I am fat. Okay… so as overweight as I feel I am, as much as I know I have gained and need to loose, it’s funny that a lot of people still look at me as an attractive person. I am starting to lose my hair, too. Oh my HELL…. my life is spiraling downhill. BUT NOT REALLY!!!!

Imagine that ugly people manage to find lovers, get married, and get laid once in a while themselves. Twinks and teenagers can’t imagine that ugly people can get love too. Ugly people can be happy. The funniest thing is when two ugly people make a baby it can be gorgeous …or hideous.

I saw some pictures of when I lived in Boston.. I was fierce looking back them. I am so not ugly now, but this weight totally bothers me. I sometimes see people that are extremely attractive, BUT they are carrying just enough weight that it detracts from their looks… that’s me.

Since leaving Boston I gained 40#s!!!!!! I can hardly imagine… because I have not weighed this much since I was in high school. Between my junior year and senior year I lost a good amount of weight. I further enhanced my body with weight training and regular exercise to become quite good looking; I even almost became a model (scary story).

Well, as you can imagine, being a Chef and having a relationship are two factors that have been roadblocks in trying to lose weight. Adolfo has moderately encouraged me to get more fit, but he has been more of an obstacle than anything. I have not exactly been Plymouth Rock about my convictions, too.

Slowly… surely… I am on yet another scheme to begin my decent on weight. For the last week I have substituted 2 meals of my day to protein shakes that are low in calories and high in protein. Some carbs, virtually no fat, and pretty healthy over all. Like this morning.. I had orange juice and carrot juice in the blender … then I added 2 scoops of powder … done til 1… where I ate a Cliff bar (High fiber)… and had a normal lunch about 2pm (salad and chicken fingers).

This is my early night, so I get to go home soon. I am off at 6 and Adolfo announced he is cooking dinner. This is totally wrong… I am not even close to being hungry.

Good news is that tomorrow we are planning on going to see Harry Potter! Daniel is such a cutie! Anyway… tah!