screwed up f/u

Well, it’s been a couple days since I admitted to something stupid here in the journal. We talked yesterday and my infraction is being treated like I bombed the WTC on my own. It’s way over the top. Considering our past history – one might not think it was such a big deal. Unless you really look at the facts.
I invited him into my house thinking he was my friend. Whatever that means to me and what ever it means to him might be two different things. Alas, I forgot that once before I asked him if he respected me. I never got an an answer. I started to see – that in reality – everything I am is almost completely disgusting to him.
Meh… you would think I would learn.
So, his accepting my invitation to stay here while here to get on his feet was just a means of use.  It’s not a friend here to help a friend anymore… I am just being used. I am yet another person’s carpet.
I’m not good at finding friends. I am not good at knowing how to maintain relationships. I have problems with friends, family and more. As far as Burners are concerned my relationships seem more solid, so what is the difference? Maybe I a deluded. But maybe radical inclusion is the only thing I can hold on to?