Today I began examing my diet a little better. As some of you know I have been struggling a bit. I first really mentioned it during Terry’s birthday in May. Since August first, I tried taking this exercising thing more seriously. I thought I was before, but I may have been deluded.

Chck this out… this month I started to monitor a few things to see where I was going with dieting. My Chart is interesting. Today I wrote down most of what I consumed and added the calories and fat intake.

This is all part of my Goals clarification as well. I am working on what I need to accomplish as well. Those goals have been gaining structure as well. I made some important updates there and have already began making some accomplishments.

Thanks to Gary, thanks to Brian, I have renewed fire in my commitments. Adolfo has been limited help… infact he has been more of a barrier… but I love him anyway. I think he subconsciously wants me fat because it makes him more secure that I am not out looking for more ass; cock or what have you.

He needs to watch his own ass so he doesn’t balloon out. He is a petit 120#s and is heavier than we first started dating.

I still feel that we would be better off living somewhere healthier and happier. The weather is as harsh as the life here. I am so over Las Vegas.

My thoughts: As I was typing this Allan was talking to me through chat. He told me about something completely stupid he did! Then he praddled on and on over it… but I have no sympathy right now. He wants to fuck up his life I cannot stop him.

Sam and I talked on-line today, too. From my view, Sammy has been in a seriously bad relationship with someone who sounds more like a monster than a human being. Sam is no innocent flower himself. Still, it kills me inside to feel like he is being torchured; whether self initiated or by a nut-case boy freind. Still, I fear he is playing me… at the same time I want to be a freind. I really deeply cared about him once.

Sam is smart and crafty. Sam was self sustaining and spiritually driven; which I admired most about him. He was sexy and a tease. I liked that, too. However, as far as I know, Sam never accepted the normal responsibilities of life and never assumed a structure of evolving himself into a functional adult. He as aliented his family, but having met some of them I have a sense they are waiting for him to make the first move. People like them never completely give up on family.

So, I told Sam he could come to vegas and get his stuff together. I hope I do not live to regret that choice. I care about the man, but he has to care about himself first.