It’s been a while since there was any communication and it is probably better that way as long as things are the way they are. All the reasons it seems you, Sandy and Lynn seem to think I walked away are whatever you can imagine. I know the things I heard are wrong, but it […]
I made no secret about the self improvement things I have been working on since the beginning of the year. Books, practices and more. I am not faced with putting that into action and actually making something out of my life. It is mother-fucking hard to figure out what is right. Seems like I feel […]
Yep, I am back there again. Yep, really feeling like the world is slipping out from under my feet. As much as feel like I am struggling there is a conflict of reality basically telling me I am not good enough and a failure; it’s a familiar voice. I am drowning and I am a […]
My mom called to say a bill collector looking for me called my biological sister looking for me??? I have not talked or communicated with her in decades. Insane. I have walked away from some pretty awful family. That is my sister and my father. Step dad Bob was a better dad than mine ever […]
I am a miserable human being on this planet these days mired down in what I think is everyone’s expectations of me. Not exactly making a great proclamation right now. I have almost never been that person… I tried not being anyway. I have walked to my own beat and I am one of those […]
Late into the night and getting ready for bed. How is it I am 48 years old, going on 49, and still trying to figure myself out. What sucks is, I can;t blame all my bullshit on a crap relationship with my father. Somewhere along the way I will find my groove. Pee – Ess […]
I saw this today in a stupid commercial… but it’s what is missing when a lot of people look at me and the things I do. “A lot of people” seem to exclude a lot of faeries and burners I know… but… “Normal can never be AMAZING” In spite of how much people have wanted […]
I have seen people walking around in this life and thought – he’s broken. You can see some people are stuck. Some people are still in the 70’s, 80’s or trapped in their own inability to latch on to life and move forward. Was it tragedy? Was it success in a certain time they glomed […]
I went on a rant in one of three posts I made today. Earlier a post about my father was supposed to be about the bike ride. The correlation is this. My father was a creep with porn, being naked with other people, and just general perviness my whole life. Growing up I was exposed […]
It’s hard to put things into perspective sometimes when you think the end of the world is upon you. ‘There for the grace of God go I‘ is something I have often said. I see homeless, drug addicts, crack heads and worse out there who have it a hell of lot worse. Today Sucked Balls! […]