“Look for healthy ways to express any anger you’re feeling today, dear Capricorn. While emotions are not always something that we can control, how we express and deal with them is. How do you handle anger? Do you communicate effectively or wind up stuffing your emotions? Do you sometimes take your frustration out on others? Take a look at your coping skills today to see if there aren’t new ways to handle emotions you haven’t tried yet. Search the web or find a book. There’s a lot of information to be had.”
My horoscope caught me by surprise today. Odly, I felt very off all day long. Being here is not unlike feeling like being squeezed in a vice. People around me all day were just working my nerves so hard and I just could not release the tesnion. Adolfo came by and helped me get situated.
Oh, by the way… I am back in Las Vegas.
I am away from Oregon. The reason I left was WAS WAS originally that I could not find work and sustain a living without borrowing money or begging people I had no right to bug. I went up there and tried to find work in technology while I was going to school. One thing got in the way of another and I ended up flying back to Vegas to work a couple of times and so it just seemed clear I was really earning money in … yes you got it… Vegas.
As it happened, the uncle I have sung praises about and built a web site to worship for his art had a serious freakout and started saying I was angry all the time (ironic considering the beginning of this post) and laid into me one night after I had been working all day… I had not seem him in days… this was just wierd.
Eddie locked himself in his room and refused to even look at me. I told them in the beginning of September that I needed to move out. I had been telling them since July that if I could not find work that I was moving out. I went up there with every intention of staying. But the Twilight Zone of houses was getting out of control.
Diane, my cousin, was the voice between Eddie and I and man was that girl making up stories. She took situations she jacked up and turned them into some possesed meladrama.
On Tuesday I got up, vacuumed the house, cleaned, took out the trash, took out recyclables, pittered around and was in and out of the truck. So around 8:30 I was finished. Aldermans of Sherwood were all still in bed. SO I just left. This is Diane’s email to me:
From Diane Alderman of Sherwood, Oregon (my meth addict cousin):
” this is Diane, you sneak out in the morning letting my cat out, and you know if you are so self fucking righteous and you think you are in the right, and didn’t do any thing wrong, you wouldn’t of have felt the need to be a sneaky LYING COCKSUCKER! you ran away you loser! I stood up for you, and I was too understanding even though I thought different about the whole thing . Thou protestith too much. You had to justify it for yourself because you knew you were screwing us over! I still cant believe I took your bullshit lying. Do you know how many times I heard on the radio and saw in the newspaper for looking for a chef. I knew you were lying about looking for a job, everybody knows that there is plenty of chef jobs here. You are just a 40 year old loser who cant be without a boyfriend and still sucking off your mom’s tit. Ifyou really did live for yourself, you would have had a career years ago. Instead you hide behind school and drama. you cause it every where you go. now I know why other family doesn’t want any thing to do with you! and dad did not say you could leave early , he did not say yes or no , he just didn’t think you would be stupid enough to do that, and we were almost positive that you were not the kind of person the FUCK FAMILY OVER. one of the worst things is that you act like this wasn’t a big deal AND YOU KNOW IT WAS HUGE TO US. I got sucked in by your bullshit, NEVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!! and guess what asshole, you didn’t give RMS a 30 day notice and that’s what counts in courts ! And we did not agree to this and you know it! You signed a lease with rms for a year and you were suppose to pay the 500 dollars for your dog, and we layed our neck on the fucking line for you again, to pay small portions to help you out! And SURPRISE you didn’t pay it! ! You signed a legal document with rms ,Idon’t know what dreamland your living in and Karma is going to get you and I cant wait, we let you get away with so much! I treated you like family and you treated us like strangers , and you shouldn’t even treat strangers like that ! We know know that you are a pathological LIAR & con, I should have not of been like family and understanding because I was understanding a lye,an d IKnew your lying, but I wanted everybody to be happy and let this be easy, because I actually thought you wouldn’t fuck us and the bills you figured out and sneaked it up here and you left because you knew you owed us so much more, And we know why you didn’t call rms, because you were hoping that we would just pay for your screw ups! Guess what we are not you know we couldn’t and what a hard time we have been through and you still did the worst thing at the absolute worst time. When you demanded me to make brownies for you I smiled and did it, and then you had the balls to tell me to shove the brownies up my ass because I am making you fat! That right there sums you up you are manipulative and you are a pro at turning things around on the people who don’t deserve it . You thrive on drama and lies, and you sure did clean up here, You made dad and I physically Ill, because of your bullshit lies and drama. You are the type of person to offer a ride to Washington to pick up a fiancé and when that person says we might sight see or see family you don’t even ask if there was any way that we could do that another time you just act like a 5 year old and turn around. You are a sick person, And when dad calmly talks to you about you yelling at me and calling me a bitch and a cow. you yelled that in the neighborhood all of the time. And you don’t think dad had a right to say something, You even finally told me that he was right and that you weren’t all joking, that you do hate women and its not my fault that Iam a woman.I f you read this and still think that you are right, I feel sorry for you, You are in deep denial and you will never change, You are not my family. family doesn’t do what you do! And you know you hurt us you hurt us and said it was no big deal, after this I don’t ever want to hear from you think of you or see you. YOU ARE NOT FAMILY! lATER AND GOODBYE TO YOUR LIES! you probably let our cat on purpose and we coulnt find him anywhere, and you know how much he means to me he is the only thing I have left from aaron my boyfriend that died, the only person you care about is yourself, I have never met anyone as selfish as you. You probably evjoyed every second of us stressed out and hurt because of what you did. I said it once and ill say it again you are sick and you need help! Oh ya and don’t you dare and play the gay card, you know we took you in with open arms and love, instead you shit on us and make our financial situation horrible , YOU STILL OWE MONEY DEPOSIT FOR YOUR DOG, you could have paid it and stayed like a grownup and stuck things out, We were so good to you and you know dad only got angry when you said Im moving out it s no big deal and you would string us along saying oh I don’t know if im moving I might stay and you knew you were going to leave , we did nt know what to do if you say you might stay how do we know to look for roomates. Y ou are manipulative and such a liar! You said that you also want to move because this is too much of a religious state! another lie and justification, You know this os the most liberal states and barely religious, its funny even you believe your own lies!!!!!!!!!!”