The affects of SFO are still with me. I feel like I am looking at the worked differenly… but the thing is that I have not really changed. It’s like being possesed and watching Scott physically interacting with the world and the little possesed conscience inside of me watching like a third party.

I had a hissy fit Wednesday night when some shit in our pantry fell down on top of me. It was a realization that WHO I AM and what I would like to be are two different animals.

I want to be more comfortable in the world and feel like I can be, just not in the PLACE where I am right now. This job is a challenege…. odly enough I feel a little more comfortable in my own skin here… but still out of place.

I had to expereince IT once again if for nothing else then to realize once more that I still… still. still… STILL am busy looking at the greener grass thinking I could have that too. I have always had that problem with reality. I have always been so pre-occupied with what I do not have …

The first biggest mistake I made is leaving the military when I did. That is one of my biggest regrets. Today, I regret a few other things. I regret a laundary list that I am sure I published here before. So, Scott get over yourself.

Here I am complaining and whining again and my readers are so silent it is deafening. Gary? Allan? Terry? Kathy? Eddie? Please leave your comments my pretties!