A girl at work asked me a question today: “Do you have any regrets?” I answered “yes” immediately… it was a simple question to me. I have fell into several pit-falls in my life and have made a variety of wrong turns. I did not fixate on it, but she continued asking:

So, I told her the first regret was getting out of the Air Force when I did. I believed in Ron Reagan and the wealth of jobs waiting for me when I would leave the service after 6 years. The truth is I ended up living in a house with a hole in the roof the size of a volkswagen bug… I was getting $50/week from unemployment to live off of. It was the first of several wrong decisions in life I can recall.

Frightfully, I am drawn into reflection of my pitfalls. I have been impulsive and rash on some decsions, but amazing enough I have come out of it like a phoenix before decending in ash once again.

I would like to see my fire rise again as I feel I am in a huge transitional state. I have been in this limbo before, but I have been less effected by it previously. I feel frustrated and misguided. I am weighted down and restrained to the earth. I feel like I should be flying instead of crawling like granite.

Although this may sound dramatic… this hand may be overly played… I am preparing to go to bed and start a new day tomorrow.

1. Leaving the Air Force in 1989

2. Breaking up with Ron Herrera when / how I did.

3. Hurting John Bumanlag’s feelings.

4. Hurting Bill Torres feelings … I loved them.

5. Killing a rabbit when I was a kid (I was 10).

And there are some far less significant things it is impossible to put into words. They have to do with some of the sexual adventures I went on through life… not of them brought me happiness.

Anyway… til next time.