Another weekend past and I am waking up this Monday feeling very reflective. I am deep in my own head again. I feel very lost in where I shold be in life because of some self doubt in so many areas. Funny? I think there is still some of that baggage from when I was a kid with a dad who told me – very often – “you’ll never be good enough”. I hear that in my head still.
On Friday I drove out to my mom’s and stayed for the night. I got to see my step-sis and and step-dad. Worrying about them a bit is playing with my head as well. My parents are struggling a bit and they can’t do much. Christine, my step sis, is there helping out a lot. I wish I could do that more… but I feel so selfish.
Meanwhile, my dad had a birthday this weekend and I made the obligatory call. There has been a lot of changes in our relationship since I was a teen, but I can still say I rate pretty low in his book.
Baggage Baby! Yeah, I got it. I am struggling a lot and am in this non-stop sand-trap. Emotionally, financially, and my career(s) are just floundering. My stress is getting overwhelming.