday… yes for real.
I will talk more about my trip here and on www.QueerBurners.com as the days progress. I have so little time.
Here’s the deal… me going to Burning Man
So, I had pretty much given up the idea of getting to Burning Man this year but Freddy called me and got me all stoked. Why did it take so long?
The problem is that if I go and do it wrong it will be very bad for me financially. That is, I could end losing a job I want and love. I will need to be gone for about a week and a half from a restaurant that is just opening.
How do I do it???
Finances
My current budget does not give me much room for making this journey but there are ways to afix that and Freddy has suggested I fly down into Vegas and ride up with him and Mike. That could work nicely. AND, the fact I could lose my job over this is additionally troubling.
My Mom
My mom has threatened to kill me if I go… yes, she has the right to. She brought me into this world she can take me out.
My Art Project
Have to get to the playa somehow and before opening (Saturday at the latest) as I am also trying to get early entry passes. I need to see if there is someway to get the project transported there for me and get help setting it up… if and only if I can get placed in Center Camp. I am not prepared for a playa art project. Alternatively, I will place it at camp with directed lighting… or not at all.
Help?
Is there someone or someones out there that might be able to help on any level?
- transporting the art piece
- making a donation to help with my transportation …
- then… will I have to look for a job?
ugh…
When I read back to some of my posts I feel my stomach drop. Not that anyone is really reading these posts… but it’s all good. …sigh
it’s broken
I have seen people walking around in this life and thought – he’s broken. You can see some people are stuck. Some people are still in the 70’s, 80’s or trapped in their own inability to latch on to life and move forward. Was it tragedy? Was it success in a certain time they glomed onto; like being really popular in the 70’s and are still trying to hold onto it. Or was it a tragedy that stopped them from growing?
Do you know what I mean or is it something only I see? I can say that honestly because in spite of some medications I take that kill my mental abilities I typically can really trust my senses. Seeing someone halted can’t be just a third-eye sort of thing.
Yesterday I was walking home from work and caught my reflection in a shop window and realized something… I am broken. The thought was like time slowed abruptly. It was like my mind cleared and a lot of the debris was shoved off the table. It was a shock.
Who am I? no… who was I am where am I now?
As I mentioned it was like a lot of debris was knocked off the table. The banquet table on my life was full of junk, rust, pack-rat stuff. It was as if the table was upset and some of the junk started falling off.
A lot of things started polling through my head as I wondered to myself… where and how have I become broken?
I said quite clearly earlier this year (I think) there is no more time for regrets [1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ] . I have carried too many for too long. Being upset about bad decisions of the past and letting go of them have not completely freed me in the present.
I have fallen down so many times and managed to get up. At times I have put the gun to my own head and pulled the trigger over and over. Following the links in the previous paragraph it becomes easy to map the stumbles and falls. I am also intensely aware of my failures and the memories of my father’s words… all pieces of junk on the table.
Broken
So, I am broken. I led a charmed life up to a certain point when Fate decided I had enough and was not giving back. My guardian angel (or whatever) seems to be sitting back and only jumping in on the serious shit.
I am broken. I have fallen and am struggling to get back up. I am swimming in the deep end with a diver’s weight belt on. The entry I made a couple weeks ago feeling like I was at the end of my rope is still on my mind.
Shifting
The plates under my feet slide apart when I look at this reflection in the glass while walking up the street. For hours after, I literally felt like my brain was a hard-drive rebooting. I really saw this reel of my life and saw something screaming at me I could hardly imagine being true. Maybe my burning man life was a fall-down moment for me. Certainly the partying that went a long with it. But, I am grasping what all this means still and will tell more in the future.
Based on my past entry
Well, I had some ideas to write something that fettered out my thoughts once again, but this one will start based on my last entry. CK and I have had a lot of little fights here and there, usually due to one form of personal insecurity or another. I think it happens when 2 people are in a may/december romance like we are.
I am 47 and CK is 31. Not a huge difference, but reality is he could be my son. If I were a Chinese guy. I have to remember that my anxiety and depression cannot always take control of my senses.
Last Friday night I really jumped down his throat and I was being really unfair. I am learning I need to pause and appreciate him. He loves me and I got to embrace it. I love him and he embraces it. We really have captured something special and I hope to see it continue to grow.
I do, I admit, hate aging like I am. Inside I am struggling to avoid being a grouchy old fart. I have that bit of extra chin fat that is driving me absolutely insane. I see it in every reflection around me. It drives me nuts.
Anyhoo.. I am just saying that I am okay and we are okay. CK won’t let me post anything about him online anywhere but I am waring him down.
Singel Again?
Last night had another big fight with C. Not sure what it was about or where it was coming from. BUT, I felt a million miles away from his last night.
I have been thinking about our future again and not staying in the present. Even in the present I wonder why, after 5 months and with the intensity we have been going at, why he has not been able to tell me that he “loves” me.
Why do I want or need to know that this is in his heart when I suspect it is there already. But then again, temptations of the flesh have been on the rise with me and that desire for infidelity is usually a sign for me that things are not going so well sexually.
In fact, we have not had a meaningful sexual experience together in a while. I hate the idea that our relationship is dependent on sex… but if something is wrong in bed that always fucks things up doesn’t it?
There is his drinking which has been a demon in our relationship. My mom was an alcoholic and I might be a little sensitive on that subject. He does not handle his booze well. This is why I firmly believe pills are so much better! (snicker… sarcasm)
Well… anyone if anyone is paying attention. There I am. Venting. My moody whiny ass just venting. I think C and I are basically done… unless we talk and figure out if I am looking for the wrong things out of this.