Recently I kvetched about my feinds issues and was missing a lot of people. When I was in Boston and when I was in Long Beach I had some really great freinds. Without a doubt I miss them all so very very much. Moreso because my freindships here have not been so successful. As well as any relationship I have tried to make in Las Vegas.
Often I day-dream about moving out of Las Vegas. I day dream about finding the perfect job. I dream that there must be oppurtunity for me in a life when I am worried I have let it all pass me by. At the age of 41 and getting chronologically older I have MANY regrets on a past of missed oppurtunities and options I failed to take.
Without a doubt, I have been extraordinarily fortunate with my ventures and adventures although they (as a whole) have not taken me further than where I am.
I am working backward since coming to Las Vegas: Backwards in career decisions and oppurtunities without clear avenues to start moving forward. Backwards dating someone I dated and broke up with 12 years ago when I lived in Long Beach.
Makes me wonder about where my brain is at. It seems clear to me that Las Vegas and I are upside-down on each other. I’m not strong enough right now to move on by myself.
I feel really insecure about where I am in life. Funny how life’s lessons have been especially with my move here. It’s like a non-stop beating and I feel like I am being beaten up by a little girl.
Humiliating!